All The Hurt Would Go Away

In every line...

I remained alone in tears as Lin left to pick up his kids. I never expected to become this weak after so much time. Three years and it's as if it happened a week ago, the whole thing in a cycle. I love him. This man who is the knife covered in sugar, the sentiment of evil, then bittersweet reincarnation of humanity. He can make or break me so easily it pushes me to insanity. He's like a drug and I get so addicted I want more and more and more losing my health, my mind, my clarity until the consequences hit. My drug. Everything pushes me away yet I am pulled towards him by this strong connected force we share. It's fate whether it be good or bad and he's in command - and he knows it.

Me:
We need to talk

Andy:
Please don't say
no already. We
talked earlier,
I love you.

Me:
That's... what
it's about.

He didn't reply but he had read the message. I need to tell him how I feel, I can't get over who I love and I'll just have to accept it. Love conquers all I guess. Wiping my eyes I picked myself up and went for a walk, I needed time to myself to reflect on everything. Locking the door behind me I set off to the park to see all the kids running about to cheer me up, I got there, and the place was swarming with little kids. I watched as a little girl fell over quickly getting picked up again by her father who spun her around in the air, kids going up and down on the zip wire, queuing up for the slide and
"Hello."
I turned away ignoring my heart fluttering in my chest.
"Hey, it's not my fault we met again. I usually come here during the day and you don't."
He had a point, I only came here to be alone though.
"Well excuse me but I'd like to be alone."
"Fine then you can watch instead of play."
He called someone's name and the little girl who fell over ran out of the park towards him, his father waving from the park.
"Jon, meet my niece Stephanie."
She shyly waved at me as I waved back smiling. He took off his rucksack pulling out a frisbee and was eyeing me mischievously. Yeah, I kinda want to play with them now but I'm not gonna tell him that. No way.
"Let's go!"
They ran off and he started to throw it towards her, she couldn't catch it bless her but managed to stop it with her hands so she could pick it up and throw it back.
"Can't you at least tell me where and when you're leaving the house?"
Lin sighed as he held his kids' hands, he hadn't seen Andy yet so if I got both of us to leave now he would never know.
"I just came here to have some alone time but I'm better now. Are we off?"
"Woah hang on there! Might as well enjoy the park while we're here"
"I'm probably gonna head back, bit exhausted."
"Well you can just watch from the bench then while we go to the park yeah?"
Defeated, I sat on the bench now with two families to watch and one not knowing about the other. By Andy's smirk when they left I could tell he knew my predicament. He quickly looked away and innocently continued passing the frisbee but it was enough of a hint. I watched Lin in the park with his kids claiming both of the swings for them and pushing them at the same time. They all had such wide grins on their faces I hate the fact I'm causing everyone sadness, they're only smiling because I'm not with them. Andy too. Now they were trying to roll the frisbee to each other, laughing all the same. I hate playing the spectator sport but if I join either of them the other will take offence. It was a stalemate situation. Giving in I closed my eyes to a short nap, I wasn't lying when I said I was exhausted.
"Oi Jon we heading back?"
I opened my eyes to see Lin grinning back at me holding out his hand for me to lift myself up with. Gratefully I took it and we headed back to get the twins ready for bed and have a cup of tea each. Settling down, Lin took a deep breath.
"Okay, cut the crap. Why was Andy there?"
"W-What?"
"You're great at acting but not at lying why was Andrew at the park with that kid? I saw them before I even started talking to you. You were looking directly at them smiling."
"I didn't plan to meet them -"
He rolled his eyes.
"- honestly, I went there to be alone but apparently Andrew spends most of his time there with his niece."
"What's her name?"
"Stephanie. Why?"
"Just checking if you bothered to have a conversation with him but of course you did!"
"Leave it. I was being polite, you can't shun me for that!"
"Sorry, if I get raped I'll remember my manners afterwards? Sure."
I stormed out the room and up to my bedroom with Lin's echoing footsteps behind me.
"Jon! I didn't mean it like -!
I slammed the door, childish but I was finished with the conversation. I heard the kids start to cry because of the noise and Lin cursed walking into their room. Now I did feel bad, not for Lin but for the kids. I should've at least thought about the noise if anything. Slowly I got changed out of my clothes and watched as a folded up piece of paper fell out of my trouser pocket. Picking it up and opening it out it read:

Jonathan, I forgot how cute you looked when you are asleep. I'm sorry this happened today and I'll stop going to the park if you'd like, just send a message. I knew straight away Lin could see me since as you watched me and Steph I could see him glaring at me behind you before you even knew he was there. I tried to keep you happy since I know he's offered you refuge in his place so it would be a bad evening for the both of you. (Sorry if it was). Anyway, I just wanted to remind you I'm always here to talk and would do absolutely anything for your love and forgiveness.
Love you always,
Andrew Rannells

My heart melted as I read the letter and it helped how he filled me in on what happened. I love him. I really do. But it was tearing me apart to even be near him. Frustrated, I lay back in my bed preparing myself for a restless night.