Winter's Love

105

Why was waiting so hard? I looked accusingly at the clock, but it only gave me a totally boring look in which told me he was going to take all the time in the universe... because it wasn't moving fast enough to end this torture. Everything was ready, from my outfit to my makeup. Everything, except me. It was my eminent debut and I couldn't be doing anything other than walking side by side out of pure nervousness. What was I thinking when I accepted the offer? Frankly, now I couldn't remember the moment when I decided to aim at this madness. Shin Hwa watched me from the seat, worried that I was going to dig a hole in the ground. Or worse, that I would collapse. I giggled nervously because I was beginning to panic. All the people who would be present, plus the one who would surely be seeing me from their homes, made me feel more than nervous. Don't think about it that much, don't think about it that much.

I had trained beyond tiredness. I knew everything perfectly, so perfectly that I could do it with my eyes closed. But the pressure I felt was overwhelming. How artists could control this nervousness? I'm going to die of nerves. I heard the door open, but being in my own hell, I couldn't react for what I kept playing with my fingers, while I kept walking from side to side.

-Ha Neul? -That voice was like a beacon in the dark. I looked up to meet Ravi's worried face-. Are you ok? -I grimaced. I was? I didn't believe it. I hug him as if he were the salvation of the world. He returned the hug and a laugh rumbled in his chest-. You need to breathe. You are very tense.

-It's so easy for you to say it -An idol of six years of experience has gone through this enough to be cured of fright.

-Everything will be fine -I took a step back and looked at him-. You have sung everything even asleep, and done the dances until you sleepwalk them -I closed my eyes, he liked to play pranks on me.

-I'm not a sleepwalker and I don't talk asleep... but I know someone who does.

-I wonder who it will be.

-I don't know, someone who even kicks me while he sleeps. Can you believe it? For the next, I think he'll sleep on the floor -He feigned horror.

-Would you be able to do that? - I let out a snort.

-As long as I'm alive the next day? Of course -Ravi laughed. I knew he was doing all this to lighten my tension.

-My brothers will come later -Thanks to the gods... I didn't think I could handle all VIXX teasing me today.

-Lore, you go out in five -I suddenly felt like Katniss going out to the Hunger Games. Ravi squeezed my hands lightly to gain my attention.

-Listen to me for a moment... Everything will be fine. You're doing what you like, and you will see that when you are up there all this worry will be as far in your mind to give way to enjoy the moment. Do you remember the first time we sang together? It will be something similar -I shook my head.

-I was with you at that moment -Ah, so much time to be close to a panic attack and I had to choose just this moment.

-I'm with you now... Even your friends will be seeing you. You have to be the Lore who danced her last dance even though her shoes were hurting her feet -I looked at him in surprise. How did he know those things?-. This is not something you have not done already -That was his favorite phrase to tell me. And he was right. Little by little his logic began to calm me down and he noticed it-. Can we go now? -I nodded. Ravi hugged me and gave me a light kiss on the lips, before leaving the dressing room.

The staff helped me put on all the microphone cable, Shin Hwa looked more excited than I possibly could. Surely, after Ravi, he was the happiest person on the face of the earth, while I was only afraid to screw up. It took only a couple of minutes for me to go on stage and I still didn't know how I was going to take a step towards the stage.

-You will do great -Shin Hwa approached and hugged me-. Sun Hee says she'll make you a party to celebrate your debut -I laughed. It's a good idea if I didn't consider that I'll be in the hospital after the debut. Don't be so dramatic. Sure, it was easier said than done.

-You're out in one -Inform one of the staffs.

-Hwaiting -The photographer encouraged me, while the people outside became euphoric. I looked at Ravi with resignation and he just found it funny.

-You will do well -He said.

-How can you be sure? -I think it was the fifth time I asked him the same thing.

-Don't you believe in me? -I believed him, but I doubted it anyway-. Do you want to know why I'm sure?

-Let's see.

-Simple. Who was your producer?

-You.

-Then you will do everything that is in your hand to show others that my work is magnificent. Your fear is not to fail, but you are thinking that your performance may not be up to my production -He snorted-. You love me more than I deserve... but that's one of the reasons why I'm sure it will be a success. The other is that you're great -I smiled. He was right. Everyone was looking at what I had that Won Sik had made the decision to be my producer. So, everyone had many expectations. If I failed in the least, that could somehow have an effect on his name. You know, people mixing everything with everything, without even being related.

-Don't you think you're being a bit egocentric? -I said not to agree with him.

-It sounds egocentric to you... is it not the truth?

-In your dreams, surely -He laughed.

-Go, it's time. I'll be waiting for you here -I took a deep breath and nodded.

I met my group of dancers before going on stage. Seeing them there made me think of S Team before going to do a performance. Suddenly all the nervousness was becoming something more beautiful tangent: excitement. I always enjoyed a good presentation and I dedicated myself to doing the best because I knew that the others were going to do the same. Ravi was right, I was nervous about nothing. We gave ourselves words of encouragement and went on stage. No time to doubt, because there was no time for that. No, this was the time to have fun.