All The Hurt Would Go Away

I'm still standing here...

"Jonathan, you're here again?"
I meekly nodded and Andrew sighed letting me in
"So what brings you here?"
"I-I left for no reason, I wanted to talk again."
"Hmm, Jon it's nine o'clock. How on earth did you get Lin to agree to seeing me at this time?"
"My mother told him to pick me up and take me"
"And he agreed?"
"I wouldn't be here otherwise."
He nodded, seemingly satisfied by my response
"Well sit down, I'll just, uh, sort myself out"
I nodded hesitantly and left to the living room to take a seat. What did he mean by that? I waited five minutes then eventually gave up and moved to the kitchen where he was, with the door closed I heard his voice on the phone in harsh whispers.
"You know I'm worse at night - how was I supposed to know? - I can't just kick him out - this is why I'm going can't you see? - we could've easily talked about this tomorrow morning so why did you drop him off? Are you trying to spite me?"
He was on the phone to Lin? I heard him curse as he put the phone down and I tip toe ran to the couch. Yet to see a disheveled Andrew following later
"Listen, Jon, I'm really tired, are you sure this can't be moved to tomorrow morning?"
"No"
I hesitated, what am I doing?
"I might not be brave enough tomorrow so I have to talk to you now."
He took a deep breath and grabbed a chair before replying 'okay' I noted the fact there was lots of room next to me on the couch.
"So, what's this about? Well I know what you're gonna talk about but where do you wanna start?"
"Is it because of me?"
"What?"
"Well you said that what I told you kinda sealed your judgement of what to do and you probably want to get away from me because I'm damaged and all but I just want you to say whether it is or not and don't bother being nice I just need a straight answer from you then I'll leave you alone for good and stop being a patsy so just say it."
I took a deep breath in and turned to see Andrew tensely staring at the ground
"I thought I told you to not use that word"
"W-What?"
"What you called yourself, we already had that discussion."
"But Andrew -"
"- Don't. That's all."
I fell silent and took a shaky breath in
"Jon, I didn't mean, fuck, I love you I really do but just, it's getting harder you know. I've really tried and I'm struggling to hold it all back, I-I'm so sorry Jon."
"What do you mean?"
I turned to look at him, I had tears in my eyes after his cold dismissal. He tensed in his seat then looked away
"Jon, it's been so long since that night, neither of us have changed too much and the whole thing is going to repeat if you don't leave now."
"After all that about the word patsy and here we are."
I replied in a somber tone pleading with my eyes for him to say he's kidding but he just tensed more
"I told you not to use that fucking word Jonathan, and if you don't get the fuck out right now I'll teach you a lesson about it"
He ordered, I sensed the danger and moved to leave the house but he grabbed my arm
"You're going slow on purpose aren't you?"
"N-No"
A twisted smile grew on his lips as my eyes widened in remembrance, the entire night crashed back to me, the tears and screams, the hospital visits to follow after all that up until now.
"Come on, you've been missing me as much as I have missed you, I can tell baby."
"NO!"
I screamed yanking my arm from his hand and running out the door, thankfully I thought it'd be a quick conversation so I had my shoes on still. I heard footsteps behind me and frantically got my phone out of my pocket to call Lin.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?"
I panted
"Holy shit I'm in the car now just stay safe okay?"
I ended the call and hid as I watched Andrew retreat back to his house. I texted Lin roughly where I was and his car approached.
"What happened?"
"Drive."
Once we were a fair distance away he parked the car in some car park and turned to me
"Are you okay?"
That one question that juxtaposes itself, a grown adult can be absolutely fine but can be driven to tears from that question alone. I took a shaky breath to limit the tears and softly said
"I remember it all."
"What?"
"He grabbed my arm - it all - it all came back at once and I had to get out."
"Did he, well, did he have that intention?"
"Yes"
I scarcely whispered, Lin's hand rose to his face as he bit his knuckle looking out of the window. I could tell he was blinking back tears but I wouldn't address it unless I had to.
"I'm so sorry Jon, let-let's go home."
He wiped his eyes and started to drive, we were only a few minutes away so we arrived at his quickly.
"Here's the keys, I'm just gonna stay in the car for a bit."
I nodded taking the keys and letting myself in, the kids ran to the door, their babysitter rolling her eyes. I briefly gave her some cash so she cleared off since it was one less thing that Lin would have to bother about.
"Hey kids! Did you behave?"
Isaac nodded eagerly meanwhile Ariella was giving him a weird look. Ah. That says it all.
"Lin's outside sorting something out, I'm sure it's past your bedtime though?"
They protested and I sighed picking them both up and carrying them upstairs, after a while the house was silent so I went outside to check on Lin. There was no car in the driveway.