I know you're alone

24

*Harry's point of view*

It felt so incredible to get my life together. I admit that I liked to sell my body, because it gave me more money to spend, but nothing went up to the life that I got with Niall. It was as if I came from the dark and realized there was light. There was a future even for me. Yes, I knew it wasn't possible to not grow older, but I had somehow survived into the present time for so long, I didn't know what it was like to really live.

What got me to go to Ireland? Honestly, it was because I was restless and I knew I blew the chance of something good. I was out with a man one night, let's call him Tim. He was charming and he paid for a dinning and everything. He also talked about buying expensive things to me if I went to meet him again. Yes, I landed naked in his bed, but when he took off his clothes and I saw the fat man, as he really was, it felt like I had reached the end. I saw no interest in doing it with others just because they wanted to do it with me. No, instead I tried to keep the memory of Niall, but at the same time I didn't know if he wanted me back. It had almost been a year since I saw him and left him abandoned. When I said no to Tim, he was pissed at me and accused me of giving him false hope. He raped me and left me there naked in the hotel room. When I woke up in the morning, I realized that I needed to do something about my own life. The only person I really wanted to be with and spend time with was only Niall. I therefore sold my home and all my valuables. I sold everything that the men had bought for me, because it had no value to me. Before I went to Niall, I placed the money in stocks and in fact, I managed to make money in that way. So I didn't needed to sell my body, I just needed to change myself and my mind.

By asking around and by searching for information on the computer, I managed to find my Niall. Yes, he had gone home, as he once said he wanted. And he had a job. I went to Ireland on profit and loss. I stayed at different hotels all the time, but every day for a month, I passed his work. Sometimes I slipped into the pub, but kept me hidden from him. It was pure luck that one day I noticed that our song was on the jukebox. I planned immediately how I would do, the first time as he saw me. I planned it carefully and I listened closely for what Mark planned. One day he said that Niall would be alone when they closed. Direct I knew that was a sign that it would happen. I would talk to him again.

I had my bags in a taxi. They got money to keep my bags if Niall said no, and when I went into the pub, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my entire life. I felt like an idiot, but I chose to make the jukebox playing our song. I stood in a dark place in the room, and when Niall responded, I knew I had him. Yes, it was all about facial expression and body language. I saw at him that he missed me and that he hadn't forgotten me. It was as if I again got hope, something to fight for, and that's when I told myself that I would change. I would have Niall and I would marry him and we would have children, and all that I previously hated.

I know that my journey has been long, but it's worth the price. I never want to tell Niall about the men who used me, or about those men who thought I stood up for everything, simply because they gave me money. I didn't needed to tell Niall about drugs and about the times when I came close to do suicide. Yes, I had been down into the black hole and I had played games with demons. But I had changed myself and my life now. I had understood that I could live a normal life and be liked by others, not because I was naked or gave up. People liked me because I was Harry. I wasn't ugly and I was valuable. That was something that I had never known that I was needed. But Niall needed me and I needed him. Something told me that this was my only way to the light, my only salvation, my only chance.

My mom, yes that was also a chapter. She found out that I was selling my body, and she was angry about that. She had always been behind me, and she had never looked down on me, but the time she saw me with an older man in the middle of the streets of London, and she understood what I was doing, she said no.