I know you're alone

1

I sat in the middle of the small stage and looked out over at all people who drank beer and didn't care about what I was singing. Yes, that was my work. I entertained tourists by singing songs they already knew all about. And some teenage girls was flirting with me, since I was a young guy, but even ordinary housewives seemed to find me interesting. I was the guy who always smiled at the guests and that got shameful proposals. I was used a lot and I accepted a lot, but I didn't have sex, as a lot of people thought. No, it was as if they as where tourists got my cravings to stop, because I sensed that many people thought that I was an easy target. My days consisted a lot of sun, more sun and perhaps many times too much alcohol. I worked in the evening and at night, that's when I had to do what I got paid for. On the days I devoted time to slide around and I did possibly talk to those who were interested to only talk. I had a private little cottage, far away from the tourists. Simon, my boss, had let me take control over that little cottage, and in return, it was I who restored it when that was needed. I needed personally to be on the side, because I didn't always wanted to have people around me. In my cottage, was what I needed. A bed, a small TV, a small kitchen, dining table with two chairs and a small toilet with a shower. Yes, why struggle for more when I was never at home?

Just this season started as always. Those boring families came to warmer climate and they thought they owned the world, even us as was there and worked. "My room is too small, I want to change." "Where can I buy a map?" "Do you want to come to my room?"
I chose to treat everyone equally. I said nice no to sex and I explained what they wanted to know. I was really aware over how to give them all service, and Simon had never heard anyone who complained about me. I always chose the easiest path and I chose the narrow road. I did what I was paid to do and that was all. I didn't tried to act like an idiot and I tried to respect everyone.

Yes, I was Niall Horan, age twenty-five, and I was gay. It was just Simon who knew about my orientation and no one else. Therefore, it was easy to blend into the crowd of people and never get horny when a young girl asked for my phone number. I suspected that was why Simon, year after year, let me stay there. The entire facility wasn't created to attract gays or unusual people. Our guests were normal families, newly in love couples or people who just needed time to rest. We were the creation of a need for those who needed it and then there was no place for people like me. For me it didn't matter. I had long time ago put my plans on the shelf. I suspected that I would never meet the man of my life and I sensed that I would remain alone. I wasn't a emotionless person, no I saw sometimes guys who I considered to be good enough for me, but all the time they were never gay. No, I never saw a guy who was interested in other guys. I saw only men who wanted a woman. Maybe that's why I night after night could manage to work like that? Maybe that was why I was that simple? I did what Simon wanted me to do and I never did anything else. Sometimes I tried new things, just because I could, but mostly I was sitting at my cottage. My interests were books, music, playing the guitar, the gym and to chill out.

Just this evening was like any other evening. I sang my songs, I played my guitar and I smiled at the guests who were half interested in me. When I had done what I would do, I put away my guitar and walked over to the bar. Free drink and they knew what I wanted. A large cold beer and I slid onto the bar stool and watched the last people who retired to their rooms.

"This was a good evening?" asked Louis and put up a beer in front of me. "Some girls were taking photos of you."

I smiled and I couldn't care less.

"You know how it is?" I replied and smiled weakly at him. "You have to do something in order to survive?"

Louis laughed.

"Yes, but you don't really fuck to survive. You should go for the girls and fuck around? I was with a girl yesterday and you can't imagine how easily I got her to be fucked by me."