Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

For his part Conrad didn't wake until ten after eleven and he was surprised to see the message light blinking on the telephone sitting on the bedside locker.  The message had been left by Jude to inform him he was going out for an early breakfast but would be back at the hotel by ten and would await a call from him.  After a quick shower Conrad shaved and dressed in his faded blue jeans and a chunky black jumper, hoping to stave off the cold of the day.  After swallowing two painkillers and eating part of one of the chocolate bars he had placed in the mini bar he dialled his friends' room and arranged to meet him downstairs.

"Whoa," Jude grimaced at the bruised eyes, "you sure you're up to another day exploring?"
"Yeah.  This is your last day."
"It is?"
"Yeah.  I'm leaving in the morning."
"So where are we going tomorrow?" the Surgeon checked innocently as the pair walked through the lobby.
"You're going back to Atlanta," the fair haired man stated firmly as he put on his sunglasses to avoid the mild winters' day sunlight, "I need some time alone."
"Thought you liked my company."
"I do but I need some time to myself."
"You sure?"
"Yeah I am," Conrad ducked his head as they went through the foyer and down the steps, "and thanks for coming man.  I appreciate it."
"No thanks necessary between friends.  So where are we going?"
"Was thinking of going back to the house," Conrad said tentatively, unsure if his friend would be willing to return but reluctant to go alone.
"Sure," Jude agreed quickly understanding the trust implied by the request, "and later on you can treat me to lunch."
"You ever think of anything besides your stomach?"
"Occasionally my friend, occasionally," the tall man replied unoffended as he flagged down a cab.

Thirty five minutes later the two men stood in the grounds of the broken down mansion again.  Conrad took in the surroundings as he shivered and pulled up the zip of his leather jacket.  Over the years when he thought of his childhood this house had formed a major backdrop for so many memories.  He remembered now his favourite places to hide whether he was playing hide and seek or simply needed to be by himself to hide away his hurts.  Taking off the sunglasses to rub his sore eyes his gaze focused past the ruins on the bungalow where Tom and Alicia had lived.  Looking back now he realized how truly lucky he had been to have those two in his life.  Their bungalow was an extension of the house to him.  Tom and Alicia had taken pains to point out that Conrad was always welcome in their home, any time day or night.  At the time he hadn't really understood the full significance of their gesture but in later years he recognised it for what it was.  An expression of kindness, even love.

"You okay Conrad?" Jude had been observing his friend and noted the sadness which seemed to enshroud him as he looked at the bungalow in the background.
"Yeah," the pale man answered hoarsely, "just thinking back that's all.  You come to the bungalow with me?"
"Course," Jude patted his friends' shoulder and they headed around the mansion and along a winding pathway of stones which had been laid in the grass between the main house and the bungalow, "Alicia is quite a lady."
"She is.  She was always good to me.  They both were.  Never knew why."
"That's fairly obvious."
"Nuh uh," Conrad shook his head in disagreement as they reached the front door.
"They cared about you.  That's why they were good to you," the Surgeon explained gently as he pushed open the unlocked door after checking if it was locked.
"They used to let me come here whenever I wanted," Conrad stood back to let the older man go first then followed slowly.
"So where did you hide?"
"Usually under the stairs."
"You know Alicia loves you Conrad.  That was pretty clear last night.  Maybe ye can meet up again."
"Nah," the fair haired man walked along the short hallway to the kitchen, "I'm not coming back here again."
"That sounds very final.  You might change your mind one day."
"I won't."
"The place looks as if someone just walked out and forgot to come back," Jude frowned as he looked at the fully set table and a saucepan of spoilt food on the oven hob.
"That's cause they didn't," Conrad explained with a look of deep regret, "I found out years after the fire that my father threw Alicia out of the house on the night of the fire."
"Damn!"
"Can you imagine the pain she must have been in after seeing Janet die and then losing Tom? And what did my father do?  He threw her out on the street," Conrad turned away angrily as he brushed away a tear, "I couldn't tell her yesterday I knew what happened. I ...... I was too ashamed."
"Hey you listen to me Conrad," Jude walked closer and stepped in front of his friend, waiting until he met his gaze to continue, "you are not responsible for your fathers' actions. You were a kid and you were in hospital.  There was nothing you could have done.  I know Alicia isn't blaming you for anything and deep down you have to believe that too.  If she was blaming you she wouldn't have been talking of adopting you last night."
"Good thing I'm too old," the Resident forced a chuckle remembering the discussion.
"Don't think she'd let a little thing like that stop her if you lived in Savannah."
"Probably not," Conrad sighed heavily, all humour gone, "she's a really nice person."
"Definitely."
"So why?"
"Why what?" Jude leant back against the kitchen counter and looked at his friend carefully, not sure what he was getting at.
"Why was she nice to me?" Conrad asked the question then bolted for the back door in his desire to hide away.
"Stop! It's okay," Jude assured softly as he stepped into the overgrown yard where his friend had stopped, "you know as well as being a nice lady Alicia is an intelligent lady.  I don't think she's the type to care about just anyone and that tells me how highly she thought of you when you were a child and how highly she still thinks of you now."
"You don't understand," Conrad argued in frustration, "she can't ......,"
"Can't what?"
"She can't care about me."
"Why not?" Jude pressed.
"Because," Conrad shrugged his shoulders.
"Okaaay," Jude rubbed a hand down his face trying to understand what exactly was going on, "so tell me.  Tell me why Alicia 'can't' care about you.  Explain that to me because I don't believe you."
"I'm not .....," Conrads' words fizzled out as he looked at the foot high weeds around him.
"Tell me," Jude took slow steps closer to the distressed man wishing Mike Gibson had travelled to Savannah with him.
"I'm ..... worthless.  She can't care about me.  She can't!"

The older man heard the pain in the shouted words and for the first time got a glimpse of the very real hurt done to his friend as a child, which had obviously stayed with him in adulthood.  He just hoped he could convince the younger man he was mistaken.

tbc