All The Hurt Would Go Away

Put up my guard...

It's been a week. A week since Ariella was declared missing and Andrew Rannells went to prison. And since then his maniacal laugh still haunts me each night. Lin is in robot mode - he won't say anything, won't do anything and does what he's told without any resistance. The only thing that has caused him to snap back to reality is when I arranged for Isaac to go round his grandparents house without telling Lin. It's as if he's not there, he might as well, to be truthfully honest. He has to be reminded to do everyday things, eat every meal, drink water, even shower but all he does in there is cry while the shower is turned on. I've heard him a couple times, the most concerning time being the first full day without her. He shut the door with a soft click and I decided to stay near the door in case he just walked back out again. I heard the running water and relaxed until I heard soft sniffles and sighs. That was the first time in years I'd heard Lin cry, the side of my head began to sting as I thought back to Lin crying about some lady he knew. She looked beautiful, with the halo light around her head. She looked like the kids in a way - especially Ariella. Was that Stacy? As quickly as the memory was there it was gone. I still can't remember what she looked like now, but I know the image I saw. And now I sit on the carpet next to Isaac watching him play with his toy car, Lin frantically writing in his study. Both me and the kid can hear the sound of his pen (or quill) being forced onto the paper. I've resorted to hourly check-ins because, if any shorter or longer, Lin could snap either at me or at himself. There's no way of knowing. All I can think of is how Andrew laughed when he was arrested, what psycho would laugh? The only solution I could think of is that we've made a mistake. That's the most haunting part. What if Andrew didn't even take her? What if it's someone we thought was a friend? It's like we're the chess pieces in some master game, figuring out how to outsmart the opponent all this time but who's actually moving the pieces? This entire thing is starting to take its effect: I'm always tired because of the nightmares, I am struggling to stay sane for the others and not to mention the fact that I'm putting stress on some poorly functioning part of my brain. It has to stop. I want to speed things up.
"Hello, you're speaking to the Metropolitan Prison Department."
"I would like to arrange to visit a criminal."
"Which criminal exactly?"
"Andrew Rannells. He was placed last week, on Tuesday to be exact."
"Yes, and who is this?"
"Jonathan Groff."
"Sir, we have on file that -"
"- Yes, I know. I don't need an officer to look over it, is there some sort of way you can check in without hearing the conversation?"
"Yes, what is it you are talking about?"
"I only want to know any clues, I may get nothing but if it's important I will pass the information to you."
The gentleman paused, audibly typing something in to his computer.
"What time slots are you available in?"
"This afternoon? I know it's urgent sorry."
"Is three till four alright with you?"
"Yes, thank you Sir."
The man hung up the phone and I checked the time. I'll have to leave in half an hour. Without a second thought I called Luz and asked her to supervise Lin and Isaac while I'm gone, a walk, I think I said. Within ten minutes she arrived giving me the freedom to get in an Uber and leave for impending doom.
"Bit cold out there isn't it?"
I looked to the front mirror to see the driver grinning at me.
"Yeah, I didn't really dress for it though."
"Nah, it's fashion these days, ain't your fault mate."
I amusingly nodded trying to guess where his accent comes from.
"So why do ya wanna go to jail? Some secret criminal affair?"
He waggled his eyebrows at me and I chuckled
"No, no, just asking questions to one of them."
"Hmm, you sound scared of them if ya don't mind me sayin'."
I took a deep breath. I can't look scared, otherwise they'll eat me alive in there.
"Yeah I kinda am. But I'll try not to show it."
"Better not, they ain't nice people but ya probably have figured that much out."
"Certainly."
"Right here we are then, wish ya luck."
"How much?"
"Oh none of that, I don't wanna trouble ya further."
I smiled and carefully placed a 20 dollar bill on the seat without him seeing.
"Okay then, thanks."
"No problem."
I watched the car drive away and turned to face the dilapidated prison sign. With a deep breath I briskly walked through the entrance.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes. I'm visiting Andrew Rannells."
"Ah yes, you wished to talk in private?"
