"Home" -Jaegan

•Couldn't•

Justin's pov:

I'm going to ruin Raegan's life. I'm going to be the reason he doesn't go to school. I'm going to be the reason he's not going to get a good job and get good money. It's all going to be my fault. He won't let me go and I don't want to let go of him but I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be the one who ruins his life. He deserves so much better than me.

Raegan and I are laying on the floor in Kales room. We have blankets and pillows, so it's okay. But I can't sleep. I'm too busy crying and stressing. It's pitch black and I feel like I'm in a dark place. I feel alone and scared. I'm so stupid! I'm so fucking stupid.

"Justin?" My head jerks up to someone saying my name. A light it turned on and I see Kale is sitting up on his bed now. "Are you okay?" He asks.

"No." I say crying harder but trying to stay quiet. "I can't do this anymore."

"Come up here." He says referring to his bed. I make sure not to wake Raegan as I get up and sit on Kales bed. Raegan is a heavy sleeper to that's good I guess.

"What is it?" He whispers. I shake my head digging my head in my hands. My breathing is unsteady and my face is stained with tears.

"I love Raegan so much." I say.

"I know you do." He smiles a little. "So whats the problem?"

"It's the fact that I love him, that's the problem. And he loves me too much to let me go. I'm an idiot." I say. I feel Kale put his hand on my knee.

"You aren't an idiot Justin." He says. "Raegan would do anything for you. He wants to be with you."

"But he shouldn't. He shouldn't at all! I'm going to ruin him." I say taking his hand off my knee.

"What?" He asks confused.

"Raegan wants to run away forever and be with me but he doesn't deserve me. He deserves to go to school and get into a good college and then get a good job. He'll lose everything because of me."

"He wants to stop going to school?" He asks. I nod looking down at my lap. I look back up to see Kale looking down at Raegan. He looks disappointed and upset.

"I would miss him so much. He's my best friend."

"See what I'm doing to you guys." I say. Kale looks back at me. "I'm ruining everything. I should just leave and never come back."

"No no justin don't say that."

"But it's true." I say bringing my knees to my chest and cry to myself. Jesus Justin just leave!

"I can't just leave." I say to myself.

Get out of Raegan's life. He doesn't need you.

"But I love him and I need him."

He wouldn't care if you just dropped off the face of the earth.

"Yes he would! He would!"

How do you know that?

"Because he loves me."

Does he Justin?

"Of course he does! We love each other."

Get the fuck away from him so his life can go back to normal. Go!

"No!"

"Justin?" Someone shakes me from my thoughts. My head shoots up to meet Raegan's eyes. I break down from looking at him. He's so perfect. My mind is right. Just go.

"Baby calm down I'm here." He whispers putting his hand on my face. My eyes widen and I slap his hand off my face. I move back on Kales bed until I hit the wall.

"Do you really love me?" I ask. He furrows his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you love me Raegan?" I repeat. He stares at me like I'm insane.

"I love you more than anything." He says as he sits at the edge of Kales bed. "What's going on?"

"I hate everything. I hate myself for getting attached to you. I hate this Raegan, you don't deserve this."

"What is 'this'?" He asks.

"You don't deserve to be with such a shitty and afraid little boy. I don't belong in this world." I say and I see tears form in his eyes.

"Don't say that Justin."

"But it's true. Everything is true and I can't help it anymore." I say leaning my head against the wall. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Here is your hoodie." I start taking it off but he stands up and stood me.

"Stop you aren't going anymore." He forcefully pulls it back down. "I love you and you belong in this world like everyone else. I want to be with you forever Justin, why don't you understand that?"

"Because I'm a stupid piece of shit who dragged you into my fucked up life. And now you won't let me leave." I say louder than intended.

"Fine!" He stands up. "You want to leave so bad then go!"

"W-what?" I ask stuttering.

"You talk about being a stupid piece of shit and someone who I don't deserve. Well now is your chance to leave and never come back." He says pointing to the door. I don't move and start crying again. Fuck I can't do it.

He quickly comes next to me on the bed and hugs me. "See..." He starts.

"It's hard to just leave someone when you love them." He says. I look up into his eyes in shock. Now I realize how he can't just leaves me. He loves me.

"I'm sorry." I cry.

"Don't be sorry. Just calm down." He rubs my back and kisses my cheek.

"I couldn't do it." I whisper.

"I knew you couldn't. That's how I know you love me too." He says.

I can't stay with him forever. My eyes flicker from black back to my normal green. What's going on? I'm not mad. Why did that happen? Did Raegan see? No, thank god i'm facing the other way. But why did that happen? What is he doing to me?

Oof sorry that was sad. I was in a sad mood when I wrote this 🤷‍♀️ Hope you enjoyed. Please comment and vote if you liked it 💖