Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE: Acknowledgement

A week later Conrad lay wide awake in bed after another nightmare. The trip to Savannah had not helped to banish any of the dreams plaguing him and he wondered if he would ever know a peaceful nights' sleep again. A glance at the clock informed him it was ten after four. Sighing he got up in defeat and after a quick shower got dressed and headed into work.

Three hours later Devon approached him in the cafeteria as he picked at a pancake.

"You're in early again," the dark haired man spoke as he sat down opposite his friend.
"You checking up on me?"
"Just worried about you," Devon said before taking a sip of orange juice and tucking into his large breakfast.
"Told you I don't need you worrying about me."
"Well like I told you, you stop giving me something to worry about and I'll gladly stop worrying."
"You really know how to ruin a persons' appetite," Conrad rose and walked away leaving most of the pancake on his plate untouched.
"So how is he?" Nic demanded as she sat down looking at the first year Resident eagerly.
"The same."
"He's obviously still not eating."
"Looks like that trip he went on didn't help," Devon concluded unhappily.
"I wish Jude would tell us where they went."
"Nic you know he'd never break his word to Conrad. You've got to let it go. At this point you're lucky Jude hasn't lost his patience with you."
"Don't see what the big secret is," the blonde sighed heavily.
"It's Conrads' life.  If he doesn't want to talk about where he went it's his choice."

Jude cornered the third year Resident in the On Call Room as the younger man was about to leave to head back to work after a fifteen minute nap.

"So you've been avoiding me."
"No I haven't.  You've been doing different shifts."
"So looking at you I would say you are still not sleeping well.  A little bird tells me you've been coming in early before your shift."
"Shoot the bird for me," Conrad shook his head in exasperation as he went to walk around the taller man but found his way blocked.
"Did you speak to Mike?"
"Yeah."
"I mean besides work related stuff," Jude rolled his eyes, it was his turn to be exasperated.
"Come on man, I've got work to do."
"You need to talk to someone about what's going on."
"I already spoke to you," Conrad reminded with a hurt look, still uncomfortable that he had revealed so much to the other man.
"You and I both know you didn't tell me a lot of things," Jude recalled the conversation they had on the flight back to Atlanta when the younger man had totally shut down any attempts to discuss the knife found under the mattress, "and that's fine.  But you can talk to Mike.  You know he's a good listener."
"I don't .....,"
"I know you don't want to but if you don't do something you're going to run yourself into the ground.  That's why he's waiting for you upstairs.  Now."
"What?!"
"You're shift ended ten minutes ago.  It's been cleared by Personnel.  Go up and talk to him. It might even help."
"I'm going home!" Conrad protested angrily as the door opened to reveal the middle aged Psychiatrist.
"Thought we could go for a walk," Mike suggested casually, ignoring the tension in the room.
"You can go for a walk with Jude here since ye enjoy talking so much."
"Jude has surgery but you're free so let's take that walk," Mike looked at the Surgeon who nodded imperceptibly and placed a comforting hand on the distressed mans' shoulder before leaving.

Mike eventually broke the silence and instructed Conrad to retrieve his jacket.  Obeying with obvious disapproval the younger man walked out into the hospital grounds beside the Psychiatrist.

"So you're angry," Mike commented as they walked along the pathway, "want to tell me why?"
"I don't like people making decisions for me! Jude had no right to change my shift."
"That's not the real reason you're angry."
"Mike no offence but I just want to be by myself okay?"
"No it's not 'okay'," the older man stopped and turned to the upset man, "you being alone isn't helping.  You're obviously still not eating properly or getting enough sleep.  I know we spoke about your childhood before but you didn't tell me everything.  Maybe if you talk about what it is you feel you need to keep hidden it will help."
"I've spoken to Jude as well.  Ye already know too much."
"What's too much?  As your friends nothing you tell us will ever be too much and nothing you ever say will stop us being your friend," Mike saw a flicker of emotion pass through the younger mans' eyes but it was gone so fast he couldn't identify it, "you can trust me no matter what."
"You're as stubborn as Jude."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"You would," Conrad scoffed as he began coughing in the cool air.
"Come on.  Let's get out of the cold," Mike gestured to the car park, "I'll bring you home."
"Drop me home?" Conrad asked hopefully trying not to sound like he was pleading.
"You wouldn't deny me a coffee after driving you home."
"Wanna bet?"
"Yes," Mike chuckled as he unlocked his car.

The drive was quiet as the fair haired Resident tried to think of ways to dissuade the Psychiatrist from his obvious objective to get him discuss his past.  He wasn't a fool and knew his friends' words made sense but with all he had revealed in the recent past he felt as if his nerves were being scraped away.  He wasn't sure if he had it in him to divulge any more details of his childhood.  He was by nature a private person but had often wondered if that aspect of his personality was formed by what he had gone through growing up or if he was just born that way.  He had come to the slow realization that the world around him had in fact shaped his personality.  That of course could be said for everyone.  Luckily for most children their environment was one of warmth and love.

Once they pulled up at the apartment block Mike glared at his friend as he was about to speak.

"It's too cold to sit in the car so move it."
"Hell," Conrad had no choice but to get out as the older man opened the drivers' door.
"You know you never really get angry," Mike observed as the pair rode up on the elevator.
"I do," Conrad frowned as the car stopped with a chime and the automatic doors opened.
"No you don't.  You get annoyed as you did earlier about Jude but you never really get angry properly," Mike stated as they entered the apartment and took off their jackets, "I know I've said you were angry before but in reality you keep it all locked up.  That's probably why cutting became a release for you."
"You want something to eat?" Conrad tried to change the topic as he headed into the kitchen.
"Actually I am feeling hungry but how about we order in?"
"What do you want?"
"Feel like Chinese."
"Okay.  The menus are in the desk drawer," Conrad pointed to his work station in the open plan apartment, "you can ring.  I'll have an omelette."
"You know there are other things to eat besides omelettes."
"You want Chinese I can have an omelette."

Conrad figured by ordering something to eat it would save him a lecture. Maybe by the time the delivery was made he would actually be hungry.  That thought reminded him of the prevading reason for his loss of appetite.  Maybe he should tell his friend some more about his childhood.  He did need to find a way to go on and as long as nightmares took over his sleep he knew he was never going to get healthy again.  He hoped he could talk about some more, but not all, of his secrets and it would give him some piece.

tbc