I nodded
"The rooms are on the right, go down the corridor then turn left, the second room to your right will be where Andrew is."
"Right."
I headed the way the lady told me, cautious to not turn the wrong way in fear of where I may end up. It was an interrogation room by what it seemed. There was a wall of glass between me and him and the sides has separate doors to enter through. Sitting down on my seat, I looked up to see Andrew's twisted smile.
"Why hello Jon, didn't think you'd ever visit me."
"Don't humour yourself."
"Wouldn't wanna get on your bad side, oh wait, here we are."
"Tell me who took Ariella."
"There it is, always so serious. Can't you just visit to chat?"
"Who took Ariella."
"Now where's the fun in telling you that? It defeats the entire point of her going missing. Might as well hang posters up saying 'lost and found'."
"Stop evading the situation."
"Jon, you're breaking down and trying to sound strong. I can see you are. Is Lin struggling? This isn't the normal Jon."
"You wouldn't know."
"Oh I would, I've seen every single part of you. I believe that's more than others unless you are the slut I always thought you were."
I blinked. How can he say such a word so casually when it has such an impact on another person?
"You look tired too, am I in your nightmares? I am aren't I? And since you didn't defend Lin he must be failing at parenthood yet again. Shock horror."
"You gonna say something or just sit there like a robot?"
"You-You need to tell me where A-Ariella is."
He leant forward right to the glass and whispered
"No"
I gulped as he started to laugh again, the same laugh that haunts me each night. Okay, different approach.
"Do we know them?"
"You do."
"N-Not Lin?"
"Obviously. You're smarter than this Jon, your life surrounds Lin so there are very few people only you know. It's not rocket science."
My head began to sting and Andrew's expression changed.
"Hey, what's going on with your head?"
"Nothing. Not like you'd care."
"Jon, I have the power to make whatever it is far worse with my voice alone. Tell me what it is."
Another wave of pain hit
"I-It's nothing. Drop it."
"Jon, I may be behind glass but it does not limit me at all. I've managed through a phone call before, if anything it's better cause I can see you."
"I'm not going to - tell you so just - drop it."
I kept cringing at the pain and Andrew smirked
"So this is why little Jonny is so wound up. Got a little headache huh?"
"You don't know shit."
"Maybe cause you won't tell me. Fucking dumbass prick."
My eyes darted to his in shock and he laughed
"You heard. Now you can either call this off or keep trying to get me to talk, we've got 40 minutes still."
"Right, if makes you feel any better you're a sick fuck. Tell me where Ariella is or -"
I paused and watched Andrew once again lean up to the glass with a smirk plastered on his face before he uttered the two words I didn't want to hear.
"Or. What."
"Tell me where she is."
"No please! It was really getting juicy. What are you going to do to me Jon? With this piece of glass between us, are you gonna trigger a flashback? Nope, you can't. Are you gonna punch me? Nope you can't, it wouldn't even hurt if you did. Last but not least, are you gonna cause me to forget a grand couple of years from my life? Nope, you can't even fucking do that. You're at a loss Jon. A big one. So unless you have this mastermind plan, which you so clearly don't, I have every reason to believe you wasted your time coming."
I wanted to have some amazing comeback, I really did. I wanted to say he would rot in prison or he would never get to live the same life again. I wanted to mentally ruin him for all the stuff he did to me. But after that, his perfectly structured massacre of any confidence I used to have, I had no chance. I was running out of time and I was desperate. So instead of all these strong defence mechanisms I could've used, my strength ruptured and all that could be heard was my feeble attempt of asking one more time.
"please."
He laughed, louder than before, louder than the haunting laugh that used to resonate in my ears. But the worst thing for my confidence was that twisted devil was laughing at me. He destroyed my spirit and laughed at what remained while I waited it out.
"Is that all you got? This courageous gent walks in and hasn't even lasted half an hour. Typical fucking prick. I'm never gonna squeal who stole that kid, you had one clue and that's all you're getting, especially with your nerve to come visit. Let's drill it into your thick head. I. Ruined. Your. Life. Why don't you take the hint and quit running back to me? At first it was kinda funny to play with your emotions but seriously stop being a needy little whore and find someone else. Unless you want me to break you down till you're just begging for mercy. That's all you ever will be. Take a look at your fucking arms if you don't believe me, but wait, of course you fucking believe me - you still believe everything I say don't you? That's why you're crying now isn't it? Dirty slut."
