Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT: A Shared Concern

In the restaurant Jude hastily handed over a handkerchief to the upset storyteller. He shook his head distractedly as he saw their Waitress watching and clearly thinking of approaching their table.

"I'm sorry.  This is obviously hard for you to talk about.  I didn't mean for you to bring back bad memories," the black haired man offered contritely.
"It is hard but not for the reason you may think," Alicia patted her eyes and took a deep calming breath, "I talk about Tom a great deal.  Like I said Pedro is a patient man.  Now let me finish."
"You don't have .....,"
"Young man are you going to talk or listen?"
"Sorry M'am."
"Thought so," Alicia smiled before becoming serious as her eyes once again reflected that she was thinking of another time .......

"Sweetie what is it?"
"I ........," the six year boy looked at the two adults and weighed his options, perhaps they would understand he decided eventually so quietly he began to talk, "my eyes.  It, it feels like they've been ...... cut."
"What do you mean?" Tom asked carefully, maintaining his hold on the too small boy.
"The Doctor didn't know what ....... to call it."
"What did the Doctor say Sweetie?" Alicia asked with a fond look at the child of her heart.
"He said he couldn't say what the ...... uh .... diagnosis was because he didn't know," the child confided as he fisted his eyes, "Daddy said he ..... he was a um ....... a silly Doctor."
"He did did he?" Tom rolled his eyes out of sight knowing the man in question would not have used such a word but understanding the childs' attempt to explain without cursing.
"Uh huh," the boy confirmed, relieved his listening audience didn't seem to be getting angry.
"Did the Doctor say anything else Sweetie?"
"I heard him talking to Daddy and Mommy.  He said the two eyes ..... did not work together sometimes.  He said when that happens it puts a ....... a strain on ...... I don't know ....... a strain on something."
"Maybe your optic nerve?" the Nanny suggested a guess as she placed a hand gently on the boys' face.
"Yeah," the child sat up straighter happy they knew what he was talking about but then groaned and quickly grabbed his head, subconsciously banging it against the convenient broad chest.
"Hey now it's going to be okay," Tom consoled as he began rocking and stopped the child hitting his head against his chest, "we're right here with you and we'll look after you."
"What will help the pain Sweetie? What can I get to help you?" the Nanny asked hoping there was some physical comfort to ease the obvious agony.
"I ......., could you get a wet facecloth?" the ill boy asked timidly.
"Of course.  Perhaps ice cubes would help?" Alicia headed for the door quickly.
"Yes please," the boy replied as if he was giving thanks for a treat.
"Conrad is there any medication you take?" Tom checked making sure there was no anger in his voice for they had not been appraised of the new health problem on their return to work after a one week trip to New York for a funeral.
"No," the pale boy ducked his head.
"Well besides the cold cloth what helps?"
"Nothing."
"Why were you hitting your head on the wall? Tom felt the frame he held tense.
"Don't know."
"I'm not going to get angry Little Soldier.  I'm just trying to understand."
"I ...... I don't know.  It stops the....... my eyes ......,"
"It's okay," Tom accepted the answer, although not understanding it, for he knew it wasn't time to stop pressing for more information as his wife returned.
"Sweetie I've soaked a facecloth under the cold tap and I've folded some ice cubes inside it," the Nanny held a bowl with said wet items in her hand, "how about you lie down and put this on your eyes?"
"That sounds like a good idea," Tom explained when he saw the indecision on the small features then smiled conspiratorially as he lowered his voice to a stage whisper, "and when you're feeling better you and me can can go on another mission.  I heard there are cookies in this building."
"So ye're the Cookie Monsters!" Alicia feigned shock.
"What? Us never!" Tom defended and was rewarded with a wan smile .....

"Damn."
"Exactly," Alicia concurred heartily as she regained her composure, "took us quite a while to convince him we weren't angry at him.  We knew his father was never good with showing affection but what he did to that child when he was sick was criminal.  To be honest we even thought of running away with him."
"I'm just glad he had someone around who cared."
"You must think we were terrible," Alicia countered, "we knew what was happening yet we didn't report it."
"I'm guessing Hawkins had influential friends. If ye made a fuss ye would have been fired and Conrad would have lost ye."
"That was our reasoning," Alicia accepted the words, "but it was something we struggled with greatly.  Mr. Hawkins made sure we were off whenever Mrs. Hawkins visited," the gray haired woman explained, "I told Conrad this last night."
"How did he take it?"
"You know that boy.  He'll never let on he's hurt."
"No he won't."
"His father should have told us about the eye problem so that we could have been on the look out for Conrad hiding away.  He always did when he was hurt or feeling unwell.  I never told you why he said he was hitting his head against the wall when Tom found him. Turns out by hitting his head he could concentrate on the fresh pain for a few seconds before the eye pain would grab his attention again.  It was a vicious cycle.  I've never forgotten that day.  He was only six and he really did feel as if his eyes had been cut. Thank God I have never known eye pain but even the thought of having a cut eye makes me wince."

"I hear you," Jude grimaced at the thought as he sighed heavily, "it must have been hard for you after the fire."
"Yes.  It was. Losing Tom so unexpectedly really came as a shock.  And then I lost Conrad," Alicias' eyes welled up again, "I spoke to Conrad last night about what happened after the fire.  You see I never saw him after that day.  Mr. Hawkins told him I was angry at him because ....... Tom died .... and it turns out he also ....... he told Conrad the fire was his fault.  Faulty wiring caused the fire.  It had nothing to do with that boy!"
"What the hell?!" Jude raised his voice unintentionally drawing further attention their way and nodded in apology to the nearby diners.
"The worst part .......," Alicia confided as she brushed away a tear, "is that he believed it. He actually thought I didn't want to see him.  People can be so cruel."
"They sure can," the Surgeon commiserated shaking his head in disgust, "and Alicia he may have believed his father as a child but I'm sure when he was older he worked out what had really happened."
"I went to the hospital the day after ..... I was told only family could visit.  I went back every day but was never allowed see him.  Then one day I went and I was told he had been discharged.  I rang all the hotels but they hadn't checked in. Conrad told me last night that he had actually been transferred to a hospital in Atlanta.  I should have thought of that."
"Alicia hindsight is not a wonderful thing.  It just compounds our guilt over steps not taken," Jude offered gently, wanting to help the kind woman understand her self imposed guilt was unfounded, "you loved Conrad and he knows that.  Don't dwell on the what ifs. It won't get you anywhere."
"Yes.  You are right," the former Nanny accepted the offered absolution, "Pedro has told me this often."
"You know something," Jude looked at his companion as a thought struck him, "Conrad told me about the eye problem recently but he said he was twelve when it started."
"Well that's not right.  He was definitely six.  I'm guessing but maybe he said twelve because that was the last time he got a diagnosis, or should I say a lack of diagnosis."
"Yeah.  You're probably right," Jude agreed, "so you going to visit Conrad in Atlanta?" the Surgeon decided to lighten the mood as he gestured for the bill.
"I was thinking of asking Conrad."
"Do yourself a favour.  Don't ask.  Just show up."
"I think you know my boy very well," Alicia grinned mischievously.

tbc