All The Hurt Would Go Away

I'm sure I'll forgive you and soon...

"Please leave a message after the tone"
"Lin, I know I'm a shitty person. You shouldn't be alone right now. I know what you're like in these situations and I'm scared for you and Isaac. I'll walk if you want just, at least say I can come over? I don't want to surprise you since that won't help at all. Just, please pick up the phone."
I hung up sighing to myself, maybe if I he listens to that one he'll reply. If he hasn't already listened to the many voicemails I left earlier. Giving up, I put on my coat and trudged through the rain with my phone ready in my pocket in case. Yes, Lin might get mad at my random presence. Yes, his phone might've died. Yes, he's too busy concentrating on his one twin and calming the kid down. But I know him. He's overdosed, he's locked himself inside the study countless times and he's put himself in danger for others without second thought for the risk. He might've learnt from this, or he might go back to his old ways. Keep 'em guessing. That's Lin's slogan. My phone pinged as I quickly checked
Lin:
Walk over. I'm not
leaving Isaac.
Relieved, I ran for the rest of the journey and delivered three short taps on his front door. Lin answered, not showing any signs of gratitude for me helping him out but simply gestured for me to come in. By the time I'd removed my coat and shoes, Lin was flicking across the channels of the TV with Isaac playing on the floor. Lin's phone was right next to him. Hmm. After a longer silence I spoke up.
"Lin I'm sorry."
He remained silent
"I shouldn't have said all the stuff I did and most of it I didn't even mean. I understand I should stay out now since otherwise I'll never move out again but, I'm still here to talk. Even if I'm down a couple streets in my own house. I am truly sorry it was just some sorta toxic word vomit and you shouldn't focus on anything I said and use it to bring yourself down. You're strong, stronger than me - I'm not that strong at all."
I paused looking down trying to calm my emotions, when I looked back up Lin was looking back at me in confusion.
"You said you're not strong at all. Why?"
"Well I've been so selfish about what he did to me but you've been the worst affected and I barely payed attention. And you barely showed it."
"Jon, sure people I know have been affected. But even you said earlier, I haven't, I'm the 'star' of this sick show. I can't imagine what any of you three saw or experienced. I just know it was horrible. So tell me again how 'weak' you are and how 'strong' I am."
"Let's just leave it. Are we good?"
"I guess, I don't think what you said was word vomit though. You had a fair point."
"Lin I -"
"- For a start, you basically sussed out Andrew Rannells and his sick idea. We still need to figure out what led him to target me but he's in prison anyway. And you also gave both of us a reality check - you moved out and you told me to be careful with who I put in harms' way."
"Lin I didn't mean -"
"- Don't."
I leant back on the couch in exasperation. Then I remembered the pain in my head yesterday.
"Lin?"
"What now?"
"Yesterday, when I was in the field, I was trying to remember all the places me and Andrew went incase he was doing some twisted replay."
"And?"
"I got to the clothing shop and hospital, then I struggled. Aren't those the two places that you told me?"
"You can't remember that part and I don't know where else you two went since I wasn't involved."
"Yes but when I couldn't remember, it wasn't just blank. I just got this massive headache every time I tried to focus on that memory."
"Whereabouts?"
I touched the left side of my head just above my face and Lin started to look worried.
"What's wrong?"
"There's something they told me about parts of the brain I had to remember incase you reacted badly. That's one, I can't remember why though."
"Should I go to hospital or?"
"All three of us are going."
He declared as he picked up Isaac and started to get him ready for the rainy weather, we were going by car, but Lin doesn't want his kid to 'catch a cold'. Once we arrived, Lin rushed to the reception and quietly muttered the issue at hand. I could only guess since I was sitting down with Isaac, but I was hurriedly taken away.
"Jon? Please tell us where it hurt?"
"Around here..."
I touched the same place. The doctor turned to Lin and quietly murmured more medical stuff. I simply lay on the bed hoping Lin would explain later, we left with more medicine and a weary-eyed driver. Once we were at Lin's, without hesitation Isaac made his way up to bed and I turned to Lin.
"So?"
He sighed
"They said it's your Amygdala, it's the emotional memory storage spot next to the significant memory one. I forgot what it's called. But uh, apparently you were putting a strain on both and it caused pain like that? I'm not sure. But you've got a pill every two days so it doesn't seem that bad."
"I'm learning more about my brain now then I ever did in biology."
Lin rolled his eyes chuckling to himself as I realised the time.
"I should probably start to walk back."
"Jon it's 9pm in the winter. It's pitch black."
"I'll call an Uber?"
"Just take the guest bedroom. You'll fit something in my wardrobe tomorrow I dunno what. Besides, we are lacking in numbers."
He tried to joke but his solemn smile following it gave away how much he truly misses little Ariella, how much I miss her too. As the first day without her grew to dusk, I sent a silent prayer asking for her to be well and untouched. But watching Lin drift into his bedroom, maybe he was secretly in a worse state than everyone combined.