"S-Stop."
"Since when are you giving orders? You're probably the most invalid freak I'm unlucky enough to know. Go and run home to your broken family. Oh wait. They're not even related to you, but like the clingy fuck you are you're living with them. Grow a pair."
I tried to take deep breaths as he took me apart bit by bit.
"Where is she?"
"Do you really care?"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Did you come to find out about Ariella or did you come to visit me?"
"Ariella."
"Or do you know I played no part in taking her but I know who did?"
Bingo. He must've been able to tell by my face I suspected that.
"How cute. How long did it take you to gather your senses?"
"When you were arrested..."
"That quick huh? Did the laugh give it away?"
I shuddered. Bad move.
"So that's why you can't sleep. Hmm. Interesting."
He leant back in his chair, bemused by what he figured out. How come I'm the one who's free but he's in control?
"So... you aren't here for immediate information. You want to team up don't you?"
He sighed. I hadn't even thought that far yet but of course he had in the space of a few seconds
"Y-Yes?"
It was more of a question than a confirmation but it had to do. For the third time, Andrew leant towards the glass again causing me to move away. I know he can't get through but, he still gets to me sometimes, well, a lot really. In a lower voice and darker tone he stated
"You know how dangerous this is for you."
Cautiously I replied
"Y-Yes. If you agree of course."
He smirked at my quick explanation.
"If I agree, yes. The question is if you really want this? You'll be in my territory and, with your fragile state, I don't think you'll be able to forget what you see. You're forfeiting a lot here for a little toddler. Who's life do you care about more?"
"I want this. I care about her. I don't mind the risk."
"The risk isn't the half of it."
He muttered under his breath - what does that mean?
"I'm up for it. But it means more prison visits unless you're planning on freeing me?"
I shook my head
"Sorry. No. Not after this."
"Didn't think so. Keep it weekly, but we're gonna have to increase it soon. Oh, and don't tell our Lin friend okay? Let him worry about one person only."
"Wha-What did you mean by me being in your territory?"
"Every agreement goes both ways. I'm not letting you go free of course. I'm doing stuff for you, I expect stuff in return."
"What kind of stuff?"
"You'll see. But if you agree now there's no turning back when I ask for my part of the deal. As I said, who's life matters more?"
"I'll do it. Next week Sunday at three."
Although I was experiencing a cold sweat, Andrew appeared completely relaxed and amused by my inner turmoil. I got the nerve to look at him and he smiled, not in a twisted way, but just a normal smile. And I think that was the most chilling part of the visit. The alarm thingy rang and I watched the prison guards take him away, all the while he held that hint of a smile looking straight forward. Shaking the tension off I signed out and left the building, sure enough the same Uber driver was waiting.
"How was it?"
"Fine."
He seemed to take the hint and stayed silent for the rest of the journey home, as he parked he commented.
"Be careful, okay?"
"Y-Yeah I will."
I didn't leave money since he hadn't noticed the 20 dollar bill yet. As I walked up the drive I heard his words repeat in my mind
"You know how dangerous this is for you."
"You'll be in my territory."
"I don't think you'll be able to forget what you see."
"There's no turning back."
I was met with smiling faces as I walked in the house, I tried to reciprocate the greeting but it felt forced. I quickly pulled Luz aside
"Hey, can you stay the night? I need to sleep at my own home."
"Is everything okay?"
"It's fine. Can you stay the night?"
"Well, yes, but -"
"- Thanks."
I left and walked to my house, it was starting to get dark for the sunset but I had no care to watch it. All I could think about was the pit of dread I felt. The resounding statement that I am in more danger than I could possibly imagine.

AN: Extra long chapter cause we're at the big ol'chapter 50! Thanks everyone for reading and more chapters are on the way!!!! Love ya :)