I Don't Deserve Love: Alternate Ending

Chapter 50: Feelings of Safety

Monday morning I waited for Alexy and Armin at the corner of their street with my hands encased in thin white mittens, a cute white hat, and a new warm winter jacket. The temperature suddenly plummeted on Sunday and the weathermen were predicting snow in the next few days. I was extremely excited since I hadn't ever seen snow.

"Good morning, Opal!" Alexy and Armin jogged up to me. Alexy was wearing a bright orange jacket and a green hat that looked like a frog while Armin had a grey winter coat and a thick black scarf that covered his neck up to his nose.

"Do you not like the cold, Armin?" I asked, trying to hold back my laughter and he gave me a smoldering look.

"Less talking and more walking," he mumbled through the scarf, and both Alexy and I laughed as we followed him toward school. 

As we walked through the front doors I blinked in surprise as I took in the hundreds of posters depicting Dajan going up for a dunk and proclaiming the Basketball Winter Tournament happening in a week.

"That looks cool. Did you know about that, Opal?" Alexy asked, going up to a poster to read some of the details listed.

"No, Dajan didn't mention it," I said, smiling at the picture of Dajan

"Everyone must have been too focused on the talent show," Alexy observed and I nodded.

Walking into Government I could feel nervousness broil through me as I wondered how Lysander would react. During the weekend I had thought over and over about how Lysander had asked me to explain why I was crying to him. Every time I thought of his determined eyes I felt a stab of guilt, but I couldn't think of any other way to handle his curiosity other than to hide. He had said he would forget what happened but...

"Good morning, Kate." I jumped in shock and turned around to see Lysander standing behind me. 

Slowly a ghostly smile parted his lips as he looked down at me and then walked past me to take his usual seat behind Nathaniel's desk. He gave me a questioning look as I stood rooted to the spot. Blinking I moved mechanically to my seat and sat down, placing my books on the desk and smiling hesitantly at Lysander.

"How was your weekend, Lysander?" I asked awkwardly and again he gave me his half-smile.

"It was good. I never told you how much I enjoyed your talent. It was truly an exquisite performance," Lysander said calmly, but I could feel the sincerity in his eyes and my nervousness began to fade.

Lysander did say he would forget what had happened... but can anyone really act so natural after something like that? I thought to myself in confusion and cleared my throat to give myself some time to respond.

"Thank you. Your band was much more impactful, but I had fun," I said cautiously and he shook his head.

"You shouldn't compare your act to ours; they were quite different after all."

I nodded and tilted my head slightly. "Is... is this really okay?" I whispered, glancing around the room to make sure no one was listening in. Lysander blinked slowly and raised one eyebrow up at me in a silent question. "I mean... this isn't painful for you?" I asked, feeling myself flush out of misery as I looked between the floor and him awkwardly.

Lysander's eyes widened and then slowly his expression became thoughtful. To my surprise, after a few seconds, he reached out and gently patted my head. I blinked over at him in surprise as his hand retracted and he smiled with such open affection that I felt my heart twist in my chest from guilt.

"It would be much more painful for you to ignore me, Kate. Please do not hold back and treat me as you always have," Lysander said firmly.

His kindness brought tears to my eyes and I could only mutely nod my acknowledgment as I held a hand to my mouth and tried to keep myself from crying.