All The Hurt Would Go Away

I'll think about it maybe...

"Jon? Jon get up. Jon wake up!"
I was awoken by water being poured on my head, causing me to choke and try to catch my breath. Andrew just watched amusedly.
"Try not to fall asleep during the day, that's the reason they created night."
"Right, sorry Sir."
He looked behind me at the now drenched couch.
"Well, that's not gonna dry itself. My hairdryer is in our room, cupboard next to the door."
"But Sir I didn't -"
"- If you hadn't decided to go snooze on my couch, I wouldn't have had to wake you up. Now go fix what you've done and stop being a bitch about it."
I lowered my head feeling his glare, muttering a 'yes sir'. I walked out of the room and upstairs shortly returning with the hairdryer. To my complete joy, Andrew was still there, and by the looks of it he was planning to watch.
"Go on then. You'll need a cloth too, I'll get you one."
He entered the room again with a blue cloth and threw it at me.
"That should help, try not to fall asleep on my couch again. You fell asleep so quickly last night I'm actually surprised you are still tired, you won't be getting that much sleep again while you're here. When you're done come to my study."
"Yes Sir."
It took a decent twenty minutes to get the couch completely dry, it could've easily dried at room temperature but I guess Andrew didn't want to wait that long. When I was finished I put the hairdryer back in Andrew's room then the cloth on the desk beside the couch, I hate it when he calls his room 'our room'. Sure, I've got my stuff in it, but there is nothing cutesy about our relationship that would lead us to sharing a room, in another situation. With a deep breath, I picked myself up then went to Andrew's study to see what he wanted.
"Yes?"
"You wanted me to see you Sir."
"Ah, I wanted to tell you what was happening both tonight and tomorrow. I don't want everyday to just be us working, I want to have fun too. So, if you'll allow me, I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight and tomorrow you can pick an activity for us to do. Whether it be rock climbing or snorkelling I'm open to anything."
"Well Sir I -"
"- And you can cut out the 'sir', I just needed you to remember I was in control but you've learnt that."
"Well, Andrew, I wasn't expecting this"
I let out a nervous laugh and he smiled back at me warmly. This is a pleasant surprise to tell the truth, whether it be true or not at least Andrew is being nice.
"So? May I take you out to dinner tonight Jon?"
"You may."
I said in my King George III voice and he laughed.
"I missed this, just us hanging out. That's what I was thinking about in this study, how to get it back to how it was without being sketchy."
"It's still kinda sketchy though."
He laughed nodding his head, this was a completely different Andrew.
"Okay, so say we leave in 15 then we can go to the park and get some dinner yeah?"
"Yep."
I replied and rushed upstairs to get ready. I heard Andrew's soft chuckle behind me at my eagerness but at this point in time anything he says or does that's polite is a miracle. I returned downstairs seemingly happy with my outfit choice and looked up to see Andrew laughing to himself.
"Am I too dressed up?"
"No no, it's just with your obsession with suits and all: you may have forgotten to tie your tie."
I looked down and, sure enough, he was correct. Even though I have never done that before in my lifetime, sure maybe as a kid but usually when it comes to suits I'm ready and dressed in a couple minutes max.
"So are you gonna do it up or are you waiting for me to?"
I looked at Andrew and raised an eyebrow suggestively to his amusement, unexpectedly he obliged and fixed my tie. But with the length of the garment that did mean he was uncomfortably close, and he revelled in it making sure to take his time pretending not to notice my awkwardness. Once he was finished I exhaled in relief and he looked up at me but did not move away, my breath hitched as our lips were almost touching. I didn't know where I was supposed to look since most of my peripheral vision was taken up by Andrew looming over me, Andrew was directly watching me get uncomfortable and let out a hum of amusement then backed away.
"Are we off Jonathan Groff?"
"You've waited so long to say that haven't you?"
"You fucking bet I have, let's go."
I laughed and walked through the door with him following behind me, the car in the driveway clicked open and I moved to sit in the backseat.
"Jon you're not five years old sit at the front."
"O-Okay."
I re-entered the car now on the front seat and Andrew turned on the radio beginning to reverse out of the driveway. Once we were on the main road I spoke up:
"Andrew?"
"Yes Jon?"
"What caused you to change your mind?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to get into trouble so -"
"- You won't."
"Okay, well, you were all dominant and harsh and now you're taking me out to dinner? It's a bit sudden that's all."
"I've wanted to have a moment of just us for ages now, I wanted you to be willing. I couldn't take you out to dinner last night because you hated me, at least tonight you are grateful for a change."
"I was grateful before I -"
"- No you weren't. You wanted to be with Lin and his twins. I was the last thing you'd want."
I fell silent and he shortly picked up from where he left off.
"My plan is, if this works, then hopefully we can spend the rest of my time with you having dinner and going to the park. It doesn't have to be all doom and gloom."
"You mean that?"
"No I'm lying and driving you to an underground dungeon. Of course I mean it!"
"Wow that was an interesting example."
