Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND THREE: Home

"I think the one thing I could never get my head around was how everything seemed so random in Afghanistan," James put in seriously as he passed around more beers before sitting down again, "the guy next to you could be killed and you'd walk away without a scratch.  It was all so ........ random."
"We all know there's no answer to why him not me," Conrad shook his head morosely as he opened his second bottle and took a long drink, "we just have to accept what happened."
"You say that like it's easy," James pointed out ruefully, "and it's anything but."
"Never said it was easy."
"In the end none of us know when we're going to die," Jude put in, "hell we could all be dead by next year for all we know.   All we can do is live the life we want and do the best we can."
"I've always tried to do that since I got back," James admitted quietly as he looked in to the dancing flames, "to be honest I never really thought about things too much before Afghanistan but after seeing how quickly ones' life can be taken I knew when I came home I wanted to make a difference.    Before Jenny was diagnosed we had started a charity to help get terminal kids to Hawai'i with their families for a holiday away from hospitals.   After she passed the boys took on a lot of responsibility for it but after the first year of losing her I knew Jenny would have been disappointed in me so I got back involved.  Every year we give at least thirty families a holiday.  Feels right to be giving something back and seeing the parents unwind as their kids become kids again instead of patients is wonderful.    It also reminds me of how lucky I am with two healthy sons and working in a business I love.   There are many out there who aren't as lucky so I don't take it for granted."
"Know what you mean about giving something back," Jude nodded in concurrence, "it makes you feel good to know you make a difference."
"Jude did work for Doctors Without Borders," Conrad elaborated when his friend didn't.
"They work in some tricky spots," James noted thoughtfully, "you miss the action when you get back?"
"If I'm honest I have to say I did," the Surgeon confessed readily, "I always liked working under pressure and getting through a tough day made you feel like you had accomplished something."
"Guess you were looking at it from a different perspective from me," James offered without rancour before grinning, "I was counting down the days to go home from the minute I landed.  In fact the closer it got to being sent home the more convinced I was something bad was going to happen.   Drove the guys nuts I became so superstitious and I was never superstitious!"
"What did you do?" Conrad demanded with a knowing smile for he had come across some interesting superstitions while deployed.
"Decided I was wearing lucky socks," James admitted sheepishly, "didn't wash them for two months."
"Oh your buddies must have been thrilled with you," Jude laughed wrinkling his nose.
"Nope.   In the end they decided to throw me fully dressed into the showers and poured washing powder on my feet.   Said if the smell wasn't gone they were going to kill me themselves so I needn't worry about something bad happening before I made it home."
"And you survived intact," Conrad observed.
"Yeah but I still never got out of those socks once they had dried until I got stateside!"

"I knew a guy said as long as he always had his lucky charm he'd make it back alive," Jude eyed his companions, "he did too."
"What was his lucky charm?" James wondered.
"Conrad.  I told him he'd become my lucky charm after he saved me."
"Jude!" the fair haired man stood up in exasperation and headed to the pantry in search of snacks.
"Well it's the truth," the older man continued seriously sharing a look with James, "he ever tell you about saving my life?"
"No," James frowned, "but I heard about it from the others.   He was in the right place at the right time when those crates fell."
"Anyone want chips?" Conrad asked then tossed a bag to each man without waiting for answer, and sank back down in his chair.
"So you never got hurt again  when you had Conrad around?" James asked as he opened his bag and started munching.
"No. Never," Jude confirmed as he too opened his bag, he always liked cheese flavour, "of course I wish I could say the same for Conrad.   There were times my lucky charm was looking more like a ragdoll."
"Jude!"
"What?  It's the truth.  It's a miracle I don't have a head of white hair over you."
"Not my fault you're an old man," Conrad moved his legs to avoid a kick, "not my fault things happened."
"More like you got in the thick of things when it was dangerous," Jude rebutted, "sometimes I figured you actually thought you were invincible.   No matter what was happening around you you were never scared."
"Hell shows how much you know!    I was terrified but there was no point in showing it.  It wouldn't have helped those around me."
"All anyone can do in those life and death situations is the best they can do.  Everyone deals with things their own way," James acknowledged recalling some of the situations he had found himself in, "one thing you learn in war is that fear has to be mastered to some extent.  Doubt there's a Soldier alive who wouldn't admit they were afraid at some point.   Be lying if they said otherwise."
"Definitely," Jude said as he bit into a chip, "thing is though that fear can also make you feel so alive.   You become more aware of things.   Things you never really paid much attention to."
"To this day I get up at sunrise and listen to the birds singing out back," James shared, "I learnt over there never to take the simple things for granted."
"You have a really nice home," Conrad commented wistfully as he gestured to their cosy surroundings, "it's somewhere you could dream of if you were far away."
"How about you?" James asked carefully sensing all was not well with his young friend.
"What do you mean?"
"What's your home like?"
"I have an apartment in a red brick building.  It's grand."
"But is it home?"
"Guess it is," the faired haired man shrugged noncommitedly, not sounding too confident in his answer.
"You find a place that's home you'll know it."
"You could make the apartment home if you wanted to," Jude cut in.
"What?"
"Get some nice things.  Make it really cosy ........ like here."
"Don't know what you're talking about?"
"Conrad the apartment is big but it's lacking personal touches.  You have a desk for study and a book shelf but there's nothing there that says it's your home."
"What are you?   A House Designer all of a sudden?"
"Nope.   Just making some observations is all."
"Yeah well change the topic."
"So when can I visit?" James obliged.
"Visit?" Conrad put down his empty bag and picked up his half full bottle.
"I'm heading to the mainland next month so I figure I can drop in on ye."
"Where are you heading to?" Jude asked before Conrad could.
"Alabama and then onto Georgia."
"In that case any time you want to visit is grand," Jude held out his bottle to clink with their host ignoring the Residents' frown, this might be a good thing for his friend ....

tbc