Part 20.5: 𝓘𝓽'𝓵𝓵 𝓝𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓮

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"Being alive hurts too much

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"Being alive hurts too much."
~*~
Word Count: 2200

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️:
depression, self-harm, attempted suicide

Knock, knock, knock.

My blank gaze doesn't leave my view of the New York skyline. I hear a creak as light peaks into my cold room. Gentle scraps of dishes are heard as Pepper gently took out the old, untouched lunch food to wash the dishes. I heard another creak, but the door was not completely shut. I finally turned my head to the door and squinted as the light burned my bloodshot, puffy eyes. I wobbled slightly as I got up from my bay window and limped over to the door, pushing it shut.

When I turned around, I was suddenly faced with my mirror and saw my frail body that looked almost skeletal. My pale skin looked almost white, contrasting the purple bags under my red eyes. My eyesight lifted two inches above my face and I saw a picture of Peter. My mind failed to remember when it was taken, but his bright, smiling face cut deep into my heart, causing my knees to buckle and my body to fall onto my knees.

I choked on air as I struggled to breathe through my sobs. Hot tears streamed down my cold face and I wondered how it was possible for me to still have tears left to cry.

*Natasha's POV*

Hearing Kathleen crying in her room wasn't new, but it didn't make it any easier to go down the hall. Others were able to walk by with only a sigh and sympathetic look to her door. But not me.

It's gotten to the point where I don't knock. She never answers, so now I just enter the once bright, colourful, organised teen room. Now, I'm met with the dark, gloomy room that looks as though a tornado had swept through it.

I find Kathleen on her knees in front of her mirror in tears. I kneel in front of her and place my warm hand on her cold, bony cheek, gently brushing tears away. Her nearly black eyes flicker up to meet mine and I feel my own eyes tear up.

I remembered a happy, bubbly girl who would make pop culture references on a daily basis. A girl who found it near impossible to stop smiling. A girl who saw the good in everyone and everything. A girl who had been through horrors, but was able to pick herself up after.

But the girl who sat before me only had her face. This was a girl who never spoke, who was always in her room. A girl who hardly even looks at anyone anymore. A girl feels that she has no reason to live anymore. A girl whose horrors haunt her every breath.

And yet, she still is like a daughter to me and who I would do anything for if it meant she would be the happy, bubbly girl I used to know. Her chapped lips opened and she inhaled shakily.

"It h-hurts..." She said, her voice broken and dry. I bit my lip as I tried to stay strong for her while Clint's disappearance secretly eats at me from the inside out.

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