I Don't Deserve Love: Alternate Ending

Chapter 6: Dreaming Memories

Everything was dark. Even though I couldn't see myself, I somehow knew that I was five again. I stumbled around in the dark, looking for a source of light. My hands finally connected with what felt like a door. Standing on tiptoes, my hand found a doorknob. I pushed open the door to find myself standing in an empty kitchen. I turned to leave, but I heard a rustling sound that made me pause. Slowly, I walked towards the refrigerator where a pile of torn paper was littering the floor. I knelt down and began rearranging the pieces like a puzzle until I could make out a pink and green butterfly.

"I didn't want a girly daughter! You should have been born a boy or not at all! Don't ever bring something so disgusting home again!"

I jumped up, running away from Father's voice while trying to figure out where it was coming from. I ran full tilt into one of the bar chairs and I grabbed onto the legs to keep myself from falling.

"My skirt! You're ruining it, you little pest!" Mother's voice erupted from the chair and I fell backward in a panic. I ran from the kitchen back into the dark, but from the open door I could hear Father hissing,

"Stay out of our sight, good for nothing brat."

I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me, trying to get away. I tripped over something in the darkness and I closed my eyes as I pitched forward. Instead of landing on the ground though, I found myself sitting on the living room couch. A library book was open on my lap and I knew that I was eight years old.

The click of the door opening sounded and immediately I laid down, pressing myself into the cushions to keep from being seen. I could hear heavy footsteps and the clink of glass rubbing together. Slowly, I crawled out of the living room, not drawing any attention to myself. When I made it to the staircase I glanced into the kitchen to see a dark creature, seemingly made of shadows, pulling out a glass bottle from a bag and taking a swig. I made my way silently upstairs and closed my door. For several long moments, I stared at the doorknob.

Would the creature downstairs give up if I locked the door? Would that keep him from hitting me? My dream self wondered.

I gulped and pushed the button in, locking the door. Looking around, my eyes fell on the little black teddy bear with a red heart-shaped nose that Auntie had given me for my Christmas present that year. I reached out and stroked its ears before burying my face in it, clutching it tightly to me.

Time passed and the sound of splintering wood and a terrifying roar enveloped me. The black creature came into the room with flames in its eyes. It spread its blackness throughout the room so that I couldn't see anything that was taking place. I knew what was happening, but I was happy to pretend that I didn't.

Suddenly Father's voice rang out through the darkness, "Get out of the way, woman!"

"If you EVER hit her face I will leave you, do you hear me? I don't care about the rest of her, but her face is my face and I won't allow you to ruin it!"

"What good is she to either of us? You promised me a son!"

"I did everything I could do. It's not my fault. She's what you've got, so train her. I bet she can do anything a boy can," Mother sniffed.

"Just one more time. Let's try just one more time for a boy." I'd never heard Father use that tone before, it was almost like he was begging.

"Never again. Do you know how uncomfortable pregnancy is? Besides, I lost my modeling career because of her. What would happen if I had another child?"

In the darkness I felt a tear slip down my cheek as my mother's presence left the room, leaving me alone in the dark with my father's voice.

"Tomorrow you will start karate lessons. And don't you ever lock your door again."