I Don't Deserve Love: Alternate Ending

Chapter 62: I Don't Deserve Love

Castiel's POV

Swallowing quickly, I turned and met Opal's large eyes. The sadness in them slowly faded to confusion as I stared at her and tried to figure out how I was going to get Opal to open up to me without her hating me in the process for pushing too hard. Thinking things through really wasn't my strong point though and my feelings of anxiety and frustration eventually won out on my attempts at being logical.

"Why won't you date anyone?" I asked and clenched my fists in frustration as I heard how demanding that sounded. 

Opal's eyes widened in shock. Then sadness and frustration bubbled up in her expression before she turned away from me. "Castiel..." she said with a hard edge to her voice.

"I know. I'm sorry," I said quickly, running a hand through my newly spiky hair and trying to find the words I needed to say. "It's just that... You are important to me, Opal. And there is something I want to ask you but I can't unless I understand why you can't date anyone." My hesitance and frustration came through much more than I had been intending and I grimaced at myself, wishing I was better with words. 

Opal continued looking out across the dog park resolutely. Suddenly she propelled herself to her feet and began walking away from me. I quickly followed after her, not willing to let her slip away when I hadn't even explained myself fully.

"Opal, wait," I called after her. She slowed to a stop and I walked quickly over so I could stand in front of her.

My breath came out in short puffs of fog and I was surprised when I felt something cold on my nose. Before I could make a comment on the snow though, Opal tilted her head up so she could look at me. I felt my throat go dry at the pain that seemed to be hovering beneath the surface of her green eyes.

"I really can't tell you, Castiel. I'm sorry," she breathed out. Warning bells seemed to be screaming inside me and I stepped closer to her.

"Why?" I asked, my voice nearly as cold as the snowflakes falling around us. 

Opal flinched and looked up at me, fear flickering in her expression. Seeing her fear felt like I had just been punched in the gut. Taking a deep breath I tried to calm down and sound gentle.

"Just tell me why you won't tell me. I won't bug you about it after that," I said with a grimace, hoping that I could keep myself at my word. Opal shook her head sadly though and took a small step back from me.

"It doesn't matter why," she mumbled softly. My muscles tightened as I tried to keep my frustration at bay.

"It matters to me," I announced firmly. 

Opal looked up at me silently for a second. She then tucked her lips in between her teeth and I was surprised that her eyes almost looked like they were pleading with me.

"I just can't, Castiel," she repeated and I noticed that there was a hitch in her voice as if she was trying to keep herself from crying. "I should go home," she said with that hitch in her voice again.

Before I could even think I reached out with my injured hand and gently grabbed her upper arm. Opal stopped mid-turn and looked up at me with those pleading eyes again.

Something is wrong. Something is really REALLY wrong, I thought repeatedly as Opal seemed to be pleading with me to let her go. But I couldn't do that.

For the first time in my life, I found someone that was actually more important to me than myself. Someone who would laugh at my jokes and call me out when I was out of line. Opal made me feel like I wasn't just some punk kid who could never change. She looked at me like I was a person. Like I was someone that she actually admired. And she made me want to be better. I couldn't just let her go when I could see the pain that was trying to remain hidden inside her.