Winter's Love

Bonus Chap. 14

After this day of hell, I couldn't be in my studio. The worrying about Ha Neul was eating me alive. I remembered her face when receiving the news and that lost look will chase me every night when I sleep. I couldn't believe I was doing this, it wasn't this way that I planned to have a relationship. After the press conference, I researched the blog to discover with horror that who was reporting the news was her. If I was having a hard time at the moment, it wasn't a quarter of how Boo felt.

I didn't know where I was going until I found myself in front of the building where Ha Neul lived and although all my thoughts told me to turn around and go away, it was still a necessity to see her. I went up, although I didn't know exactly why. In front of the door, the unknown silence received me. Always when I came to this door, the first thing I heard was music and she singing or humming, they were indicators that I had come home and made me happy. Now only a dark feeling received me. To make sure she was okay, I entered the apartment, surprised that the door had the same code.

Everything was in absolute silence and in darkness. The tension of my body relaxed when I saw her in her room. Her insomnia medication was on her bedside table next to a glass of water. Ha Neul wasn't one of those who drank drugs, but I have known the times when it was necessary. She could be without sleep for a long time and when she spent days with the same problem, she drank them to rest. I went to the bed, watching her sleep deeply. Even with her wet eyelashes... ah, she fell asleep while crying.

On the bed, open on a written page was the notebook that I gave her as a birthday present. Curious, I read the pages. I had not finished reading when my eyes already had tears. The saddest and most sincere words had been written here. Ha Neul all she seeks in her life is to make me happy. I hoped that she would ever know that I did this just to protect what she struggled to achieve with so much effort. Not because I didn't love her, or because Hana was better for my career. This was going to be hell for me... to have to stop myself from doing the things I want to do. How to have her in front and not hug her?

Instead of leaving her alone, as I should, I wrapped her gently so she would not wake up and I sat on the side of the bed that I always slept. I would be here a little longer, and I would leave before she woke up. I needed to extract the courage to continue with this until I found a solution. I hoped not to delay finding it, because I wasn't sure I could stand a long time.

-Don't go -Boo whined in her sleep-. Won Sik... no... -I stroked her hair and she relaxed. I was hoping that I was making the right decision and that Hannie can forgive everything I've done and will do while I sort out how to be together again. If she can't forgive me, I wouldn't blame her either.

At about six in the morning, before her alarm went off, I did one of the most difficult things I have to do: get away from her. Say goodbye, even temporarily, to be by her side and enjoy the things that make me happy. The other would be, face my brothers. Because I can't even tell them what is really happening. Not as long as Hana keeps pressing with harming Ha Neul...