All The Hurt Would Go Away

And a song someone sings...

My father was taking me fishing today, he promised a month ago that on my 11th birthday he would take me and here we are. Jumping into the car I gathered all the stuff we'd need and the engine started to run.
"I spy with my little eye something outside the car beginning with p"
"Paint?"
"Nope"
"Petunias?"
"What are they?"
He laughed continuing to guess.
"Plane?"
"Yay!!"
He laughed pulling in to the car park and jogged over to open up the boot.
"Are you squeamish?"
"Nope."
I replied popping the p.
"Good."
He handed me a box of maggots and I watched them curiously. They were so tiny!
"Ready?"
"Ready."
We sat by the river with our fishing lines, as he taught me how to put the bait on the hook and then we reeled them out to the water.
"I'd rather be sailing, yes I would. On an open sea, I'd stand at the railing, if I could, feeling wild and free. The sun is on my neck, the wind is in my hair, the waters incredibly blue and I'd rather be sailing yes I'd wanna go sail and then come home to -"
"Dad!"
He looked over at me, pulling against something and reeled it in.
"Your first fish! I'm proud of you, ya brave young man."
"Are we going to put it back?"
My father laughed loudly
"Of course! Gotta be nice to the fishes"

The memory faded away as my father freed the fish I caught, I looked around now at home.

"Mum what's going on?"
She didn't even turn to face me, but continued crying.
"Mum?"
I rushed to hug her still confused,
"Mum where's dad?"
"W-Where's -"
A tear fell down my cheek as I suddenly realised why she was crying. She handed me a note where all I read was MIA. It felt like the breath just got knocked out of my chest, my mother held her arms open as I fell into her crying all the same.
"Y-Your father, he was a good man Jonny, he fought and i-if he's still alive we're going to be brave for him. He's always gonna be there for us yeah?"
I nodded in her arms as we stayed holding each other for fear of the now cracked foundation of our family.

"We need more blood"
"Hurry!"
"His heart rate is speeding up"
"We're running out of time!"

"Mum?"
"I need to tell you something Jon."
"Well what is it? I mean I've got to leave for school in 5 so."
"You're not going to school today."
"Hmm?"
"They found your father."
"They did! T-That's great! When can I see him?"
"H-He didn't make it."
"What?"
"At least w-we can have a proper funeral for him, th-they found his body yesterday. It's better than if he were never found."
I nodded silently.
"Are you okay Jon?"
"I need to be alone today. Is that alright?"
She nodded and I left the room.

"He's starting to calm down"
"All we can do is wait."
"Can the visitor come in? He's been waiting all day."
"Let him in."

"Jon? I don't know if you can actually hear me but I'm so sorry. I should've been there to stop this from happening. The sole reason for the headphones was to block him out so I guess I let him win again and that was stupid of me. Please don't let go. I can't have two people leave me, Jesus Stacy was enough. You're so strong to have survived this and it's not the end. You're gonna get past this and uh you'll get better friends and a new group of people to surround yourself with. You won't have me. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone, not even the kids. You're so much stronger than you think, I know he loves to beat you down but think, you could've given up that night. You could've given up at court. You could've given up when you saw him at Falsettos but you kept pushing back. Please Jon. Don't fucking do this. I can't picture my life without you, I know it sounds messed up but you are my soul support for just about everything. If you weren't there. Well, I wouldn't have survived my overdose. You called me about Stacy, you called my parents when you found me. I'm so grateful to you I can't let you die. Not like this, please. Jon you are so much stronger than this and you know it. Please come back to me."
"He'll be okay."
"W-When will he wake up?"
"Hopefully within a week if he does, if not we'll... figure something out."
"Will he be okay?"
"I think you should rest now sir, it's been a long day."
"P-Please take care of him."
"We will."

Everything was white around me, I turned to see my father sitting on the floor, two fishing rods in his hands.
"Dad!"
"Hello son!"
He chuckled to himself hugging me tightly.
"I thought you - you -"
"Died? I don't know whether I'm dead or alive right now. Wanna fish?"
I nodded eagerly catching the fishing rod he threw my way and sat beside him.
"Do you remember your first fish?"
"I was 11, I could never forget it dad."
He smiled my way reeling one in.
"My you've grown up fast, you were just a young man last time I saw you."
"You haven't aged a bit."
He laughed loudly, I forgot that laugh. It warmed my heart to hear.
"I guess I haven't, hey look at that!"
I quickly reeled it in grabbing the fish.
"Nice catch! I've only caught that type once in my lifetime!"
I smiled painfully, does he know he's dead? He remained smiling at me as I slowly let the fish swim away.
"You could fish here with me for the rest of your life son."
I turned my head to look at him as he smiled warmly.
"I know you miss me and I miss everyone at home, you, your mother, our house. But you don't need to say goodbye yet do you? Your friend, Lin, he misses you right now. You've survived a greater deal than what you're up against. Remember that son."
He started to fade as he waved goodbye.
"I love you Jonny, I always will."
"I love you too... dad"