Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: A Christmas Makeover

The drive back to Conrads' place was a relatively quiet one as both men tried to think of ways to deal with the other. Of course their desired objectives were polar opposites. Jude sought ways to pry open his young friends' hidden wounds as Conrad sought ways to bury his scars deep once again, where no light could be shed on them. He was honest enough with himself to know that he didn't look well and if one of his friends had looked as bad as he did the Resident would be taking steps. But this was different, it was only him after all. The carefully hidden memories unleashed by recent events still vied for attention. Assigning them back to their dark cavern in his mind would ensure he could go on as usual. Problem was however that assignation was still proving impossible. After letting Jude in Conrad headed over to the refrigerator after taking off his jacket and gloves.

"See you didn't have time to do the place up," the Surgeon noted after shrugging off his coat and walking over to lean against the kitchen counter.
"What do you mean?" Conrad frowned as he took out a packet of chicken slices and a large container of salad.
"Well you're missing a few things buddy."
"Like?"
"A tree for one thing," Jude stifled a sigh as he retrieved cutlery and ware to set on the counter, "you have any decorations to put up?"
"Nope," the day haired man replied, he never put up Christmas stuff.
"Kinda be nice don't you think to make the place look like it's the Holidays?" Jude gestured to the bare open plan apartment.
"Never do. You want water or a beer?"
"Water will do."
"So when are you heading off?" Conrad knew his friend always went skiing this time of year, "ye going to Colorado again?"
"Not this time," Jude shook his head with a smile as he referred to his annual Christmas trip with his brother and sister-in-law, "Brad and Laura are expecting!"
"You never told me. That's great! So when will you be an Uncle?" Conrad grinned genuinely as he brought over two glasses of water and motioned for his friend to sit down.
"All going well July."
"I'm happy for you. Tell them I was asking for them."
"Will do," Jude promised around a bite of lettuce, "so even more good news is I'm free for the Holidays."
"So what are your plans?"
"Depends."
"On what?"
"On whatever you want to do."
"No," Conrad put down his cutlery shaking his head in disapproval, he should have seen this coming, "I've got plans."
"Sure," Jude was unimpressed as he kept eating, "now come on and finish your food."
"I mean it Jude," Conrad insisted as he reluctantly picked up his fork and speared a piece of chopped egg.
"Sure," Jude took a sip of water as he threw his reticent friend a wink.

An hour later Conrad had swallowed a couple of DFs under his friends' watchful eye telling him he was developing a headache. The rare admittance was seen by the Surgeon for what it was, a ploy to get rid of him. After pouring a glass of milk and handing same to his friend with a Mars bar, to make the medication more tolerable on his stomach, he joined him on the couch.

"I buy your eyes aren't good. They're beginning to bruise again," the older man conceded willingly, "but you've been unwell for a while. You've lost weight and it's obvious you haven't been getting much sleep ......,"
"I'm ........,"
"Not fine," Jude disregarded the interruption firmly, "you need to talk about what's going on with you and I want you to talk to me."
"Don't need to talk," Conrad scoffed as he forced down a bite of chocolate and caramel trying to ignore the pain in his eyes.
"You know something Conrad? You're not stupid. So be honest with yourself and me and just admit you need help."
"Jude ........ I know you mean well and I
appreciate it. I really do but .......,"
"Conrad you really can talk to me you know. I've been told I'm a good listener."
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why does everyone want me to talk? You, Devon, Nic ......... everyone."
"Guess because we can all see you're going through a rough time buddy. Now you answer a question for me."
"What?" Conrad asked with misgiving as he put his empty glass on the floor with the mars' wrapper.
"Why don't you want to talk?"
"It's just not ........ important."
"It is important," Jude quickly argued for he had understood what was not said, his friend wasn't saying what he had to say wasn't important but that it wasn't important because it was him, "and you my friend are important to a lot of people."
"Look would you mind if we cut this short? I need to lie down for a while," Conrad spoke honestly as he could feel the strong painkillers beginning to invade his system and knew if he lay down his eyes might abate.
"Sure," Jude glanced at his watch as he rose without arguing, "you rest for a while."
"Yeah," Conrad agreed, grateful he didn't need to fight about the matter, "I'll give you a call in a few days."
"You won't need to," Jude explained innocently as he put on his coat, "I'll be back later."
"Jude ........,"
"No arguments. I have my spare key. Get some sleep."
"Damn,"Conrad watched as the door closed after his friend before he had a chance to say anything else.

He briefly contemplated booking into a hotel but didn't have the energy. Sighing he took off his jumper after turning the thermostat up. Tossing his jeans aside he resolved that once he woke up and his eyes were after dying down he would convince his friend to leave him alone. He retrieved a clean facecloth and after rinsing it under the kitchen tap went to bed with a sigh of relief as exhaustion aided to render him asleep quicker than the meds usually would.

Upon waking Conrad noted night had fallen. Rubbing his aching head he was glad to note that although his eyes were very sore the pain had not become worse as he slept. He had often found himself waking up feeling worse than he did when he went to bed. In fact on many occasions over the years he had gone to bed feeling perfectly fine only to wake up in abject agony. That one detail had been the deciding factor for the Specialists to decide that he didn't have ophthalmic migraines. Migraines, of any nature, always have a trigger. He had often wished he had ophthalmic migraines for at least if he had a trigger he could try to avoid it. Of course the irony for the young man was that although he didn't have ophthalmic migraines he did experience similar symptoms of the condition. Conrad sighed as he got up carefully and sat on the side of the bed. His father always implied he was sick because he wanted attention. There had been times that he had wished his father could suffer the excruciating pain he did, if only for a short time. He wouldn't even wish the pain on his worst enemy if he had one, it was that bad. For years he had tried to explain to his father that he didn't want to be sick but eventually came to the painful conclusion that his father just did not care enough to listen. Standing up, mindful of his sore head, he consoled himself that he had only to get through the next couple of days without dwelling on past Christmases when being sick resulted in only loneliness and hunger. And wasn't that funny? Even now as an adult he sought solitude for the Holidays rather than company. It defied logic but it was what he knew and he viewed it as a comfort. This loneliness was of his own making. His choice. Finally raising his head and opening his eyes fully as he moved away from the bed Conrad froze.

"So what do you think?" Jude asked quietly, mindful of the other mans' obviously still present headache.
"I .......," Conrad looked around the soft lamp lit apartment which had been adorned with a large green Christmas tree standing beside the couch, lights twinkling casting shadows on the red and gold decorations dressing it, and fairylights running along the kitchen counter.
"You going to say anything?"
"It's .......... beautiful," the shocked man eventually mumbled, "but you shouldn't have. It must have cost a fortune."
"Didn't cost a thing. Brought them from my place," Jude smiled although he sensed his friend was fighting back tears, "when the sales start we'll go shopping for next year."
"Nah," the fair haired man walked over to the kitchen brushing away a tear as casually as he could, "thanks anyway."
"Hey man what is it?" the Surgeon asked gently as he walked over and laid a hand on his friends' shoulder.
"Just ......... memories. Let's leave it."
"Let's not."

Conrad looked at the floor wondering what to do. He trusted Jude but wasn't sure he should divulge anything else about his childhood. After all he had already spoken to Mike about things he found painful and although it felt good to finally speak to someone about what he had gone through it hadn't changed a thing. Would talking change things now?

tbc