All The Hurt Would Go Away

Everything will be alright...

"You, why are you here."
I spat out at him, he didn't seem to take offence in any way shape or form.
"I wanted to see how you've been doing, remember me from hospital?"
"You have no idea what you were doing inside my head. I almost died because I was trying to be your friend."
"That was inside your head though?"
"So what."
"How about real life? Do you remember ever talking to me? Laughing with me? How I looked after you when we first met?"
"No. I don't remember a thing thanks to you. So fat chance making me like you again."
"So you liked me? Do you remember that?"
I rolled my eyes as he moved from the doorway and sat next to me on the couch, I immediately moved as far away from him I could. The question hung in the air and I was unsure of the answer myself. Lin told me I liked him at the time but I don't remember liking or hating him at any given point so how am I to be sure of anything?
"Jon, the question still stands?"
"No. I don't remember. I'm surprised you've forgotten that I have no memory, quite ironic."
I snapped as he laughed. Jeez what does it take to get him to leave?
"So, you only remember what people say. And you trust Lin, who you never thought of while in a coma, and you do not trust me, who never seemed to leave your head. That's quite ironic too."
Well someone's thought about this clearly. I didn't know how to reply
"I, trust, Lin?"
"Why."
"Ugh I don't know alright? It's only been two days since I was told all this so give it a break!"
I huffed out. He went silent and looked at me, his eyes softening.
"So fragile..."
"What?"
"You. It's a new mind fresh from nowhere, temporary lapse to fill in and being swarmed with all these facts about yourself which you feel you should know. Somewhat adorable to some."
I fell silent, is he flirting now? He allegedly raped me, or did he? I looked at him and slightly smiled to which he smiled back. A red light was flickering behind him which I quickly recognised as the baby monitor. The other monitor has always been in Lin's study so he can look after the kids while he's working, but the kids aren't here... If the one in here is on... My face lit up.
"Just remembered something?"
"No, just happy thoughts. Anyway, uh, I don't know what to say. I can't see a reason for me being adorable, ever, but umm, thanks?"
"You're welcome"
He laughed quietly and held my hand. I knew Lin can hear this but can't see it so I had to tell him somehow.
"Sorry my hands are a bit clammy."
"It's fine, I get nervous around you too."
He moved closer as I gasped under my breath. This was going way too quickly for me to keep up.
"I, I, sorry"
"What is it?"
"This is going way too fast, and, I"
"First slow down your speech then I'll slow down."
He laughed as I blushed and tried to hide my face.
"Wait a second, is Jonathan Groff blushing?"
He mock gasped as I blushed more, where the hell is Lin?
"Don't worry, I won't tell Lin our little secret. Now I know you still love me that's all I could ever wish for."
He kissed me on the back of my hand and stood up. I thought he was leaving so I politely smiled at him saying 'goodbye'. Immediately after he leaned over me in the couch with his hands either side of my head and growled
"Oh I'm sure you don't want me to go do you hot stuff? Lin will be in his study long after we're done."
"I, I-"
"Oh don't worry, I'll make sure this will feel good. You won't be able to walk for weeks."
The door opened quickly, hitting against the wall as I looked over and saw Lin with his eyes fixated on Andrew.
"Think it's time to leave Andy, he already can't walk for heaven's sake."
"I'm sorry, we were having a conversation? If you don't mind, return to your study so we could have privacy?"
Lin rolled his eyes and laughed
"Assholes like you do make me laugh. Why don't you take the hint and piss off? Considering you've been smart enough to hack your way through law suits it is surprising how oblivious you are."
Lin folded his arms looking Andrew up and down. Although shorter, Lin can easily outwit Andrew without a doubt.
"Fine. I'll leave. But you do know -"
"The famous panto phrase? Yeah, you and your 'I'll be back' is getting old don't ya think?"
He stormed out of the room brushing past Lin, although it was a violent push, Lin immediately gained his footing and shouted
"Oh, feel free to slam the door!"
And, as proposed, he did to our amusement. As soon as he left, Lin rushed over to me.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, nothing happened. Smart move with the baby monitors though."
"You liked it? I don't think he noticed so I might use that trick again if he decides to pay us a visit."
"Is that why you -?"
"- yeah I had to let him in to try it out. I didn't have headphones on anyway so I would've stopped him."
"Thanks."
"No problem. It's kinda fun to be a spy."
I rolled my eyes and he laughed for a while before falling silent.
"Do you love him Jon?"
I broke off eye contact
"It's fine if you do I'll find a way but I just need to know before it gets out of hand because on the audio it sounded like it and in the past you've said you have and I know people can fall out of love so I wanted to check and I'll support you either way so -"
"- Stop. No need to ramble anymore."
Lin laughed nervously.
"Well..."
I took a deep breath
"I can't imagine myself with anyone else. But, I hate him too. It's like I'm pulled to him."
I regretted to say the next words that came out of my mouth but I hated the hit of realisation more.
"I - I love him."
Lin slowly nodded his head coming to terms with it.
"Okay"
We both fell silent before I replied
"Okay"
Lin interrupted me with a hug as I broke into tears.
"I'm so sorry Lin, I'm so sorry."
"You can't help it, I'll help you through this though alright?"
The question remained isolated in the air. Will this whirlwind of bad luck ever turn out to be alright? Or am I just a few steps away from losing it all?