We both laughed and he parked the car near the park
"We gotta walk cause I don't wanna pay for the community car park."
"Andrew it's like 50 cents."
"Yeah and I can park here for free."
He proceeded that by getting out the car and I followed suit, you could easily see the park from our parking spot so it wasn't entirely bad.
"You sure your little legs can handle that distance?"
"I'll be just fine, you sure you can keep up with me?"
"Oh it's on."
Before he finished his sentence I'd started running, it's no rumour that Andrew hated sports as a kid. And it was clear by the gap between us, it still wasn't his strong suit. Maybe if I ran away all those years ago I'd have escaped and -
"- Fucking hell you're quick! Right, I forgot a frisbee so we'll probably just walk around if that's okay?"
"That's fine."
I spoke out between my deep breaths, Andrew was not in the same state, meaning he didn't really bother with the race. Hmm.
"So, what is the struggle you wanna talk about today? Since we're having dinner tonight."
"Well, I still don't understand you in general, especially with this sudden change of mood but it's not a primary concern."
"So? What is it then?"
"I'm worried about everyone else, you ruined my phone. I've got no idea if they're alright or anything. They could be dead for all I know."
"Jon you still do have that one phone call, it can be used at any time."
"Yeah but I don't want to waste it, couldn't you make it a couple more phone calls?"
"If I did you would no longer talk to me, you would just keep talking to Lin."
I began to respond but he raised a finger to my lips so I shut up, he then turned to face me.
"And don't try to say it's not true cause it is. If it's not a main worry then don't use the phone call, if it is go ahead. That's all I can really say. Anything else?"
I shook my head and he smiled
"And I'm sure I'm not that confusing, you've known me a while Jon."
"That's the most confusing part. I should know you by now, but I don't."
"How about you ask me whatever you want over dinner, I'll stop you if it might cross me. Does that sound good?"
"Yes, thanks."
"No problem. Wanna head off? I booked a table and I can't remember what time I said we'd be there."
I rolled my eyes laughing and we turned back to get in the car.
"Feel like another race?"
"I'd rather do anything else in this world than race anybody ever again."
About half an hour later we were outside a fancy restaurant and this time we were in the car park.
"Remember this place?"
"Kind of, it's all hazy."
"The Mabalani. Used to be called the Dalawa but a new company bought it. I took you here once."
"Really?"
"Yeah but let's not talk about that. New memories to make yeah?"
Conscious of his weird change of subject, I warily nodded.
"Do you know what the words mean?"
"Hmm?"
"Mabalani? Dalawa? They must mean something."
"That's a fair point you've got there. I've never really thought about it."
I huffed then muttered
"I couldn't stop wondering."
I fell silent as Andrew talked to the lady and we were seated, our menus were provided and I began to look for what I should eat.
"You're so curious."
"Sorry?"
"It's one of the things I admire about you, there's this sense of discovery and adventure surrounding you."
"Wow, uh, thanks?"
"You pick up on things quickly, like you know more than you let on. Like a silent witness to everything. You seem like you'd know more about people than they'd know about themselves."
"You sure this isn't you? I mean, I've been told what I should know about myself by the people around me. I probably know the least."
"Yet you always seem to know the most."
I scoffed
"I don't understand you Rannells."
"And I can't figure you out either Groff."
"You sure? I'm pretty straight forward."
"Well you're not straight for a start and I disagree anyway."
"Oh very funny."
"I thought it was."
I went back to the menu and heard Andrew snickering opposite me,
"You think it's that funny?"
"Why yes I do."
"The point is you are difficult for me to understand because you remind me of a shapeshifter. Sort of a good cop bad cop vibe."
"Oh so now we're talking about vibes?"
"I guess we are."
"Well, I find you hard to understand because you are so innocent yet so mature. It's like you're a child with infinite knowledge."
"I'm a child?"
"Well, in terms of innocence -"
"- and fragility? Wonder how that happened?"
"Jon I am treating you to a meal. If you'd rather I took you back home and we continued as we were then please say. If not, then don't test me."
"Sorry. I just -"
"- interrupted me? Yeah it's frustrating isn't it? You say I'm a shapeshifter but you don't understand that half the time you provoke it with your smartass remarks. That's probably what makes you seem like a kid, you act like one."
"Andrew, I'm sorry."
"What are you ordering?"
I muttered my order and he went up to the bar to tell them, grudgingly I began to get frustrated with how difficult Andrew is. He gets mad at me for bringing up the past but the past is basically why we're in this situation. He can't avoid what he did to me and he still hasn't given me an exact reason as to why he did what he did. He also said I could ask him whatever I wanted tonight and he'd stop me otherwise so, have I already gone too far? He sat down opposite me again and I took a deep breath.
"Okay, you said I could ask you whatever questions I had."
"I did. Go ahead."
"What began your crimes? You say you owed Stacy's uncle a favour but surely it must have been a difficult decision to make. And if not, have you committed crimes before? I just don't understand how you are so at ease with yourself."
