Shourtney AU - Loving So Hard (Mature)

#63 - A Different Side

*Courtney* ⚠️

Shayne and I arrived home within a matter of minutes, with him staying silent the entire way. I understood, I had made him worry due to my paranoia and stupidity.

He gripped onto my hand with such urgency and lingering sadness as we walked through the threshold together, and I couldn't help but cry into his embrace once more, apologising over and over again.

"I-I'm so, so sorry I made you worry, Shayne," I blabbered.

He sighed gently and sat down on our bed, pulling me down to sit beside him. Our eyes locked and Shayne cleared his throat.

"I can't believe you'd ever think I'd leave you again," he thought aloud.

I could feel my heart convulsing, smashing against my rib cage, and all I could do was whimper at Shayne's fragility, inflicted by me, the one person he should never have to fear.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, refraining from bursting into tears yet again.

Shayne fiddled with his hands that were placed in his lap, "I don't want you to be sorry, Courtney."

I held his hand with both of mine, brushing the top of it with my thumbs, and I ripped his gaze away from the floor so our eyes met. Silent tears meandered down his chiselled face, and cracks began to form in my heart. Seeing him so vulnerable pained me.

"I'll never leave you again, Shayne. I'll never make you worry about me," I stated sincerely.

Shayne smiled slightly, before muttering, "That's an empty promise."

I frowned, "I swear, Shayne. I swear on my life that you'll never have to worry about me again. I'll always be here, with you."

"But you see, that's another lie," Shayne began.

My confusion only multiplied, and Shayne continued, "It's impossible for me not to worry about you, Courtney. For me not to fret about you every second of every minute of every hour of every fucking day. How could you expect me to do that?"

I remained silent as Shayne passionately vocalised his deepest thoughts, "How can you expect me to not feel anxious about how you are, how you're feeling, even where you are, when you, you Courtney, are the only thing that matters to me!?"

Subconsciously, I threw my arms around Shayne and pushed him down onto our bed, instinctively needing to comfort him and ensure that he knew I loved him just as much as he loved me. My lips found their way to his, and I poured my heart out into the kiss, desperately tugging at the hem of his shirt as I did so, crying desperately. Shayne cried too, and his hands navigated across my body before locking firmly onto my hips, however, rather than attempting to take my pants off, Shayne held me in place.

"Kissing me won't make this all better, Courtney," Shayne mumbled, allowing tears to cloud his vision.

My hair dangled down onto his face as my own tears simultaneously trickled onto his handsome yet pain-laden countenance.

"I'm genuinely sorry I made you worry, Shayne. I was dumb, but the flashback was so real. I remembered every little detail, even things like the way your hair was styled, and the blinding needles of sheer coldness that struck my body when you left me," I sobbed.

Shayne sighed and sat up, carefully pushing his way past me. I wanted to scream out of agony.

"I understand, Courtney," Shayne said quietly, "That day was the worst for both of us, and I regret ever listening to my parents, I regret it all the time..."

Kari's words replayed in my mind, "I see it in his eyes every time you two are together, even in videos... the pain, Courtney. The regret. The sorrow he relives everyday for ever agreeing to do what his parents told him to..."

I cupped Shayne's cheek with my hand and smiled through watery eyes, "I forgive you, Shayne. I forgave you a long time ago."

He smiled slightly and shook his head, "I know you did, which is why I can't figure out why this is still a problem for us. We moved past it, Courtney."

Yet more tears streamed down my cheeks, and I didn't have a reply. Shayne's breathing faltered.

"I-I'm sorry I'm being so rude," he mumbled.

I shook my head with determination, caressing his face once more, "Shayne, you have nothing to be sorry for, you've given me everything, I'm sorry for leaving without giving you an explanation, and I know we moved past it. The only reason it's a problem is... I love you too much."

"That's a problem?"

I giggled, "Oh, it's a massive problem. You're on my mind 24/7, Shayne. You're all I think about."

Finally, a grin spread across Shayne's lips, "Is that so?"

I nodded and kissed him again, and much to my satisfaction, he reciprocated my actions as I undressed him, with him doing the same to me rather than pulling away.

"I love you with every fibre of my being, Shayne," I panted.

He smirked as he positioned himself atop me, rolled a condom on and pulled the covers over us, "Just shut up. You already know I'm gonna say 'I love you too.'"

My subsequent laughter from him telling me to shut up again was quickly stifled as Shayne entered me, and with that, I knew I had him back.