Winter's Love

77

I looked in the mirror and it gave me a sad look. Inside the walls of my apartment I should not pretend how bad I felt. Even though the boys have been a constant source of support, the void was there. It felt increasingly heavy and deep. I slept with pills and they didn't stop the dreams with him, nor the feeling of missing him.

I turned on the water, possibly I would feel better after a shower. Although maybe what I needed was to move to another place... I had so many memories here with Ravi that it was understandable that I was still crying like the first day. Maybe my mind collapses flat. The hot water fell on my head and as if I had opened a door, all of Ravi flooded my head. The tears were not expected, those tears so sad and bitter that they refused to leave. The experiences with him were revived. Why had I been so happy? Now that the lie framed each of them, they made me feel like I was being stabbed.

-Stop, please... -I whispered desperately, my hands on my ears as if this could muffle his voice.

Never has my life been with so much noise and silence. Was I alive? Sobs broke my throat and the sea of tears mingled with the falling water. The clothes clung to my body like a useless consolation. My back found the slabs of the wall until I slipped without force to the ground. I hugged my knees and hid my face between them. The water kept falling, as did my mood. Ugh, I had to do something before I died.

-Nothing is going to help you out of this more than you... -I said forcefully and still with tears in my eyes I stood up.

The floor got soaked while I walked with clothes dripping water to my room. I wrapped myself around a towel. I dried my tears and then regretted having gotten into the water with the clothes I had just put on. Now I had to change again. I looked for clothes to go out, finding the one that VIXX gave me for my birthday and I prepared myself, making myself as pretty as I could. I didn't know where I was going, but, by the gods, I wouldn't be locked either. I wasn't going to keep complaining about myself. What was done was done.

I decided to force myself to eat something simple. I wasn't hungry, not a little. But I also didn't remember when it was the last meal I had. I went to the company to see my boys that I hadn't seen in a couple of days. In the meantime, they were busy and I, by logic and facts, was as well. It was the season of the fanfics competitions, drawings and other things dedicated to VIXX that I celebrated every year in the fanbase. Normally each administrator uploads something, not to participate in the competition, but to motivate others to do so. As always, I had to coordinate the others, and since we were affiliated with the company, it required other additional things. I met the five when I was entering. They grinned when they saw me, they were probably relieved that after a month of the news they were seeing me as I was.

-I told you that the clothes would look great on her -N said proudly.

-You look perfect. Where are we going? -Hyuk asked.

-I really just came to see you. I have nothing in mind.

-It's good to see you again here! Is it true that you will work from your apartment? -It was something for which I was doing paperwork. I needed time away from this disaster that was happening.

-Don't worry Hongbin, I'll keep being behind you. Only not in the proximity of the company -As long as they are not in the company, I would be accompanying them. The administrative work would be done from my apartment.

-That this isn't a movement to leave us abandoned, noona -Hyuk complained.

-You aren't going to get rid of me so easily. Take it as a break.