Perseverance (The Resident FF) by Frances51163

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: Christmas Unease

It had taken some time but Conrad had finally succeeded in persuading his friends to leave with a promise that he would meet them the following day. Once alone he thought over the things that had happened since Andys' death and how so many people had come back into his life recently. He had initially been glad to see Eric and Danny but now they seemed to be someone to avoid rather than spend time with. That realization caused Conrad to pause because being honest they were acting as good friends should. Mike had made sure he understood that he needed to deal with his issues rather than evade them. Mack had brought back more unwanted memories. Yet they all acted and spoke in good faith. As friends do. No. His friends weren't the problem, he was. He had to find a way to convince everyone he was fine. Afrer all he had been doing that since he was a child. He just needed to get his act together he chided himself. As if it was that simple! Rinsing a facecloth under the cold tap he poured a large glass of milk and swallowed a few DFs before draining the glass. Heading back over to the bed he made short work of getting undressed and pulling the blinds down. His eyes were starting to go again and this time he had the luxury of being at home and trying to deal with the pain before it took a firm hold. Easing his tired body down on the mattress he lay on his right side and pulled the covers up. There would be time enough later to think about what he would do. For now he sought sanctuary in the medicinal relief sighing as he covered his eyes with the cool cloth and allowed himself fall into the darkness where pain, physical or otherwise, lost its' hold.

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Devon and Nic met Mike the following Monday in the cafeteria. Although reluctant to invade their friends' privacy the pair broached the subject of Conrads' health as they settled at the window table with the older man.

"Ye know as much about his health as I do," the Psychiatrist tried to brush aside the question he had been asked.
"Look Dr. Gibson," Nic brushed a strand of blonde hair away, "we know he trusts you. We were just hoping you could tell us what we can do to help him."
"Ye're already doing it. Ye're his friends."
"But he's not well," Devon pointed out around a bite of chicken salad, "and we want to be there for him."
"I can only tell ye not to give up on him. Conrad is a very complex young man," Mike supplied cryptically.
"We know," Nic rolled her eyes, "that's the problem."
"No it's not young lady," Mike frowned and put down his coffee cup, "you're implying Conrad is a problem rather than he is someone with a problem. There is a big difference."
"She didn't mean it that way," Devon defended as he put down the remains of his sandwich, his appetite gone, "we just want to help him."
"Unfortunately with Conrad he will only accept help on his terms," Mike explained seriously, "patience is the key."
"He doesn't trust us," Nic stated crossing her arms in resignation as she leant back in her chair.
"I think you will find he does," Mike offered, "if anything it's himself he doesn't trust."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Look that's just a personal impression I have. I shouldn't have said it really but I know ye care about him."
"We do," Devon assured, "so basically you're telling us to stick with him and not give up on him?"
"I suppose you could say that," Mike admitted with a smile.
"You don't have to worry. We never would," Devon reached across the table and smiled as they shook hands.
"That's what I figured."

"So how are things Conrad?" Jude approached his friend at the Nurses Station where he was filling out a form.
"Same as usual. Busy," the third year Resident kept writing.
"Haven't seen you in a while."
"That's what happens when you work different shifts."
"Guess you're right. How about joining me for a drink at the end of shift?"
"Sure," Conrad agreed as he placed the completed form in a tray.
"Thought I'd have to twist your arm," Jude confessed as he slapped his friend on the shoulder finally getting him to look his way.
"Nah. Been a while since we went out."
"So can Devon and Nic come along since you're in the mood for socialising?"
"Don't know if they're free," Conrad commented with a shrug.
"They are. I spoke with them earlier."
"Well in that case the more the merrier."
"Good. Catch you later," the Surgeon headed off glad he had accompolished his self imposed mission.

Conrad sighed as he watched his friend walking away. It would have been easier to pretend everything was alright when he was with Jude alone. He just hoped he could put on a convincing act for the trio. If he did it would relieve some of the pressure he felt he was under.

An hour into arriving at the local bar the fair haired man was feeling relaxed after two beers. His friends hadn't plied him with questions about his health or anything and he was actually enjoying the company as they sat in a booth at the back of the busy bar. His enjoyment however was about to be disrupted.

"So who's got plans for Christmas?" Devon asked innocuously as Jude returned with another round of drinks.
"Spending time with my family," Nic replied as she accepted a bottle.
"Me too," Devon nodded as he took a sip of beer.
"How about you Jude?" Nic looked across at the dark haired Surgeon as he sat back down beside the fair haired man.
"Usually head home to spend some time with my parents."
"No siblings?" Devon asked.
"None. Just means more turkey for me!"
"How about you Conrad?" Nic asked.
"What?"
"What do you usually do for Christmas?"
"The usual," Conrad shifted uncomfortably.
"Which is?" Devon prompted unaware the other man was uneasy.
"Like ye do," Conrad took a gulp of beer and checked the time, "this has been fun guys but I gotta go."
"Stay another while," Jude remained seated so his friend couldn't get out of the booth but casually changed the topic, "it's still early. So who saw the game last night?"
"I lost ten bucks," Devon shook his head, "last time I make a bet with Steve."
"In Security?" Nic checked.
"Yeah. Why?"
"So did I!"
"That'll teach ye for betting against the Braves," Jude showed no sympathy as he referred to the Atlanta Braves.
"You should know better than gambling," Conrad looked across at Devon with a smile, glad to be back on safer ground.
"Don't tell us you won?" Nic accused.
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"I won't tell ye I won," Conrad took out a fifty from his wallet and passed it over, "next round is on me but you can get them."
"And don't waste time," Jude ordered sipping from his bottle as he threw the first year Resident a wink knowing he understood the reason for the change in subject, "I'm halfway through this already. And get some nuts as well. I'm feeling peckish."
"Damn ye old guys drink fast," Devon grumbled as he headed away.
"Hey I'm not an old guy!" Nic called after the departing figure as she put down her empty bottle.
"Glad I didn't say you were an old guy," Jude grinned broadly.
"You wouldn't be brave enough," Conrad ribbed the older man beside him willing to go along with the rest of the evening now that the talk had steered away from Christmas. That held more dark memories for him. Ones he shied away from.

tbc