All The Hurt Would Go Away

She is gone...

"Lin where's my phone?"
I yawned while stumbling downstairs, I'm sure I woke up quicker than usual. Lin was in his study, as always, with the door open (which is always a surprise). Without looking up Lin stated
"With the police."
Suddenly I was awake
"What?"
"He texted you again while you were napping, I don't know how, but he said 'have a good nap'."
"So?"
"He wasn't in the house when you said you were going to nap. As far as we knew."
"Oh. So he was still -?"
"Somehow yeah, still listening in."
Lin had turned around by now and looked a mess, I peered over to see what he was writing.
"Missing? Who's missing?"
Lin rubbed his eyes with one hand taking a deep breath, he still hadn't looked me in the eyes. It's a small thing but I noticed.
"I-I think Andrew took her."
He looked broken, I didn't want to push him to say anything further so my mind raced for who it was. He was in Lin's house, there is - I burst open the door and ran to the lounge yet to see Isaac napping calmly. Oh god. I fell to a kneel on the floor banging my fists into the carpet. Not her. Please god not her. Three years old, three fucking years old and trapped with that sicko. If I weren't so lazy I'd have been awake and - just learning how to walk - I could of stopped it from happening so - just starting to try new foods - he wouldn't have - small and  fragile.
"So fragile. I'm going to break you."
My blood ran cold as I realised the scale of what he could do. Surely he wouldn't - we need to find her. I was tense, furious at Andrew. It's too far. That motherfucker needs to die. He's caused so much pain and - I can't live with the knowledge he's still on the planet.
"We need to find her."
I growled to Lin standing in the doorway.
"I know Jon, the search team are out looking."
"We need to go too."
I was trying to take deep breaths, it won't work, I need to see him dead.
"Jon, I've already been out for an hour, they told me to go home. We'll slow them down if we go."
"We need - to go"
All I could see was Andrew's twisted face smiling down at her. Playing with her hair, lifting her up and forming her, bit by bit, into a broken picture like he made of me.
"Jon, you're not thinking. You need to breathe. If you won't do that at least get away from Isaac, you don't want him to see you like this."
I let out a cold laugh turning to face him.
"You don't know shit about how people see me. This motherfucker killed Stacy, raped me and stole your daughter. What do you care about? How I fucking look. Your wife, daughter and friend have all been attacked. Wonder why you haven't yet? Wonder why he hasn't taken you or god forbid anything more? You're the star of this shit show Lin Manuel, so don't give me all the bull about how people perceive me. The news is gonna love all these cover-ups! You think they won't find out, of course they fucking will, they know he raped me and I never told them. I put him in jail but I never publicly said that. You need to back up and start thinking about how many people you are putting into harm's way. And when you get that reality check you can come visit - I'm leaving this fucking shit hole."
I pushed past him and he let me go upstairs to pack, he deserved every word. When I returned to leave he was playing with Isaac in the lounge, he didn't look up once. Typical. I called an Uber back to my house and unpacked my stuff as quickly as I could. The quicker I leave the quicker I find her since Lin can't be bothered. Andrew will get what's coming even if it ruins my career, it'll be worth the prison time. The sweet catharsis of it all. Giving up I dropped the suitcase on the floor and left downstairs through the front door, rationality steps behind as I sprinted to the field. Where would he take her? Although I didn't want to, I had to go back to us. Where did he take us? What did we do? The thoughts made me sick. I sat on a bench trying to get my breath back and spoke to myself as I thought.
"Lin said I met him at the clothing place while getting the kids funeral clothes. Then, no, not in this field, we went to the hospital to visit Lin. We must have. Then... UGH!"
I raised each hand to my head cringing at the achy pain surrounding it. Did I hit my head recently? I closed my eyes and focused more on remembering stuff but all I got was more pain. It began to rain as I stood up to keep walking, not a clue where but I needed to find her. I needed to get her back even if it kills me. She deserves that at least. My phone started to buzz so I answered the call hearing Lin's voice
"Where the fuck are you?"
"What's it to you?"
"They've found where they are. You're wasting time."
"You in the car?"
"Yes. Where are you?"
"In the field."
He hung up and I walked to the usual entrance. Surely enough, Lin drove up and shortly sped off the second I closed the car door behind me. He wasn't talking and the radio wasn't on.
"Lin, I -"
"Save it."
He muttered still looking at the road ahead, I know it's hard to drive in the rain but he's never struggled to a hold a conversation. Nevertheless I sat in silence until we got to a dilapidated house far from the outskirts of town.
"Get out."
Uncomfortably I left the car closing the door quietly as Lin did the same. As we approached we saw Andrew laughing like a maniac as he got taken away in handcuffs. He saw us and laughed harder keeping eye contact singularly with me.
"Motherfucker."
I muttered under my breath and Lin pulled me towards one of the men in uniform.
"Where is my daughter."
"She's not here Sir. We will continue the search tomorrow. There's a shortage of staff and we are needed elsewhere."
The man walked away leaving Lin stood in the rain and completely numb. He let go of my arm and let his hand just hang there by his side. He didn't look away from where the man once stood. As the cars drove away with sirens blasting I nudged Lin.
"Hey."
"Hey Lin."
"Lin, they've got him."
"Don't you get it? I don't care about him. I don't care about you I don't care about anyone right now apart from my kids!"
I blinked as he turned and walked back to his car, sitting inside until I took it as my cue to get in. As he pulled up to my house he uttered
"They're all I've got Jon. They're all I have of Stacy."
"Lin, they're gonna find them."
"They didn't find Stacy in time. What if tonight is the last -"
He gasped as a tear rolled down his cheek, still looking forward he didn't show emotion apart from the stream of tears flowing down his cheeks. No frown, no sound but just a cold, melancholy silence. I stepped outside feeling the rain hit my head, please God, please let her survive.