Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE: Guilt Unfounded

"I'm still waiting young man," Alicia looked at the pale figure before her wishing a lot of things but mainly wishing she had been able to get him to open up when he was younger about his treatment at the hands of his father.
"I'm fine.  Just tired Alicia. Nothing to worry about."
"It has always bothered me, what went on in that house," the middle aged woman shook her head.
"I'm sorry," Conrad ducked his head.
"What are you sorry about?"
"The fire. It was my fault. Tom shouldn't have died."
"Conrad when the good Lord decides it's your time there is nothing to be done. That fire was an accident, nothing more."
"But ......," Conrad frowned, "I told him you were in there with Janet.  That's why he went in."
"That had nothing to do with Tom dying. Whether or not you said anything he would have gone in because that's where we were when he left to go to the market. Surely your father told you that?" Alicia looked stricken as she posed the question.
"No," Conrad looked out the window as the light drizzle which had begun to fall, "he blamed ........,"
"Oh Madre de Dios!"
"The ........ fire. It started in my room."
"Yes I know but how could he blame you for an electrical fault? That is ridiculous. Look at me young man!"
"What?"
"It was not your fault. It was never your fault Conrad."
"But ........," the fair haired man sighed, "he said that was ...... why I couldn't see you. He said ....... he said you were angry at me."
"That was never true. I loved you as my own son Conrad. I could never be angry with you."
"I never saw you after that day," Conrad disputed.
"I tried Conrad, I really did. When you collapsed they took you away in the ambulance with Janet but I stayed behind.  I had to find out what happened to Tom.  Please believe me the next day I tried to visit you in the hospital but your father refused to let me see you. I tried every day until one day I visited and you had been discharged.  I contacted all the hotels but ye hadn't checked in."
"No ....... when I woke up I was in a hospital in Atlanta.  Not that I knew it at the beginning," Conrad tried to casually brush away a tear but found his hand caught in a tight grip.
"You are allowed to shed tears young man," Alicia gently squeezed the hand in hers, "you lost so much that day."
"You lost Tom. I didn't lose anything."
"You were always so reserved. Tom used call you his little Soldier boy," Alicia released her hold, "you were so determined to be strong.  That day you lost Tom, you lost little Janet and your home and you ultimately lost me. Don't deny that.  It would hurt me for Tom also loved you as a son."
"I didn't mean .......,"

"I know you didn't mean you weren't upset," Alicia interrupted gently, "we wished we could help you all those years in the mansion."
"Ye did help. I loved helping Tom out in the garden. And I remember you used let me help you cook biscuits. Those were the best times."
"Tom and I wanted to help you so much when your father hurt you but you would never tell us anything."
"He didn't hurt me," Conrad insisted quietly.
"Do not lie to me," Alicias' tone became firm, "we know he locked you up for days. We know when you were sick and needed care he did not look after you. We tried to talk to him about what was going on but he said if we didn't drop it he would fire us. The thought of leaving you, it broke my heart. When we would ask you questions after you had been let out you always avoided answering. In the end we decided to stay working there in the hope that when you were older you would feel comfortable enough to confide in us."
"Ye cared about me that much?" Conrad could not hide his astonishment.
"We did," Alicia said sadly with a fond smile, "you were our first child. That is how we saw you."
"I ...... I never knew," Conrad shifted on his chair awkwardly in obvious embarrassment.
"You were a child. You were too young to realise how much you meant to us. I told you my son Miguel saw you at the mansion. He is our youngest."
"How old is he?"
"Fourteen. Our oldest is seventeen. Do you want to know his name?"
"Sure."
"Conrad Tom Ortega."
"Ye called him Conrad?"
"Yes. Pedro, my husband, he suggested we call him Tom but it didn't seem right being married to another man and calling our child Tom so he said Tom could be the second name. He is a very understanding man," Alicia smiled, "he knew all about you."
"How?"
"When I lost Tom and then you it was a very hard time for me. Friends told me to forget about you, after all I wasn't your mother. I would always tell them the heart is blind. Just because we didn't share the same blood didn't mean I couldn't love you like a son. For a couple of years I just drifted aimlessly. I got jobs here and there but I could never settle down. Then I wound up in San Antonio. That was where I met Pedro. He used to come into the diner I was working in."
"And ye fell in love," Conrad smiled.
"Well it wasn't love at first sight I have to admit," Alicia laughed wrily, "I was not looking for someone but Pedro I learnt can be quite persistent."
"So how long were ye seeing each other before ye married?"
"Three years."
"You're happy?"
"Yes. For a time I thought I never would be again. To be honest if Pedro had not accepted that a part of me still loved Tom it would never have worked. Luckily he has a big heart."
"I'm glad Alicia. I really am."

"So since you won't ask I will tell you why Pedro agreed to name his first born Conrad. I told him all about this wonderful child who put on such a brave front for the world even though his life was filled with a lot of pain and hurt. I told him how you always completed any task Tom gave you in the garden to the highest standard. How you would insist on finishing a chore even if it was raining and Tom didn't mean for you to finish the job quickly. But most of all I told him you were the child of my heart."
"Alicia," Conrad shook his head in disbelief, "think your memory is a bit hazy I ......,"
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Well no but .......,"
"But nothing! I remember exactly how you were as a child and I am not in the habit of exaggerating," Alicia spoke crossly before softening her expression and continuing, "and I can tell you have not changed. Anytime someone said something nice about you you always tried to brush it off. Like you didn't know how to handle it. Your mother was a good lady but she didn't know what was going on. Any time she was around your father gave Tom and me vacation days. We tried to refuse but he wouldn't listen."
"That sounds like him," Conrad looked across the table at the older woman and lowered his voice as he forced a question out, "did ye ....... really think of me as a son?"
"Oh yes Conrad," Alicia assured as tears ran down her face, "and I still do."
"You can't."
"Yes I can. Conrad you were a good boy and I know you're a good man."

Conrad was about to give a denial of the assessment when there was a knock on the door. This time he knew it had to be Jude. This was not good. Not good at all. Alicia could tell his friend things he wouldn't.

tbc