I know you're alone

16

My new boss Mark, who owned the pub, wanted to have me employed. Instead of playing the guitar for guests, I help out at the bar and in the room. I quickly realized that this was more fun against to sit on a stage and sing to deaf ears. I quickly became a face that people knew and I didn't get young girls who flirted with me. Everyone knew that I preferred men and I was accepted as the man I was. I could have thanked Harry, but he wasn't in my life.

I don't know how the time could go on. It was as if I landed in something normal and days floated on like they would. I started making friends and I started to feel like a part of everything. On Sunday I went to church, but not because of my faith, just because of that I could. The priest in the village seemed to like people like me and actually I was welcome there. I developed in my work and quickly I became as an additional director under Mark.

A year had passed since the last time I saw Harry. It was almost midnight and the pub was almost closed for the night. Mark was at a party and the other employees had plans, so I was left alone. There were a few old men in a corner and I let them drink up. I didn't like to throw out customers like that. Therefore, I chose to pour up a beer for myself and take a rag and wipe the tables. I went around the table without thinking of something special. In a corner, on the other side of the room, there was a jukebox with old records. Few customers used it, but sometimes it played up a song. That's why I was surprised when I heard that it started. Yes, I heard the sound from a disc that landed where it should, then the scratchy sound that it started. I turned around and looked straight at the jukebox. No one was  standing there, what I saw. I become cold throughout the body when it began to play a particular song. Yes, it was the Frank Sinatra song, Harry's and my song. I swallowed and I felt how my memories found me. Harry? I had tried not to listen to this song for a year and now it was the first time I was forced to listen to the well-known text.

I put down the rag on a table and I put down the beer too. Slowly I went over to the jukebox and I stared at it. It was as if time stood still. I could see before me how Harry took me in his arms and how we slowly were moving around to the beat of the music. Yes, I remember it like it was yesterday.

"Good memories, huh?"

I spun around. From the shadow of a pillar did Harry appeared. He was exactly as I remembered him, a little more curls in his hair. His green eyes looked straight at me and he had a faint smile on his lips. He was wearing black pants and a white shirt. The top buttons were undone and I could catch a glimpse of my tattoo over the bird's head. I stood very still and it felt like I had to escape. It felt like I saw a ghost in front of me and I was going to back away, but he made me stand totally still. I swallowed.

"The song or you?"

He laughed and pulled a hand through his own hair. He crooked his smile and raised his eyebrows.

"You went on with life?"

I hesitated.

"You too?"

He took a deep breath and he walked up to me. It was only a meter between us and I could feel his wonderful smells. The scent of Harry.

"I miss you."

I immediately felt an irritation.

"It was you who left me."

He nodded, and he looked pleased down over my body. Yes, I knew that I had lost some weight and I had built on some muscle. I had changed in a way, but there was still the old Niall left in front of him.

"I know." he whispered dully. "And there hasn't been a day when I haven't changed my mind."

What would I say? I swallowed and I felt that I was weak in the knees. His lips, his body, his eyes, indeed the whole Harry was still like a wonderful mirage in front of me. I realized that I still loved him. It was deep emotions that I couldn't take away and partly that made me disappointed. It would have been easier to hate him for what he had done.