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You're My Light

Sunday, when I can't answer any calls or texts

I'm not in the mood for anything

Though not very often, I feel sick of it

I feel a little helpless right now

From a young age, you were always seen as a happy child. You were a loyal and kind friend, who always put their happiness before your own. You always wore a bright smile, pretending as if there was not one bit of sorrow in your life.

On the outside, you seemed to make the worst situation positive in some way. You always managed to make someone smile no matter what mood they were in. But on the inside, you weren't the cheerful person everyone saw you as. For you had become an expert at hiding your true feelings. And how good you've become at concealing them you have over the past years.

The honest truth was you weren't as gleeful as you appeared to be. As much as you hate to admit, you were quite melancholy and gloomy You disliked smiling because almost every smile you had was fake, which made you feel like a fake, a liar.

But you only chose to compress your negative emotions in order to make others happy. You didn't see as to why your sorrow should affect your loved ones' happiness. The fact of someone being sad and upset because you were feeling that way made you feel weak and guilty for leaving what you thought were a burden on them.

Before you really were a jubilant child. You had a loving family and friends. But your whole world stopped when your parents separated. Their small disagreements turned into full-blown fights, leaving you to hear the screams and shouts from your bedroom. You remembered waking up from nightmares of your parent's once comforting voice turn into intimidating and fear-filled. You spent countless nights staring up at the ceiling, afraid of the nightmares that haunted you. To this day, you were never a good sleeper. Since the first day your father came home drunk, you've suffered his outbursts until you left for college.

When your parents divorced, your mom left to the United States and never turned back. She left without a goodbye or a motherly reassurance that everything would be okay or even an "I love you Eunji." Instead your mom just left without any acknowledgement.

As for your father, he became a completely different person after the divorced. He'd leave you alone while he left to bars and get wasted by alcohol. It didn't take too long for the alcohol and cigarettes to take his life. Which left you alone to raise yourself, with no parental guidance.

But I still feel like I can save someone

I hear your voice

Within the noise, time stops

We are connected  by sound, woah

The way your family had fallen apart had left a deep scar in your heart that you were afraid would never completely heal. You didn't think you ever would. In the beginning, you were filled with rage. You were furious with the world. You were angry that your mom had left you, you were angry that your father had been reckless all the way to his death. You were angry that you had not done anything to stop this madness. But you were only seven, what could you have done anyway?

But soon your anger subsided and from then on you decided to not let people see your negative side. You didn't want to see others unhappy like you were, so you decided that if you couldn't be happy yourself the least you could do was put a smile on the people you loved. Then maybe if you made them happy, you would find happiness in that.

As you grew up, the more independent, responsible and mature you've become. You studied hard at school, tuning out everyone who said you were a nobody and could never achieve anything. No, you weren't the smartest in the class, but it was safe to say you were the most determined. Now you had a job as an intern for a big media company. Unfortunately, you weren't treated very pleasantly there nor was there one day you hadn't come home without a pile of stress and work on your back. But it paid the bills and you had a life.