All The Hurt Would Go Away

You matter to me...

So me and Andrew were currently cuddling and planning how exactly I was going to get over this habit.
"So, how about next time you come round you have to wait ten minutes before you can wash up?"
I looked at him in alarm, had he not already seen how much I struggled before?
"Hey, that should be fine! You managed five minutes just now so add another five on."
"Yeah but even that was a struggle for me."
"Good. Struggle equals gain."
"You sounds like a crappy exercise advert."
He gave me the 'warning look'. I've been getting a lot of those looks recently...
"You're gonna have to cooperate otherwise this'll never work."
"I know I know. I'll try ten minutes. What happens if I don't manage though?"
"We stick to the same time you couldn't do and keep practising until you succeed that time. Eventually it'll be so long you forget about it and I'll have to remind you to wash up."
"I don't want to entirely give up, you know how satisfying I find it."
"Yes, but I'm greedy and I want more time with you."
I laughed as he hugged me tighter.
"Can't help loving that man of mine"
He sang as he rocked us both back and forth on the mattress. I beamed with happiness as he continued the song then paused
"Do you love me Jon?"
"What?"
He remained silent
"Well, umm, I like you. I don't know about love but I really like you, like, like you."
"Jon if you're looking for the word by the sounds of it the word is love."
"Well, I love you."
He smiled to himself
"I love you too. And I'm about to tell you something that you will either love or hate."
"Hmm?"
"Do you like black currant cheesecake?"
"Well, I've never had it before but can't knock it till you try it I guess."
He grinned.
"Cause it's waiting in the fridge, and I know you just washed up so we can find some plastic bowls or something since I don't want to lose you again."
I grinned and followed him back into the kitchen
"Ice cream?"
"What?"
"Unless your a psychopath..."
"Uh, sure."
He laughed adding a scoop of ice cream to the bowl
"Custard?"
"You go all out on the puddings don't you?"
"Best part of the meal."
I gestured for him to add custard and we walked back into the living room holding our bowls of pudding.
"Oh shit!"
"What?"
I asked in alarm
"The one term Lin had to letting you stay!"
"I'm not following..."
He raised his hands to his head trying to remember then suddenly shouted
"Call him!"
"Why?"
"He said if you don't you can't ever come back here, it was his one condition as you put it."
I nodded and grabbed my phone to call him
"Hello?"
"Hey, uh, Andrew told me to call you?"
"Oh, right, yes, just checking up on you. How's it going?"
I eyed Andrew who was listening in to the conversation.
"It's going well..."
Andrew raised an eyebrow
"Cool, nothing bad has happened right?"
"No"
"Is everything okay? You're giving quite short answers..."
"Yeah I'm fine just a bit spaced out right now"
I could hear in Lin's voice that he mistook my comment for something a lot dirtier.
"Oh, wouldn't wanna interrupt you. Get back at it!"
"No! Lin! I -"
Andrew laughed as I looked at the phone, Lin having ended the call. I looked at Andrew.
"Hey! It ain't my fault! You're the one who said the innuendo so now he thinks we're fucking, I wouldn't mind if we were but that's gonna be fun to explain when you get back."
I groaned as he laughed
"Just gotta think before you open that mouth, people have dirty minds these days."
"Tell me about it."
I pointedly looked at Andrew and he looked away.
"My point is, perhaps you should've said that you were tired or something."
He muttered before walking into the kitchen. I didn't mean to fire back at Andrew like that, it just came out of my mouth. He had a point when he told me to be careful what I said. I sighed to myself before going into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Andrew -"
I paused noticing the bottle of whiskey in his hand which he was struggling to open.
"Hey, if you want to drink, I can help you open it."
He looked up at me, pain had filled his eyes.
"I didn't mean to lash out on you, it was a good point when you said I should watch my mouth."
I took the bottle from him and he gave little to no resistance.
"Now, you can drink and ruin the evening or we can forget this moment happened and continue to have fun."
He waved over to the rack of bottles and I nodded placing the whiskey back where it was.
"I love it when you do that"
"Do what?"
"Take care of me. I always feel like I need to protect you because I'm scared someone else will ruin you. But then I remember I'm my own worst enemy, I don't know what to do half the time when we're together. I want to respect your boundaries but I'm scared."
My heart filled with sympathy, although he did do all that stuff the fact I keep running back shows that I love him. I replied
"And I want to take care of you because I know how fragile you are beneath the hard persona you show."
He turned around to face me, cupped my cheek and gave me a soft lingering kiss. I melted into it and he smiled against my lips. Seconds later he broke off the kiss and I stood there with my cheeks red watching him. He smiled at me
"I love you Jon, come on let's go up to bed."
I followed him upstairs, the familiar nerves setting in but I pushed them aside. After the afternoon we've had I doubt I should be worrying. He approached the guest room and rubbed the back of his neck
"Umm, well, I guess this is goodnight? I mean, I do have a double bed but I don't want to freak you out so..."
He trailed off as he saw me shaking my head
"I'd rather sleep in your bed."
He looked at me in surprise
"Wha-really? I mean sure, uh, you don't need to get changed since you're already in a hoodie blanket and I can just strip to my boxers, I can sleep in normal clothes if you'd prefer."
"No, do your usual bed routine. I want everything to be normal. It hasn't been normal for a while."
I said with a tone of sadness in my voice, he smiled down at me and led me to his bedroom. I got into the bedsheets as he got changed then followed suit.
"Goodnight Jon."
"Goodnight Andrew, I love you."
He froze next to me, smiling to myself I cuddled him and he relaxed whispering
"I love you so much more."