Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER NINETY-NINE: Reluctance

Silence descended for a few moments after the younger mans' question.  Jude frowned as he wondered just what he was dealing with.  He was asking about his father so apparently he wasn't having a flashback to Afghanistan, which was a good thing.  Then again he was asking about his father which was not a good thing, especially given the fact that a quick forehead check confirmed he didn't have a fever.

"Hey buddy your father isn't here," Jude finally spoke looking into the pain dulled, bruised eyes, "you must have been having a bad dream."
"Sorry," Conrad glanced at his companion with a frown, "not sure what happened."
"I think maybe you went sleepwalking," the older man suggested as he stood up and found a fresh face cloth, making short work of rinsing it under the cold tap and handing it over as he sank down to sit beside the confused man, "how about telling me about the dream?  It might help."
"Damn," the fair haired man sighed as he pressed the cold material to his eyes, "don't know why things are coming up now.   Since we got here it's like a door has opened.   I'm having dreams about thinks that actually happened."
"You didn't dream about your father before?"
"Sure I did but lately I've been having the dreams more frequently."
"You mean since we came to Hawai'i?"
"Yeah."
"I think it's not necessarily where we are because we've only been here a short time but you just let yourself relax more.   Got to be tiring holding in so much hurt and pain.   Figure it weighs on a man after a while.   Something is bound to give in the end."
"So I'm cracking up?" Conrad asked sardonically, his eyes still hidden behind the wet cloth.
"Nope.  Just reckon you're ready to deal with some memories that's all.  So tell me about the nightmare."
"You're persistent I'll say that for you."
"So go on.  Tell me," Jude urged gently, hoping his friend would open up.

"I told you ..... about the time he came back and found me taking a sandwich ...,"
"Yeah."
"It wasn't the only time he caught me doing something wrong."
"Nothing wrong with wanting to eat when you're hungry."
"Well my father had his own views on right and wrong.  I remember one time he came up to my room and found me eating a snack bar.  It was between meals.  He flipped."
"What did he do?"
"He took the bar and locked me in for five days.   Had to use a bottle to ...... you know ....,"
"Hey no need to be embarrassed with me man," Jude quickly insisted as the cloth finally came away from his friends' eyes, "so what did he do when he let you out?"
"Made me eat a bowl of porridge," Conrad grimaced, "he knew it was the one thing I hated.  Course by that time I was so hungry the taste didn't really matter.   I just needed to get something inside of me, to stop feeling so weak.  I was lucky Tom and Alicia came back the next day and he left for three weeks.   I think they knew something had happened but I didn't tell them."
"Why not?"
"Nothing they could do to change things.   Besides I was afraid he'd fire them."
"Did he hurt you a lot?"
"To be honest I haven't thought of those years in such a long time I can't even say I remember all the times he got ....... physical.  In a way though the physical pain was easier to deal with than the times he just locked me in my room.  I'd have been lost without my books but you can only read for so long and the time crawled.  I never knew how long he was going to keep me shut in.  Sometimes I wonder what I did that made him want to hurt me but I'll never get an answer."
"There is no answer man because nothing you did could have justified him hurting you.  You need to accept that."
"I know you're right but ........,"
"It's not so straightforward," Jude finished, "what was the nightmare about?"
"Let's get out of here," Conrad went to get up slowly, mindful of his head, "if I'm going to talk I need some pain- killers."
"Sure," the  older man agreed and quickly rose, putting a hand on his friends' shoulder, "I'll order room service."
"No need I have some chocolate bars in my gearbag."
"You'll eat something heavier," Jude insisted as he guided the pale man over to the window and eased him  down on a chair before going over to the telephone, "besides I could eat something myself."

Fifteen minutes later both men sat at the table as they enjoyed chicken salad sandwiches.  Chewing a piece of chicken the Surgeon eyed the other man assessingly.   The meds had been taken as soon as the food arrived but it would be another while before they kicked in.   For his part Conrad forced himself to take small bites of the sandwich, willing the meds to numb the pain encompassing his head.  Picking up astray piece of lettuce he looked across the table.

"You believe in fate?"
"As in love at first sight kind of thing?"
"Yeah. Like some people believe fate decides when they will die."
"Not really sure to be honest.  That would mean you're destined to die on a certain day no matter what you did.  That would mean we have no say."
"You say that cause you like having control."
"Most people do to some extent," Jude reminded around a mouthful of bread and chicken as he wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin, "do you believe in fate?"
"Don't know.   I wonder though if some people are born lucky and others not."
"You've lost me," Jude frowned as he took a sip of cool beer to wash down the remains of his sandwich before wiping his mouth with a napkin.
"Maybe some people are just born .... bad."
"Your father?"
"Him and others."
"I don't know.  I figure everyone at a certain age has to decide what kind of a person they're going to be and it's up to each individual to make that choice.  But you know what defines our character are the choices we make in any given situation.   No one sits down as a teenager and ticks off boxes to decide on what type of person they're going to be.  How we act reflects our character.  I know there are people out there with mental attributes which are affixed to psychopaths and sociopaths but there are plenty of bad people around who are apparently normal.  End of the day you have a choice to be good or bad."
"Guess so," Conrad sighed wearily as he rubbed his eyes, relieved the pain was finally receding as the strong medication did its' work.
"You ready to talk?"
"You sure you want to hear it?"
"Positive," Jude assured as he put down his glass.
"I was about five I think," Conrad shivered despite the humidity as the nightmare came to life in his mind, "I was on holidays from school.  Tom and Alicia had been gone a couple of days ......,"
"So your father was alone with you," Jude prompted softly.
"Yeah ..... he'd been in bad form even before Tom and Alicia left ......

tbc