I know you're alone

7

We walked hand in hand along the beach. We heard a disco or a hotel as played music. I thought it was nice to take time off from my job. We didn't say much to each other and we enjoy the cool air.

"Shall we have a beer?" I heard Harry ask. "I mean, it's fine to drink in your place, but it's fun to see people?"

I chose to nod. We left the beach and went to the tourist streets. Where there were restaurants, pubs and places where partygoers went. I wasn't aware that I continued to hold Harry's hand. It still felt so right. It was as if I stopped caring about what others thought about a guy who was with another guy. For me it was genuine and actually, Harry had right about one thing, I wouldn't care what the outside world thought. I would be strong and show who I was.

There was a large pub, which Harry chose. There was a patio and we chose to sit outside. Harry ordered beers and we sat down a little at the side of all the people. I liked that he seemed to know what I wanted. He took his hand across the table and caught up mine. He smiled and looked at me as if I were the only one in the world.

"It's okay that we're open?" he asked. I nodded and looked down at our hands. Yes, it felt okay to be openly gay.

"Yes, there's no point in lying?"

Harry laughed a little.

"And we'll never see those people again."

I began to understand what he meant. We only live once, why not do what felt right for us? I looked at him again and I liked the feeling I had in the whole body.

"Just so you know about it, I will always remember our moments." Harry then laid his head to the side. "You're special. That's nothing I say to you just to make you feel good, I mean it."

I swallowed. Okay, I was special, so why couldn't he love me then? I decided to stop thinking about such things. I chose to do what he did, I lived in the present time.

"Thanks!"

He laughed a little and he nodded with satisfaction.

"You learn. Think about what's happening now and here. You don't worry about tomorrow, everything will be all right."

No, I would miss him and one day I would never see him again. Still, I smiled and I nodded silently. Our beer came in and was put down on the table. Harry held on to my hand and he smiled at the waiter and held out some money to him. The waiter took it, but looked a bit odd at us and our hands. Perhaps he had never seen two guys who were a couple?

"You'll be fine." Harry whispered hoarsely as soon as we were alone again. "You evolve all the time and you learn."

I looked at him again and I chose to drink some beer.

"I'm not older than I can change."

He laughed a little. We drank beer, held our hands together and we looked at those who walked past us. There were many who were there, but no one was as us, none of them preferred a person with the same sex. That made me realize how unique I was, as yet dared to be open.

After a beer we started to walk back home again. Harry held my hand proudly and he had no problem with some people as was staring at us. Instead he smiled at them, and showed no signs of embarrassment.

"How do you manage to be you?" I asked quickly. He smiled at me and he seemed almost surprised by the question.

"Once upon a time I got my job, I didn't think there were a lot as was like me, but guess if I had customers." He laughed by the memory. "I realized that I wasn't as odd as I thought. Many men hide their preference for boys and some men walk home to their wife, but masturbating to gay porn when she's sleeping." He looked back at me. "And I decided early on that I would never be like them. I didn't want to fit into what or how a man should be. I wanted to be free from the demands from society and today I am free."