All The Hurt Would Go Away

Will I ever make a sound?

"Jon?"
"He-He was here."
"Who?"
"That's how he knew it was my childhood song, that's why he sang it to me without me telling him. He made it up."
"Jon, calm down now. Tell me who it was."
"Who do you think he is?"
"You mean to say Andrew broke in to your house while you were living with me due to your flashbacks?"
"Well done."
"How could he? The door lock was intact otherwise we'd have difficulty getting in. Any windows or anything?"
"Loads. Check that out overtime. Anyway we need to sort this out first."
I put the card back where it used to be and turned to Lin who wiped a finger across the surface then admired the dust.
"So, after we have a spring clean, you should stay one night here by yourself. You can be in contact with someone but don't invite anyone in. Then it'll move things along quicker."
"When are you talking? Is this a week away? Month?"
"I was hoping tomorrow night?"
I did a double take then raised my eyebrows
"Ha. Ha."
"I'm not kidding Jon."
"No I was admiring how straight faced you are when you speak bullshit."
He eyed the closed bedroom door then looked back at me.
"Swearing when my kids are within earshot does not help your case Jon, get your stuff sorted out then you can come back to me. Speak another word against me and you won't be coming back with me and the kids tonight."
I ignored him and sat on the bed testing the springs while he watched. Continuing on I familiarised myself with my bedroom and all the childhood photos of me. I felt exposed and nauseous knowing Andrew had probably seen all of them, oh my god what if he took a photo of my room? What if he posts it online and everyone will laugh and no one will consider me for auditions since I'm a global laughing stock so my career will go down the drain then my mother and all my friends will leave me alone so they don't get dragged down with me so I'll have no one to turn to and -
"You okay Jon?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Just - can I be alone for a second?"
He hesitated then left the room slowly closing the door behind him. I heard it click shut then got out my memory box filled to the top with small objects which marked key events in my life. My Scouts membership certificate, my graduation photo, my first Broadway show; small photos, tickets and snow globes made up the majority of the box. Perhaps one day when I'm not so tired I could try to jumpstart my memory with the time period I've forgotten. For now I'll just put that stuff aside. My breath caught in my throat as I saw the letter my father sent me before he was first declared MIA. My mum read it to me but I could hardly remember what she said then so I took the time to go over it one more time to reconnect with my father. I chuckled at the little jokes he interweaved in the letter, that's one thing I got from him, we both always pretend things are much better than they are. He probably did so to cheer himself up, I'm more likely to not want to drag other people down with me. Come to think of it that could be the same for my father in that letter really.
"Jon?"
Two knocks followed on the door
"It's been an hour, you okay?"
I frantically put the stuff back in the box then hid the box.
"Yeah I'm good, want me to help with the kids?"
"Nah they're actually less frustrating in a different space they're just curious and quiet."
I hummed in approval
"But I do want you to get out of there I'm a bit lonely."
I laughed then opened the door and got consumed in a hug
"Woah! I'm not dying mate!"
"I thought you were having a mental breakdown or something in there, I didn't know you'd be fine."
We both laughed and I followed him to where the kids were, Lin was right about the fact that they were quiet and curious. Ariella was playing with dolls silently while Isaac was somewhat fascinated by running his fingers across the paint on the wall. Glad that it was his fingers and not a sharpie I took a breath of relief.
"I'm just gonna look around the house, refresh you know."
Lin nodded and I set off walking around the space, the true reason was now that Andrew had been inside I had to go check nothing else was out of order. Yes it could be OCD but I could still remember the placing of everything, besides, it's my home. The TV switched on behind me so clearly Lin had enough of the silent curiosity. From what I could tell everywhere I looked was intact, but the only notable difference in the house was in my bedroom. Was that on purpose? He's smart so he wouldn't have left it by accident which means - Andrew wanted me to know! But why? I never told him my address so
"I want you to feel like prey."
I spun around yet to see the devil reincarnate.
"Get out of my house."
"It's a nice place really, I mean, your room is the cutest though with all those photos of you as a kid. Aesthetic for sure."
I remained silent
"I would tell you how I got in but that means I'll never be able to visit again so you'll have to just keep guessing on that one. But, just to check, we're friends right?"
I burst out laughing
"Friends? You and I have very different definitions of the word."
"Well, I consider you my friend. And friends occasionally hang out round each other's houses. You came to mine a few times so I came to yours."
"The point of that is the other friend is there too? Otherwise you're a stalker."
He gave a pointed look to me
"So where are you right now dear friend if you aren't here?"
"Calling the police I wish, get out of my house."
"Jon, don't try to be threatening, it just makes you look cuter."
"Then I'll say it. Get out of his house you prick."
I smirked hearing Lin behind me
"You heard me, do I look cuter now I'm the scary guy? I bloody hope the prison guard is cute next time you see them cause at this rate you'll be with them for a while."
"Prison isn't that bad actually."
"Good, looking forward to going back?"
"Fuck off."
"How about you fuck off? Out of his house?"
"I'll remember the address"
I then remarked
"I'll remember watching you get pushed into the police car next time you visit."
"As if you'd have the confidence to call them Jon, you can't even stand up for yourself. Face it. You're just a weak, pathetic little whore"
My breath caught in my throat and I looked down to the ground. Does everyone think the reason I keep going back to Andrew is for sex? I shouldn't have even gone to Lin's after it happened me and my big mouth.
"What the fuck did you just say to him?!"
Lin shouted
"Lin, don't -"
I tried to intervene but Andrew had already continued on
"You heard me, in case you need details. Every time Jon visited me he would practically beg for sex. He has this little fantasy thing where he wants no control. I guess the time I took full control he realised he craved it. You think he's the innocent one. He's just a filthy slut."
At this point I couldn't even raise my voice from a whisper to tell Lin it's not true, he hesitated before backhanding Andrew in the face with a resounding slap. He lost his balance and stumbled before smiling and uttering
"Writing that age long musical I thought you'd be a bit smarter than that."
"Get out of the house or next time I'll break your jaw."
"How are the kids?"
"W-What?"
"Still watching telly?"
"I swear to god if you've done anything."
"I've been up here with Jon keeping him off me, I was just checking up on your lack of parenting skills."
"Get the fuck out."
Andrew fell silent and looked me up and down, I was staring at the ground with my arms folded in front of me. Trying to make myself as small as possible. He scoffed then remarked
"Well I've done what I came to do, Lin thanks for the free entertainment. Jon, for God's sake at least try to defend yourself. Make it hard for me you know? I can't wait for when you move back in here by yourself. I'll miss ya Lin, say hi to the kids for me."
And with that he strolled past us and shortly after the front door closed. Lin checked on the kids then slowly approached me.
"Jon"
"Jon?"
"Jon!"