I Don't Deserve Love: Alternate Ending

Chapter 35: Revenge is Not the Answer

The next three weeks passed by in a foggy haze. My nightmares were incessant and painfully realistic, so much so that I had even woken Auntie up several times in the middle of the night and woken to feel her cradling me against her chest. I couldn't tell her the truth though, which made me feel even more of a useless failure.

My feelings of guilt and shame for being a mistake and lying to everyone about it had been so close to the surface that I essentially closed myself off to everyone. I started sitting in the back of the class to avoid my friends and brought lunch from home so I could seclude myself in a random classroom or in the greenhouse to avoid talking to anyone.

I spent every waking moment focusing on nothing but schoolwork and trying to distract myself from the knowledge that I had ruined my parents' lives and they had made sure I paid for it. Because of that though, it was Wednesday evening and I found myself staring at my fully completed College Statistics, AP Psychology, and Government packet. I had even painstakingly color coordinated all of my AP Biology notecards twice.

Staring blankly at my completed homework I could feel the anxiety and guilt that always seemed to be hovering in the back of my mind beginning to force their way into my mind. I pressed my lips together firmly and slowly lowered my head down, cupping my hands on either side of my head as I made a futile attempt to block out my father's barrage of curses towards me that echoed from within my heart.

"Opal!"

My head jerked up in shock and I blinked away tears that I hadn't realized I was crying as I looked up into Auntie's eyes. Her usually beautiful face was a mask of worry and frustration and I blinked, swiftly wiping away the traitorous tears still clinging to the corners of my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Auntie. Were you saying something?" I asked, desperately trying to act normal and hoping that she would not comment on my crying.

Auntie's brow furrowed and her hands reached out towards me. Seeming to change her mind though, they closed into fists and she purposely put them back to her side.

"I think you should go dance, Opal," Auntie suggested firmly.

I blinked in shock at this unexpected comment and frowned. Dancing? Wasn't I doing that before I got injured? I wondered dully to myself, even as happy memories of rehearsal began to filter through the blackness that engulfed my mind.

"That's right... my ankle is better now..." I mumbled slowly, almost arduously as I tried to force myself past the fog I had been sinking further and further into every passing day.

Glancing up I was surprised to see relief and hope sparkling in Auntie's expression. This time she didn't hesitate to reach out and clasp my hands into hers.

"Exactly. The doctor said it's completely healed now. So you should go try and dance your sadness away a bit," Auntie urged although her voice sounded oddly strained.

I cocked my head, puzzled by Auntie's reaction but also desperate to hold onto this lifeline that Auntie had tossed me. Even as I tried to hold onto it though, doubt and guilt bombarded me and I slowly lowered my head.

"Shin Woo probably won't want to see me now," I whispered sadly, not knowing how I could ever live up to Shin Woo's expectations when I could never make my father happy.

A small yelp of surprise escaped me when Auntie's hands squeezed tightly around my wrists and yanked me up from my spot on the table. I stumbled slightly as she pulled me out of the dining room and marched me into my room where she only had to rummage for a moment before she tossed me my workout clothes. I caught them instinctively and looked down at the clothes in my arms in mute silence.