"I also have said I regret the murder every day, and last night I told you I don't sleep anymore. I am consistently guilty and ashamed of what I did, in my wake and my sleep I am reminded of it. And you must realise that I didn't do the most brutal of murders, I didn't stab her, I didn't decapitate her, nothing of the sort. I pushed a car she was inside of. And that was a mere coincidence, I was on a walk after just telling her uncle I needed more time, I watched her from behind a tree realising what she was about to do then in a split second decision I chose my fate."
"Then if you are so guilty, why did you tell Lin in such a taunting way over the phone as a threat?"
"You remember that?"
"Lin told me."
"I cannot answer that, I don't know myself, good cop bad cop I guess."
"So my point stands the same."
He took a deep breath as if to calm himself down, an obvious sign I should stop whatever I'm doing.
"Any more questions?"
"What is it about me that makes you keep coming back?"
"You're so different, you don't fit in with everyone else. It's like some trait you must have, no one thinks like you, no one speaks like you."
"Isn't that the same with everyone though?"
"I guess, but I don't care about everyone. I care about you."
Before I could reply, our meals were placed on the table with a smile from the waiter. It was bigger than I imagined, and I could not say that I would be able to finish it for certain. I also watched as two glasses of water were placed on the table, Andrew's was ice cold and mine was tap water. Again. I made sure to not address it since that's probably what he wants me to do.
"Right well, Bon appetit!"
"Yes, uh, have a good meal!"
He smiled at me beginning to tuck in as I did the same, I still had very limiting answers to the questions I asked Andrew; maybe that was the game of it, I ask whatever I want but he never said he would answer with every detail. He didn't even say he would answer so I'm lucky with what I got.
"Jon you're thinking again"
"Huh?"
"There's only so many times I can hear your fork scraping against the plate before I have to bring the torture to a stop."
"That bugs you?"
"Yes, and many other customers as I could tell."
I took a sip of the water, trying not to cringe too much from the taste. Mainly because Andrew was watching me with a smirk on his face.
"That's a question. What annoys you?"
"Not specific enough. There's too big a range."
"Fine. What is it that I do, which annoys you so much?"
"I said you're different, I still need to figure you out while you need to figure me out. I don't like it when you disrespect me, nor when you lie, nor when you act innocent or tease me or both at once."
"I don't disrespect you."
"When I'm mad, I like to be in charge so nothing can go wrong again. If you hesitated to call me Sir, or refused to, that counts as disrespect. If you refuse to do as I ask, such as drinking the entire glass of water right now, that is also disrespect.
"Andrew -"
"- I'm waiting."
I looked down at the glass, in restaurants the glasses are never normal size. They're much bigger, I suppose it's so you get your money's worth but it is not helpful in this case. As Andrew had obviously picked up on, he probably picked out the exact glass for them to use.
"Jon, you finished with your thought process?"
"Sorry."
I picked up the glass and took a deep breath, I tried to down the glass but had to pause to catch my breath midway. I've never chugged alcohol or anything so he's got to realise this is new for me. Once eyeing the others in the restaurant to check no one was watching, I finished the rest of the glass at the quickest pace I could manage. I put the empty glass back down on the table and looked up at Andrew who nodded at me with a smile, as if to say 'well done'. I took a deep breath and continued the conversation.
"Okay, have you got questions for me?"
"Yes, just the one for now, are you planning to eat your meal or scrape your cutlery against the plate? It's really annoying me now."
"So that really annoys you?"
"It's not an experiment Jon, that's another thing. You have these childish ticks which muck me up. That's what's different if you must know."
I nodded to myself in thought, then proceeded to eat my dinner. Shortly after, Andrew sensed the conversation had finished and he continued with his meal. Once we were both finished, the waiter came with the receipt.
"Do you want to split the bill?"
"Jon, I'm the one who wanted to take you out, I'll pay."
"But still I -"
"Shush."
I fell silent and the waiter sent me a nervous look, I lightly smiled as if it was nothing but we both heard the low tone in Andrew's voice. Soon after, we were on the way home as I looked out the window to see the street lamps and their shadows on the sidewalk.
"You ever thought about learning to drive?"
"Huh?"
"I asked you a while ago and you said you weren't sure. Just checking up on it."
"Do you mean now or in the future?"
"Anytime."
"Maybe in the future, but not right now or anytime soon."
"Define soon."
"The rest of this year probably."
He hummed in approval and parked the car back at his house.
"Well I think that was a lovely meal, let's go to sleep so you can dream about what you want to do tomorrow, it's your choice remember?"
"Yeah, I'll think of something."
Andrew smiled and began to walk upstairs, huh, I knew that tonight went well but I didn't expect him to just let me sleep like normal again. That's not what he's been hinting at. At least he's doing more good than damage, but it doesn't change how unnerving it feels to know that once again Andrew was unpredictable. Especially when it's Andrew, a criminal who has served time for only one of his crimes. Once in bed I decided to act asleep for fear that I'd be lying awake next to him on his laptop. I didn't want to spend another minute amongst the danger that surrounds him.