B a B y

Lions & Turtles

A/N: Lams. It's sad. Trans John (as usual sorry that's my favorite type of John) Don't come at me. 

Alexander's P.O.V

"Hey, guys I'm back with more news for my channel Young Writers. Today I'm going to be interviewing our youngest writer so far. Alexander Hamilton." Sarah said staring into the camera, as I just smiled forcefully. 

"It's honestly a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Hamilton," she said. She put her hand out for me to shake it. 

"It's a pleasure meeting you as well Sarah," I said shaking her hand, I took my hand back and crossed my legs waiting for her to start the interview.

"You're so young and adorable! Why are spending your time writing, you're so young? When you could be hanging out with friends and family?"

"Writing is just a safe place for me, something I was chained to after a tragic event in my life. The writing was my only way out, and I ended up here. As for family they practically died in the hurricane; my father left, mother died of an illness and my brother drowned, cousin, committed suicide and I guess writing became family. Do I sound crazy? I haven't slept at all."

"I'm sorry to hear, no you don't sound crazy maybe a little and why haven't you slept?"

"Anxiety keeps me up at night, well basically all day," I said.

"Yikes," she said. 

"Alright, I'ma just jump right into. So I heard you made a new book, care to enlighten us on what's it about. Why the title 'Lions & Turtles'?" 

I chuckled lightly tucking a few strands of hair behind my ears. "Where do I even start?" I sat up properly. "So the book is about a childhood friend and myself. Um, the childhood friend was my friend, well my best friend. We uh shared many numerous adventures together, I would say we're still friends to this day, but our relationship friend wise isn't there anymore. Don't get me wrong it's there! But they feel so far away now. I wrote this book because my best friend um actually took their own life. So I guess this is a book about our childhood adventures until the day they left this earth." 

Her facial expression changed. "God, I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear." 

I just nodded.

"Why the title?"

"Oh! the title has a ridiculous speculation behind it, it's not ridiculous to me though it means a hell of a lot." "...So when we were younger we had nicknames for each other and these nicknames stuck to us. He was my little turtle and I was his big lion." 

"That's adorable," she cooed. I smiled halfhearted.

"Care to elaborate more on the book?" she asked. 

"Sure. The cover of the books is just pictures and words we took and said together. So when you open the book there is like a short paragraph of dedication to his family than a sad love poem in French." I said.

"Why the love poem? Who's it for?" she asked.

"John," 

"Who's John?" she asked.

"My childhood friend. The main character in the book beside myself. My lover..." 

"Oh, so your...?"

"I'm pansexual," I said. 

"You like boys as well?" she asked.

"Yes, but John wasn't a boy nor a girl." "So at the beginning of the book, it explains stuff such as the LGBTQ community since we both discovered that at a young age. It happened as we played outside at school one day and John walked up to me and said, "they were confused about their gender." Originally John was female and did not have the name, John. They came out as transgender and genderfluid in the 8th grade."

"Wow," she said.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

She nodded.

"Are you homophobic or anything?" 

"No! I just didn't expect you to come out that way. I thought you were only attracted to girls." 

"Girls...are a touchy topic for me. But I was fine with John as a female, any other female -no offense makes me anxious." I said.

"You're feeling anxious right now?" she asked.

"Heh, sadly." 

"So your friend John was suicidal?" she asked.

"Not at first. John was the friendliest person you'll ever meet. But also introverted. I am as well, and I think that's how our friendship blossomed. Anyways, as we started growing older John became confused with just about everything particularly themselves. It was a very depressing time for John. John came to school with tremendous blemishes. Which petrified me badly! John was never the type to um...talk when they got the chance to talk they'd break down. I knew by that something was wrong because John wasn't the one to cry out of the blue without reasoning."

"What did you do to help John?" she asked.

"I couldn't do anything to be completely honest and I still beat myself up for it. I could've prevented John's death...I...could've done so much more. I wanted to but John would isolate themselves from the world. I hate myself so much for not helping him." 

I felt grief wash over me. 

"Alexander I'm so sorry you feel this way. Can I ask how are you doing mentally?" I nodded.

"How are you doing intellectually after John's unfortunate passing?"

"I'm not doing well at all if I'm being completely honest with you. I was um recently diagnosed with...major depression, and it isn't helping that I'm being interviewed at the moment. Like I'll have these days where I'm not able to function properly so I just lie in bed all day..." 

"Are you having one of those days?" she questioned.

"In fact I am. I would've stayed home all day but I was reminded I had to do an interview," I chuckled dryly. 

"So how close were you to John and their family?"

"Very close and John's family treated me as if I was their own son."

"Your feelings on John? Like how close were you two, was it all friendship close or romantically close?" 

"Both. I loved John very much romantically and in a friendly manner." 

"What made you admire John so much?" 

"I loved John because of their beauty-not only that! But John was just an outgoing person in general, they were never the type to yell or hit you. John's voice was soft almost angelic. I was head over heels for John. I am till this day. Even though John has deceased I still love him very very much." 

She was fanning away tears. "Oh, god that was so emotional. Your whole story is emotional." 

"Yeah..." 

She sniffled. "Well, that's all we have for today. I don't want to push Alexander too much he needs rest, you can buy his book at any bookstore or online. I heard that the books also come with signatures and a Lion and Turtle keychain."

I nodded. 

"It was so nice meeting you Alex," she said hugging me tightly.

"You as well!" I smiled. 

"Thank you guys so much for watching and stayed tuned for next week. Bye!"