Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE: Remembering Toms' Demise

"So where were Tom and Alicia when you fell?" Jude forced the question out eventually.
"Tom was just after coming back in his truck from somewhere.  He found me just after I fell.  I told him we needed to go inside because Alicia and Janet were in there."
"Wait.  You wanted to go back in?
"Course," Conrad seemed confused by the question, "we needed to get them out."
"What did he do?" the older man asked rather than arguing that a six year old boy had no place going back into a burning building, especially when injured.
"He rang 911 then told me to stay outside and ran in.  I waited for a while but there was no sign of him so I came back in," Conrad sighed, looking at the battered doors where he had run in, as the memory of that day came alive again with all its' fear and hurt, "there was smoke everywhere.  Never knew smoke could be so hot but it was.  I ....... I heard Tom yelling upstairs.  The flames had eaten up the landing by that stage and I couldn't see him.  Found out later he was in Janets' room.  I tried to go up but .......,"
"If this is too hard Conrad you don't have to tell me," Jude offered as he looked up the stairway they sat on and all too easily envisaged the fiery nightmare unfolding above.
"I couldn't see where I was going," the Resident continued quietly as his eyes closed in remembrance and the Surgeon wasn't sure if his friend had even heard him but opted to remain silent, "it was the middle of the day but it was as if night had fallen.  I finally found the stairs when I fell onto the steps.  I was just about to go up when someone picked me up from behind.  The next thing I remember was waking up in hospital."
"So the Firefighters got you out?"
"No, Alicia did.  Turns out she had gone out to the bungalow with Janet to get some laundry."
"But Janet died."
"Yeah," Conrad sighed heavily running a hand through his damp hair and looked at his friend, "Alicia left her outside when she realised what was going on.  Turns out she tripped running up to the fire trucks when they arrived.  Hit her head.  Subdural haematoma. Never made it to hospital."
"Damn.  That's ........ unbelievable."
"It was and I made it so much worse."
"How?"
"I told Tom Alicia and Janet were inside.  I should have realized they weren't."
"You've been blaming yourself all this time for what happened to Tom?"

Instead of replying the fair haired man stood up and walked back down the few steps heading across to the double doors as another flash of lightning shed light on the ruined mansions' interior.

"This is going to take a while to pass," Jude joined his friend at the open doorway and gestured to the torrential rains.
"Yeah," Conrad smiled unexpectedly, "I love the rain."
"You do?  Why?"
"There's something refreshing about it," Conrad put a hand out to catch some raindrops, "you can get lost in it."
"Not sure I understand."
"I just like it," Conrad said solemnly not willing to elaborate.
"You do know you're not responsible for Toms' death," Jude decided to leave one apparently difficult topic for a definitely difficult one, "you were six years old and you had serious injuries."
"He went in because I said they were inside."
"No.  He went in because whether or not you had said anything he would have wanted to check.  It was his wife and a child who could be in danger.  He'd have gone in regardless."
"Maybe."
"Definitely.  So what happened after the fire?"

"What do you mean?"
"What did your father say?"
"He blamed me," Conrad shrugged nonchalantly as if it didn't matter.
"The b*****d! How long were you in hospital?"
"Two weeks."
"For a broken arm and ribs?"
"There was a slight complication."
"What?" Jude pressed patiently, knowing the younger man never volunteered information.
"Punctured a lung with one of my ribs."
"Let me guess when Alicia grabbed you she caught you around your chest."
"She didn't mean it!  It was an accident," Conrad automatically defended his childhood Nanny vehemently.
"Of course she didn't," Jude nodded knowing that his friend would have spent a lot of time with the woman and he obviously cared a great deal about her and guessing that his father might have taken his anger out on the woman, "so ye moved from here when you were six?"
"Never saw it after that day."
"That reminds me," Jude reached a hand behind and pulled the old paperback out from where he had stowed it in his waistband, waiting for the right time to present it and hoping this was it, "thought you might like this."
"Can't believe it survived," Conrad accepted the Mark Twain work and looked at the water damaged pages relieved the ink had not deteriorated.
"Well it was mostly under the mattress so the fire didn't reach it. You like Twain?"
"Yeah.  Reading was ....... a way to escape I guess."
"I can understand that," Jude shivered as the deluge finally trickled down to a slight drizzle, "you ready to head out?"
"I .......," Conrad looked at the book in his hand and then back at the stairs, "I need to do something.  You wait here."
"I have a better idea," Jude commented as the other man headed over to the stairway, "I'll go with you."
"There's no need."
"Never said there was," the black haired man pointed out as he headed up the stairs before any other argument could be given, "come on before the rain gets heavy again or we'll be here all night."

Conrad was too tired to argue and in truth he was grateful for the company as he slowly walked up the stairs clutching the childhood treasure in his hand.  He had assumed everything had been lost that day.  Not that he had thought to ask about his possessions for some time after the fire but when he had eventually enquired he was told his room had been totally destroyed along with everything in it.  He recalled his father scolding him when tears glistened in his eyes as he learnt of the loss.  He had been told that everything would be replaced so there was no need to act like a 'child'.  Conrad shook his head thinking back on that.  Hell he had been a child.  He wondered briefly what his friend would say if he told him of the conversation but he was not going to share it.  Along with most of his childhood memories he kept the hurt locked away from intrusive eyes.  Heading for his old room now he found his steps slowing as he got closer.  Perhaps this was a mistake after all.  He watched the Surgeon step into the blackened room without hesitation and tried to calm his breathing.

"So what are we looking for?" Jude asked casually, trying not to show his concern for the pale man standing at the door picking up the courage to take the next step.
"Don't know," Conrads' reply came in a whisper as he walked into the room and advanced towards the bed.
"I found the book under the mattress," Jude explained as he lifted the item to check if there was anything else hidden and frowned when the sound of something falling to the floor on the other side caught their attention, "what was that?"
"It's nothing," Conrad dismissed and he spoke so confidently that the older man knew whatever it was his friend did not want him to see it, "come on let's go."
"Just let me check," Jude moved around to the other side of the bed as he spoke and looked around in the dull light before he found what had fallen, a knife, rusty from age and exposure to the elements, but definitely a knife.
"Leave it," Conrad directed as he subconsciously squeezed his left arm over the bandage.
"Okay man.  Whatever you say.  I'll just check there aren't any more books.  Should have looked earlier," Jude easily pulled the mattress off the mangled springs revealing two things. A tattered book and a facecloth.

"Let's go," this time Conrad walked out of the room before his friend could ask anything.
"Thought you might like this," Jude handed over the retrieved old book on the landing, "Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. You picked good tales to escape in."
"Guess I did."

Conrad took The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and looked at the two books he now held wishing he could get lost in their stories once more as his surroundings once again directed him towards melancholy.

tbc