All The Hurt Would Go Away

Time and Music...

Lin remained silent just causing my agitation to grow. I've never been that patient and don't plan to be now. I just escaped a possible rapist for god's sake. I deserve to know the truth and I don't care whether it's thought out or not, Lin needs to hurry up.
"How much did the article tell you?"
Starting with a question - original.
"Just that he raped me."
I gave a blunt reply as Lin got the hint and began to start finally.
"Okay. There's a lot to say then."
I mentally prepared myself, I don't want to freak out and leave without knowing everything. I need to know the whole story from start to finish. I don't want to ever be vulnerable again.
"Do you remember Stacy?"
I slowly shook my head and felt bad when tears gathered in Lin's eyes as he looked up at me. He blinked them away rapidly and began to speak quietly.
"Stacy was, she was the love of my life. Mother of the kids, Ariella and Isaac, but, well, she has taken off too soon leaving me alone."
His voice cracked - why did I force him to tell me that? I shouldn't of been so forceful on knowing the whole topic. Stupid.
"I'm sorry,"
He blinked away the tears and continued, brushing aside my apologies.
"When I was in such a fragile mental state you helped me, and while buying the kids funeral clothes for Stacy's death, you met Andy."
So he told the truth about how we met. Hmm.
"You got his number and went home and that was that. However you kept talking and at one point I overdosed and you didn't visit me initially because you were with him. We argued when I first met him since it was the first time you visited me and you brought a random guy with you. You got upset so then went to live with Andy."
"I just went to live with a guy I just met because of an argument?"
He paused
"You were younger then."
"Not much younger."
I didn't allow him to even finish his comment before I interrupted him. Why was I so stupid?
"Anyway, I wasn't there obviously so I don't know how exactly you were raped but you came to me in refuge so I know it was physical. You were bruised and couldn't walk and you had cuts down your arms, caused by Andy."
"S-So he did. Rape me I mean."
"Yes."
"I ran away again for the guy who raped me."
"You didn't know."
My thoughts were whirring in my head
"WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?!"
"Calm down, I didn't know you left. And Andy blocked my phone so I couldn't contact you. I just had to hope."
I sighed, I didn't realise Lin couldn't contact me.
"Sorry, what happened after?"
"Well you were fragile at first then seemed to get your life back on track over the next three years but you wouldn't date anyone. Lack of trust."
I nodded to myself
"Three years later though,"
He sighed
"Andy had done his time and got back into acting and, your mother mistakenly took you to the very show he performed in. At first you were friendly until he took you on a date with... forthcoming intentions and you suffered a strong flashback. You were diagnosed with PTSD."
Doesn't that only happen to soldiers though? Whatever Andrew did to me that night was that horrific? I need to know how badly it affected me.
"How bad was it?"
"Pretty bad, you were coma induced and would scratch your arms like he did, to the point you were almost suicidal, and nothing could stop you once you started to do so. When you did wake up you still suffered the flashbacks from what he did. You only told me what one of them was."
He knows a part of what happened?
"T-Tell me."
My voice cracked, just a small clue to the turmoil I am facing in my head right now.
"Are you sure? This might be too much."
I gestured for him to go ahead as he pointedly sighed to himself and took a deep breath in.
"As soon as he was finished with you, he left the house. As in, he left you on the bed and walked out. No goodbye nothing, leaving you to get a taxi and leave that goddamn place."
Just shows what an asshole he was. Not only was what he did to me enough, he had the nerve to just leave me there.
"Bastard."
Lin chuckled, but without the amusement you'd assume. It was a cold laugh, full of scorn.
"Total package."
It was silent as I thought over what I'd been told.
"So do I still have PTSD?"
He hesitated.
"Well, you might, but since I had to fill you in, I doubt it. Unless somewhere you kept what he did in your head."
I looked back over all I could remember, it was fragmented but there was still a lot.
"I remember everything up to when I got into Hamilton."
He looked at me in shock.
"You don't remember performing? Backstage? Ham4Ham?"
I blinked trying to remember the smallest thing from those words but was met with nothingness.
"No"
I heard Lin muttering to himself
"I fucking hate Andy. Every single day."
I tried to agree with him
"I, still can't."
"What?"
"I know he did all that terrible stuff but, I guess cause I don't remember it I can't imagine it in my head. So it just stays a fact, not a memory. It probably doesn't make sense."
There was a long pause as I felt stupid for just pouring out all my thoughts onto Lin, for god's sake he just helped me gather information so I just recite how I feel to him? That's not what he's here for. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
"No it does. I understand that, besides it's about time we went to bed. You've got to sleep on this. If you want we can talk about Hamilton tomorrow on a lighter note."
The voice in my head fell silent as I warmly smiled at my friend beside me.
"I'd like that."