All The Hurt Would Go Away

Over the horizon...

Unknown:
Hey, Andy here

Me:
Of course I know
that 😂

Andy:
You didn't delete
my number?

Me:
I did, but only
you and Lin text
me.

Andy:
I really want to
meet again you
know? Make it
right.

Me:
So do I,
but give it
time.

He wished me goodnight as I shut my phone off. It seems like it's moving too fast but I don't want to slow it down at all. Half of me cannot forget what he's done but half of me cannot forget how it felt to be in his arms, his warm presence around me felt like home and now I feel lost without it. I long to be with him but am reluctant in fear of what he'll do - in other words I'm twisted around his finger. He can manipulate me to do whatever he wishes since he has some magnetic aura that pulls me towards him no matter how far he pushes me away. Lying in my bed I am restless thinking of what to do or say - the idea that he wants to meet again and do it right makes me nervous but excites me all the same. Lin had to leave since his kids got tired and I'm having an early night after what today has brought. To think yesterday I was comfortable not having met Andrew and bored, more than bored. But now I'm uncomfortable having met him but excited, so much more excited than before. The next morning I wake up for the first time without clutching my pillow tightly, I felt comfortable being single now all was resolved but I feel anxious to get back together with a certain someone. After a tense breakfast of sitting in silence I finally caved and called him.
"Jon? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Well I must be your last resort if you wanted to call someone."
It hurt to think he thought of himself like that but at the same time it made sense.
"I wanted to talk with someone."
"And I just happened to be at the top of your contact list?"
I could hear his smirk through the phone.
"Are you on stage?"
"No I took a day off to relax and try to win you back."
Immediately my face flushed, why didn't he tell me earlier?
"You're blushing aren't you?"
I stayed quiet as he chuckled quietly to himself.
"I'm glad you didn't move on, I loved it when you blushed. I know it's hard to believe I loved anything but I truly did."
I smiled, those were some of my best memories.
"Why did you leave Hamilton?"
"Hmm?"
"I overheard two guards talking about it in prison, what happened?"
"I couldn't continue the strain of doing it."
A long silence spread over the phone
"I'll pick you up in 10."
And with that he ended the call, what's with me and randomly getting picked up against my will? I rolled my eyes and began to get ready. The joke of it all was I was getting ready to meet a guy who raped me, I'm bothering with my appearance to impress him. Ten minutes later he arrived and I opened the door to see him carrying a bouquet of roses. Wow.
"Getting Groff back begins. You ready?"
I put the roses in a vase and turned to him grinning.
"Ready."
Andrew made sure to pull all of the tricks out for tonight - I knew of this as soon as he opened his car door for me to go through gesturing with his arm for me to go inside. He played 'sailing' throughout the entire car journey singing along with me, as he was driving he opened the window at a traffic light and another man opened his window shouting "faggots". I turned the music up to ignore him but instead Andrew muted the music turned to him and asked politely if he has watched a film or musical in his lifetime. When answered 'yes' he explained this impertinent man has probably seen a gay actor before so it shouldn't surprise him and to let us be on our way. The light turned green and Andrew saluted this stranger before driving off, meanwhile I wanted the ground to swallow me up. While we both have stage presence, only Andrew has social presence and he is to blame for me losing that superpower. The restaurant slowly came into view and seconds later we had parked in our spot, I smiled painfully at the large sign that used to state 'The Dalawa" now changed to "Mabalani" after being bought by another company. This one was more fancy with white and gold as main colours and wasn't home to the same bad memories the Dalawa had. Andrew quickly ran out of the car to open my car door as I got out and offered his arm for me to hold as I walked, feeling like I was on a red carpet.
"Smile, you're on camera"
Andrew teased as I quickly looked around me for the Press. He chuckled then nodded his head towards a CCTV camera causing my face to flush with embarrassment and him to laugh louder. I missed this, daily teasing but caring, not too far. I just wish it were from a different story - without the entire Stacy, Lin, Prison charade. I will never come to grips with the fact I am this close to a murderer who got away with it but it's easier to not think about it. Even though the thought of not thinking about it sounds like a dangerous thought to have. I thought about the date we had instead. Andrew walked directly up to the front guest, me by his arm, and spoke his order number and, despite the queue of people all around us trying to pay for seats we were led straight through. As Andrew pulled my seat back for me to sit down and tucked me in I remembered how we used to be, before all of it happened. How I was so much more at ease and satisfied with life in general. I felt Andrew place his hand on my leg beneath the table as he smiled at me but then it all crashed down. The memories, how I felt so trapped I just waited for it to be over, hollowed out physically and emotionally. I saw Andrews face turn to that of worry as he took his hand away and rushed out from his seat and towards me screaming for someone to call an ambulance, I was shaking and sweating at the same time and couldn't breathe. Andrew tried to brush my tears from my face but I recoiled immediately and slapped him hard on the cheek. I could hear it, the crowd could hear it, it'll be on the news. I saw a red mark beginning to form on his cheek as my vision faded to black.