Wanna Have

82

"H-hi, mama. Uncle Bagguts went with me." her voice cracked, tears started to form in her eyes as she saw her mom lying unconscious, with tubes attached to her body, connecting her to machines.

"Ssh. Ya, don't cry."

"Mama, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." those tears escaped from her eyes as she fell on her knees.

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to face you."

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong like her."

"Mama, I really... I really miss you. I've been praying for your fast recovery."

"Uncle Jinyoung always told me to go see you but I can't. Ma, I was afraid."

"I- I tried to do well in school, mama. Uncle Jinyoung was there to guide me. I- I did well in Math." she managed to put up a smile even with her puffy eyes.

"Uncle Daehwi would always come during weekends and take me to the company he works in. He shows me how he makes songs for artists and even makes me listen to them. They're all beautiful."

"He also told me he'll make me sing one of his songs someday."

"I would even see uncle Bagguts in the practice room teaching the artists different dances he himself made. Uncle Daehwi told me he's one of the best choreographers on earth."

"It's my first time here, mama. I have a lot of stories to tell you but I guess it can wait." she looked at her mom's closed eyes longingly. She wondered how they'd look at her the moment she finally wakes up.

"Would you be mad at me, mama?" she was thinking out loud. Every single word she uttered pierced her heart.

She never wanted her mom to get mad at her. She was afraid.

"Mama, do you hear me? Mama, I'm sorry." she started crying again.

"Your mom wouldn't want to see you like that, baby. She always hated seeing you cry." umupo si Woojin para maging kalevel niya yung bata.

"Uncle Bagguts, is she mad at me?"

"Of course not. She would never be. She loves you more than anything."

Muling tumayo si Woojin at tiningnan ang babaeng hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa gumigising.

"Ya, you know what? Your daughter's been with Daehwi as what she was telling you. Ayan, Bagguts na rin tuloy ang tawag sa akin at straight nang magEnglish. Ang hirap-hirap na tuloy kausapin."

"I was so afraid to face you but she kept telling me that I have to see you. She told me that even though you're asleep, you do miss me. Do you, mama? 'Cause I really do."

"I hope you wake up soon. I miss seeing your smile. I miss your touch. I miss hearing your voice. I miss everything about you." her little hands reached her mom's face and caressed it.

"Mama, I'm so sorry." she kept apologizing.

Hindi na mapigilang maluha ni Woojin habang hinahagod ang likod ng bata.

"I can't help but get sad, mama. Everything's haunting me. Everything kept on reminding me of what happened. I can't help but get mad at myself." nagulat si Woojin sa mga katagang lumabas sa bibig ng bata.

"I can't stop thinking how things would be once you wake up. Once you find out."

"I've been hating myself the moment I woke up."

"Papa must be mad at me-" Woojin pulled her into a hug.

He was shocked he can't utter any word. Hindi niya inakalang ganito ang iniisip ng bata.

The child was blaming herself.

At her young age, she woke up in that situation and she kept on blaming herself.

And it was the most painful thing anyone could imagine.

"Mama, I'm so sorry we lost papa."

"I'm sorry." she said between sobs.

"He died because of me."

"I'm sorry papa had to die because of me."

"No. Stop saying that." niyakap nang mahigpit ni Woojin ang bata. Nagmalfunction nang tuluyan ang utak niya. Hindi niya alam kung anong dapat niyang sabihin sa bata. Gusto niyang alisin sa utak nito ang lahat ng mga negatibong bagay pero hindi niya alam kung paano.

"Woojin hyung?"

"Jinyoung-ah."

"Uncle Jinyoung?"

"We have to go home now, princess. It's getting late."

"You've been crying again. Mama will get sad if she finds out you've been crying."

"You should go home with uncle Bagguts. Hyung, ikaw na munang bahala sa kanya ha? Susunod na rin ako."

"Mama, I love you. I hope you won't get mad at me. I- I'll try to visit you again."

"M-mama? Are you crying?" nagulat sina Woojin at Jinyoung nang makitang dahan-dahang pinupunasan ng bata ang luha ng kanyang ina gamit ang kanyang daliri.

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We're approaching the eeeeeeend! Oye.