Shourtney AU - Loving So Hard (Mature)

#97 - Not Enough

*Courtney*

Whilst I was thrilled by the fact that Shayne had quit The Goldbergs to spend more time with me and Skylar, I couldn't help but feel extremely guilty about forcing him to give it up. This was predominantly the case due to a conversation I had with Sam, when Shayne and I went on a double date with him and Olivia.

Olivia had gone to the bathroom and Shayne was on the phone outside, leaving Sam and I at the table, examining our nigh on spotless plates after scarfing down the starters.
I already yearned to hear Skylar's little baby laugh and feel her chubby fingers on my cheeks, but admittedly, it was nice to be out again. Kari had kindly offered to take care of her and Jango for the night.

"So Sam, thinking of proposing to Liv soon?" I teased as I always did when we met up.

Sam rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Trust me, when the time comes, you'll probably be the first to know Courtney."

"Why's that?"

"Well, you're Olivia's best friend. I'll need your help to keep her unaware."

I smirked, feeling quite good about myself, "Thanks Sam."

He grinned, "No problem, so anyways, how's Shayne handling things?"

"Handling things?"

"Well yeah, how is he? I know he seemed fairly happy to be spending more time with you and Sky, but he loved The Goldbergs!"

Sam's voice didn't have any malice behind it, but I couldn't help but sense an undertone of disappointment. He and Shayne were great friends after all, and I was the sole reason why they didn't work together anymore.

"E-erm yeah, he, he seems really happy," I stuttered, unable to break my train of negative thoughts.

"Really? I mean, I'm obviously so happy for you guys, but it's just such a shame. Shayne loved the show so much, and it would've been an incredible platform to further his career had he stayed another couple years," Sam exclaimed nonchalantly.

My head started to spin, and Sam's seemingly informal small-talk cut deep into me. He was right, and I'd torn that all away. From Shayne. From my own husband.

"Smosh is great of course, but I always just felt like Shayne wanted that little bit more when I first met him, but oh well," Sam continued, emphasising the apparent normality of the conversation with a brief shrug and quick sip of his Diet Pepsi.

The room began to close in on me, and cutlery clanged and crashed at almost deafening volumes. My glass of water tilted back and forth without assistance, and Sam's voice slurred to an unrecognisable tone.
However, as instantaneously as it had all started, the chaos came to a stop, and I found Shayne's arms wrapped around me, with his lips upon the top of my head.

Voices came back into earshot, and I noticed nothing but anxiety within my husband's voice as he persistently questioned Sam as to what had happened.

"I-I'm fine," I managed quietly.

"Courtney, babe, you looked like you were gonna pass out. I came back inside and you didn't look well at all."

"I'm fine, honestly," I repeated, squeezing his torso reassuringly.

"Only if you're sure," he said, leaving another kiss on my forehead.

A brief nod was my response, and Shayne and Sam exchanged bewildered looks, before dropping the matter at hand.

As dinner progressed, and Shayne, Sam and Olivia engaged in various discussions, I couldn't help but focus on Sam's words, 'I always felt like Shayne just wanted that little bit more...'

Truthfully, I agreed. My husband was an ambitious individual, and maybe Smosh wasn't enough for him anymore.

"Maybe you're not enough for him," I thought.

No. No. That's ridiculous. That's absolutely crazy. Of course I was enough for him. Right?

Dinner concluded on a somber tone on my part, lying to the others by explaining that my quiet nature was caused by 'feeling unwell,' or something or other.

Sam and Olivia drove off into the night, leaving Shayne and I to our own devices. We meandered over to the car slowly, intertwining our fingers and enjoying the silence, however, Shayne suddenly came to a stop.

I looked up at him quizzically, still unable to process the fact that this fucking deity had married me.

"Hey are you okay?" Shayne inquired softly.

My forced nod quickly turned into a worried shake of the head, and Shayne frowned.

"What's going on?"

His voice was strained, as it always was when I was upset, and he gripped my hands with a more warming urgency.

"I-I was talking to Sam earlier, about The Goldbergs..."

Shayne remained silent, allowing me to continue.

"...and he was saying about how much you loved the show and all that, and then I started to think about how Smosh might not be enough for you..."

"Not enough?"

"...and Sam said you always wanted more, and..."

"What? Courtney come on."

"I'm so glad you're spending more time with me and Sky, baby, but I just feel like you're giving up so much," I muttered, fighting back sobs.

Shayne clutched my shoulders and locked our gazes, "This was my decision. Not yours. You didn't force me to do this."

"I kinda forced you to do this," I said with a dejected laugh.

"You didn't, I don't know how else to say it babe-"

"I'm scared that Smosh isn't enough for you! I'm scared that you'll resent me and I'm scared that I'm not enough for you!"

My outburst left Shayne speechless, and I stared a hole into the ground, unable to meet his hurt gaze.

"You think you aren't enough for me?"

His voice was timid and as quiet as a child's might be.

I sighed defeatedly and felt spherical tears edging down my face.

"Courtney baby, you're everything to me. You know that."

My head remained low and I was properly weeping now. Shayne enveloped me more tightly than ever.

"We've been through so much, Court. How could you think you're not enough for me?"

"I-I don't know."

"The Goldbergs means nothing to me. Smosh means nothing to me..."

"Wha-"

"...in comparison to you and Sky. That's my career, you two are my life. You two are what makes me whole."

I giggled slightly, not leaving the confines of his warm sweater.

"And if you ever think you aren't enough, then remember this very sentence: my life meant nothing before I met you."

Shayne truly did have such a way with words, and he kept going as he always did. He'd keep going until he saw me smile, and he'd keep going until my tears halted.

"Courtney. You are my life. We're practically one, or at least that's how I see it."

I pulled away and allowed Shayne to see me smile, before kissing him lightly, "That's how I see it too."

A/N: Inspiration for this chapter drawn from The Office XD