All The Hurt Would Go Away

Too good to lose...

My cuts weren't bandaged up because of the water so I took this time to fully examine them, and, I noticed what the fuss was about. They looked like one more accident and I'd have scars for the rest of my life. I ran my finger lightly on top of the scabs feeling the rough skin as I fought the urge to pick at it. The water began to get cold so I got changed into Lin's spare clothes he left for me. Towel drying my hair quickly I opened the bathroom door to see the crutches just outside, it was touching to know he wasn't mad enough to make me struggle down the stairs with no support. Eventually I got to the office where I heard Lin muttering a string of curse words with my ear pressed to the door, I knocked and he fell silent. Before I could ask why he wanted to censor his speech the door opened and he assisted me to sit down.
"So?"
He gestured to a cup of water, straw and a throat lozenge then at me. I warily looked around to see three more bottles of water within reaching distance, he really thought about this. I attempted to clear my throat and winced painfully reaching for the water. Almost finishing half the cup I began,
"I-I'm sorry."
"That apology would be even better if I knew what it was for. Is it not telling me what caused your fit yesterday or what caused you to randomly leave today?"
Oh. I forgot about that. He must have read this on my face as he continued.
"Yeah, we've got a lot of catching up to do. It seems when I'm not here I don't seem to find out what happened. My only way of knowing you're okay is if I'm with you 24/7."
I looked at what he'd been writing before I walked in and immediately he flipped the notepad over.
"Do you want me to start with what happened yesterday?"
My voice was quiet and weak but it'd have to do. He nodded and I took a deep breath, he wouldn't like this. For my protection one day, I installed an app that recorded all my phone calls on both sides of the conversation. Since I couldn't word it I simply went on the app and pressed play. I tried to get up to walk out the room but Lin pulled me back down eyeing me.
"What was the flashback of Jon?"
I began trembling as Lin reached over to hold my hands, I didn't want to hear any more, it was too much. I tried to pull my hands away but he held tight trying to get me to look into his eyes as the call continued playing.
"What was the flashback of Jon?"
I started wrestling against Lin's hold my legs kicking against the seat as I frantically pulled my arms away. I tried moving my head from side to side trying to shake his voice out of my ears. The crutches fell to the ground as I kept kicking and shouting over the call. I was crying in frustration as Lin remained silent holding onto my hands no matter what I did.
"What was the flashback of Jon?"
I tried to stand up and walk away but my legs gave out beneath me, Lin couldn't catch me in time as I fell to the floor and he let go of my hands. I fell on top of the crutches and my back caused me to scream in agony then groan as my throat hurt from it. I feebly used my legs to push me as far away from Lin as possible as he watched me unsure whether to comfort me or stay back. As the last few words on the recording played I frantically scratched at my cuts, Lin noticed as soon as one started bleeding and rushed towards me holding my arm back, I writhed against him as he muttered a 'sorry' under his breath and pressed his finger into the cut that was bleeding, my eyes widened as I screamed in pain but he didn't stop. Darkness clouded my vision and the last thing I saw was him looking me in the eyes.
I woke up on the lounge sofa with my cuts bandaged up again and looking at the clock it had been two hours. My throat hurt badly and I reached to the pop up table beside me which had paracetamol, a throat lozenge, and a cup of water with a straw from which I had a drink out of. Lin walked in the room shortly after and I almost choked on my drink, how could he do that to me?
"Glad to see you're back."
I glared at him and he sighed.
"I know that was a dick move but the next cut down your arm is the closest and deepest one into a vein. One more scratch and -"
He looked down unable to finish the sentence and I nodded silently.
"I couldn't of stopped you otherwise, I-I hated seeing you in that much pain. And I really am-"
"I un-derstand"
I coughed lightly and smiled, he smiled back nodding his head.
"I've fixed it up though, you'll be fine. Can I ask questions about that call or is it too soon?"
I gestured for him to go ahead.
"I never actually found out what the flashbacks were, in fact you never told me exactly what he did. I know it's personal and that's okay. But why was this one so horrific that it triggered you so badly?"
"I-It was whe-n he left me."
"What, after it happened? You were alone?"
I nodded.
"Holy shit. He just walked out of the room?"
I shook my head.
"The house?"
I stayed silent confirming it.
"Fucking hell, I thought, well, I don't know what I thought really. Is it okay if I play it again? With headphones."
I nodded and he left to go to his office, it seemed he meant more than once so I watched a recording of the Ellen show on his TV; surprise surprise, it was when he guest starred. I still watched it until I heard Lin's voice.
"Dinners ready in the kitchen."
I didn't even know he left the office to cook it, he helped me get up anyways and I sat down at the dining table ready to eat.
"I think I've figured it out."
I raised an eyebrow for him to go on.
"Did he make you relive the last flashback you had? To persuade you to realise he's the good person even though he isn't?"
"How did you figure a-all that out?"
"Well I know you were home alone, I heard you scratching which I'm guessing is something that happened but I don't want to get into that, and I heard you fall to the floor. It sounded like you were basically reliving what happened but by yourself."
I nodded to show all he deduced was true.
"One more question, why was it so bad for him to call you Jon? I call you Jon, it's not offensive is it?"
"Th-e fact you call me Jon is what I'm comfortable with. Friends call me it. When he called me Jon and he wasn't a friend I told him not to but then he kept saying it making me feel like he also took that away from me."
A lone tear escaped down my cheek but I quickly brushed it aside, Lin noticed though and sighed.
"D-Do you love him?"
Another tear slipped down my face, and another, and another as I tried not to break down in front of him. Unable to hold it in I started to sob with my head in my hands, Lin moved to comfort me but it just made me feel more weak, feeble, alone.
"I-I do. I really do."