Accidents

Chapter 18

Two Months Later:

It's been two whole months of drowning inside this house and "my" own room that Dias redecorated before I came here so I feel at home. I would burry my face into chapters of books and binge watch shows just to feel that settling feeling of home, but these days hasn't been close to feeling like that cheery and happy word called home, it was more like hell. The only home i loved and cherished was with my mother being around but this isn't even as close to it.

I haven't been comfortable going out yet again, after the accident. Dias tried to drag me out of the house or sometimes even my room.

Carter wanted to talk to me about some unsettled stuff between us but I refuse to let myself at him. I needed a huge break from everything to get me back at my stability of having my normal life back, or which once was close to being normal at least. But to be honest, hibernating in this house doesn't help at all.

It just makes me feel sorry for myself and reminds me why im keeping myself hidden.

I had a few breakdowns about my life and once I let my tears out and cry about that certain situation, I would cry about everything else wrong in my life which is a total drag.

One night, my aunt silvana heard me crying because of everything that has been happening and I started opening up to her, because I think that's the right thing to do knowing she'll be the closest thing to a mother and on the other hand I felt much better at the end. If I didn't talk to her, I don't think I would be considering on owning up to whatever outcome that caused my recent behaviours.

My aunt obviously hasn't known what has been happening. For Carter's and Dias sake I left out the specifics. She has been getting worried so I decided to talk to her, for advice on what to do with my life. Sil has the best advice and pep talks which pretty much saves me. She's such an understanding women that talking to her was the easiest thing ever.

I could see the relations between my mother and herself. They both care about what others feel more than themselves and the level of understanding they hold shows me that they're never judgemental. They'll understand every aspect, even the small ones.

Dias has been coming to my room most nights and we would talk about literally everything. Like that now shes dating a guy named William. Sometimes she gets too carried away talking about him that she forgets I'm even in the same room as her. I think it's the cutest thing ever. I listen anyway because I love the thought of her being happy.

William is a boxer at a fight club and invited Dias to come and support him tonight, also there is going to be a bonfire afterwards. Dias really wants me to come but I keep telling her I shouldn't.

She then tries to convince me using sayings like "I don't know anyone there." or "I'm going to be alone." And that's what brings me to the edge. I don't like the thought of my cousin who's brother is involved in a gang going to a fight club alone at night just to support her now boyfriend who is going to be in the ring busy knocking other guys out for the fun in it, I don't see the fun in that.

Dias thinks it's hot seeing other guys fight but really it's brutal, I've seen it. But I can't convince her not to go knowing this guy William means a lot to her.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to go out and have fun because every time I try to think of even taking a little fresh air walk outside my paranoia hits me.

As im getting ready to sleep early tonight a heavy shift on my bed gets me out of my trans of all the thoughts that are building at me.