Mahal Ko Siya

Chapter 45: Stuck

Malipas ang ilang buwan. I've gotten used to living here again. I mean, Oo namimiss ko yung snow but nothing beats the warm summer breeze here in the Philippines.

Today, was different. The sun wasn't as bright, at yung araw tila bang nararamdaman ng ulap yung lungkot ko. I mean, pwede ko naman sabihin na kahit papano nakamove on naman ako. Pero let's face it, ilang beses ko na ba nasabi yan, pero eto parin ako.

I couldn't believe it. Hindi ko inakalang gagawin ko talaga to. Ever since 2nd grade hindi ko inakalang gagawin ko to.

Na aattend ako sa kasal nung iisang taong alam kong tunay kong minahal.

Ewan ko ba, pagsakanya kasi iba eh. Iba yung saya at iba yung pakiramdam. I always thought na maybe he'll end up with me. Pero siguro nastuck lang ako sa bagay na hindi namang mangyayare. 

[POKENANGENAJBSHBUIAHJ WEYT LANG MOMENT OF SILENCE MUNA KASI BIGLANG TUMUGTOG MAGASIN AT MAIIYAK ATA AKO SHET]

I silently stared at myself through the mirror. Wearing a baby pink floral dress and my hair put in one of those fancy buns with flowers on them. My make up subtle but very vibrant. Lipstick a light shade of pink and the eyeshadow a lilac color.

Para naman hindi ko maout shine yung bride. Baka maging issue pa, ayaw ko ng mga ganon eh. I mean why would I want people to blame something on me even though I didn't do shit, and wasn't really aiming it to a certain someone. 

That would be a shit move to be honest. I'm not one for cliche comebacks and those kind of stories. I'm more of a shut up and go kind of person. Kung ayaw di wag, kung gusto edi go. I guess, this is one of those situations where it was right in front of you but you chose to ignore it.

I sighed, kinuha ko na yung purse ko at lumabas sa hotel na tinulugan ko. I don't get why they had a wedding so far away from Laguna, it took me and hour to get here by car. I guess that's how Luke is isn't he. He wants everything grand for the person he loves. Sad that I'm never going to experience that. But hey maybe somewhere out there, someone will.

I waited for the chauffeur at the Lobby, while I was, I took my phone and scrolled through twitter. Nothing much to be honest. Just my friends greeting Luke, and a couple of tweets about shit happening. 

Then, I came across a tweet.

" Can't believe the person I love is getting married today."

And to say that, that tweet didn't hit me would be a lie. That fucking tweet hit harder than that time I ran into a fucking wall. So I retweeted it, bahala na kung sino makakita. I don't give  fuck anymore. Shit, I don't even care if his wife sees it. I said what I wanted to say, they can go fuck themselves. 

[I swore almost five times in that paragraph alone, I'm sorry mom. You raised a clinically depressed bitch]

I looked at the person who tweeted it and I really didn't know who that was. His username was familiar but I can't seem to remember who he is. kevkai seemedd so, familiar. Probably someone at uni back at Manchester. 

I shrugged then heard car beep outside. I went out and greeted my chauffeur, he smiled and opened the car door. I got in the car and took out my earphones. I the started to listen to whatever the fuck this song is. I don't really care anymore. I closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics of the song.

'wishful thoughts and sudden smiled, ended being shattered.'

'what are we supposed to be, I'm helplessly addicted to you.'

'but you never felt the same'

Kakaiba talaga si universe noh, na nanadya siya eh noh.

As I listened to the song, hindi ko napansin na malapit na pala ako. Then the chorus started and I saw I something I never thought I would again. Him. He was smiling, laughing with his groom's men.