It turned out that the Residents' older friend was right. As he had previously found out talking about his issues did actually help and after the long conversation in his apartment with the Psychiatrist after he had awoken that evening the nightmares eased off in their intensity and frequency. Two weeks later spring was not only in the air but also in his step as the Resident resolved to do something else to help himself. Standing in the deserted cemetery after placing a six pack by each grave Conrad opened a bottle and took a sip before raising it as he stood between the two headstones. He had flown to Texas to say a proper goodbye to his friends. Mike had been right. He had not dealt with his grief through anger directed at others or alcohol. He had felt anger though and had directed it inwards. After all if the two men hadn't stayed in Atlanta after their friends' funeral they would not have been killed. He shook his head. He was surprised to find he was actually okay standing in this sombre environment as he acknowledged the truth to himself. His friends' deaths were not his fault and neither man would want to see him living with guilt. He had not even hesitated as he had entered the cemetery thirty minutes ago. His steps unwavering like the spring rays shining down on the cool morning. Of course the sure steps may also have been aided by Judes' solid presence, yet again. Upon hearing that the fair haired man was travelling to Texas the Surgeon had immediately offered to join him and Conrad, whom instinctively hesitated at every offer of help, had on this occasion graciously accepted the kind offer without any arguments. If Jude was surprised by the easy capitulation he didn't show it and within a short time plans had been arranged. When they arrived at the cemetery straight from the airport the older man had offered to accompany him but Conrad had declined. This was something he needed to do himself, even if he could only do it safe in the knowledge his friend was close by. That was a new concept for the Resident. Relying on someone. Mike had reiterated that there was no weakness in accepting a friends' help, no matter what form it came in. Taking another sip of beer he looked again at the two graves wondering about lifes' harsh realities. Eric and Danny had survived Afghanistan only to be killed by the actions of a callous drunk. Conrad had seen the results of drunken drivers too many times over the years and he had no time for anyone who drank and then decided to drive. In this day and age no one could claim they didn't know of the inherent risks in doing such a careless thing. Ultimately however the hard truth was that everyone dies and no matter how they pass their death leaves a massive void for those left behind. With those thoughts on his mind the young man wasn't heading back to Atlanta after this trip. No. He needed to do something he had not been able to face all these years. He needed to visit Toms' grave. During their conversation, which went on into the early morning hours, Mike had eventually got him to the point where he told him about the fire and how Jane and Tom had died. Initially seeing the anger in his friends' eyes after he had divulged that painful information Conrad had feared his friend would blame him. Mike quickly abolished that anxiety by admitting that, although it was not very professional, he was upset on his friends' behalf. The Psychiatrist, upon learning of how his father had blamed him for the fire and subsequently kept Alicia from him, admitted that it was probably a good thing he did not know where Hawkins Senior was because he might actually do something he would not regret. The Resident had been humbled by the anger on his behalf and had assured his upset companion that it was too late to do anything about his old man. That had led their discussion down another path but in the end Conrad said he needed to deal with things his way.
A sound behind him caused Conrad to turn. Frowning he looked at Jude.
"Told you to stay in the car."
"You did," the older man acknowledged with a nod as he stepped up to stand beside his friend, "and you also said you wouldn't be long. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Sorry. Didn't mean to be .....,"
"You didn't delay me at all," Jude wasn't surprised to see the old Conrad back, apologising for being a hassle, "I'm a free agent. Just figured ninety minutes was long enough for you to be here by yourself."
"It hasn't been that long."
"Check your watch," Jude chided, "if you want to stay another while there's no problem."
"Damn," Conrad cursed as he did as instructed, "don't know where the time went. Come on let's go."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure," Conrad raised the nearly full bottle to the headstones with a small smile, "they don't talk much."
"Bet you didn't give them a chance to get a word in," Jude scoffed, as they headed back along the stone path to the entrance gates, glad that the melancholy which had seemed to grab his friend was finally losing its' grip.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The flight to Savannah that evening landed on time and Conrad was in for a shock when they reached the terminal concourse. Unbeknownst to him Jude had informed Alicia of their return trip. The pair knew exactly how the young man would react if he knew there was a rendezvous arranged so they put their heads together and came up with a plan. Pedro was going to be at the airport with Miguel on the pretense they were seeing one of the boys' friends off. Alicia had felt Conrad would know the meeting was planned if she was there. Jude was unsure of her suggestion initially but he agreed after the kind lady had informed him that her former charge would be upset if he thought they had put themselves out. The Surgeons' worries about the teenager being involved were quickly cast aside as Alicia assured him she would speak to her youngest and ensure he understood the need for the ruse. She had added that the boys would be thrilled to meet Conrad again and she was glad her husband would finally do so. After coming across Miguel as they ambled through the terminal Jude had been relieved that the young teen did not give anything away as he brought the pair over to meet his father. A shocked Conrad went to shake hands with the father only to find himself the recipient of a warm embrace. In no time at all it had been agreed that the whole family would meet the two men for dinner that night. Conrads' attempts to put off the meal met with a hurt expression from Pedro which of course meant the flummoxed man had to agree, The men said there goodbyes after the local pair had given the visitors directions to the restaurant they had chosen.
By the time the Resident and the Surgeon had checked into their hotel Conrad was trying to find a way out of his predicament. As he unpacked his toiletries he thought about Pedros' reaction to meeting him. It didn't make any sense. He had acted as if he had known the younger man all his life. Of course he knew his old Nanny liked to talk and she herself had informed him that she had told her husband about him but it still rattled him and he wasn't sure why. Sighing as there was a knock on the door he wondered if he should ask Jude for his view on the matter. This second trip was meant to be a quick one and meeting Alicia again had not been on the agenda. The real worry of course was that she would want to know why he had returned so quickly. The answer to that was not something he was willing to share, for both of their sakes. He didn't want to bring up old memories for her and he didn't want to discuss the need to visit Toms' grave. It looked like it was going to be an interesting night he thought as he let his friend in. Maybe Jude would run interference for him.
tbc
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Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163
FanfictionConrad Hawkins has to contend with a longstanding eye problem which he tries to hide from his friends and colleagues due to his father drumming it into him as a child that illnesses and injuries are proof of weakness. His friends try to teach hi...
