Undertale: Tales from the Dreemurr Family

Bonus Chapter: Asriel's List of 'Baaaaaaa-d' Puns and Jokes

Asriel: What did one computer say to the other?
Aria: What?
Asriel: "I'm hungry. Let's grab a byte to eat!"

Asriel: I had to dry off a ladder that was left out in the rain. It wasn't too hard. I just rung it out!

Aria: Asriel, now that we know you'll look like Dad when you grow up, what kind of beard do you want?
Asriel: I think I'll have a goat-tee!

Asriel: What do you call a psychic dwarf who's escaped from prison?
Toriel: Do tell.
Asriel: A small medium at large!

Asriel: I challanged Sans to a tile-scrubbing competition.
Asgore: Really? What happened?
Asriel: I wiped the floor with him!

Toriel: I heard a janitor found his true love.
Sans: what happened?
Toriel: He swept his girl off her feet!

Asriel: A Native American walked into a coffee bar with a male buffalo and a shotgun. He goes up to the barista saying, "Want coffee." The barista gives him his coffee, which the Native American drinks in one gulp. After that, he takes the shotgun and shoots the buffalo. Some of the buffalo splatters on the floor and walls. He then leaves. The next day, the Native American returns to the coffee bar with his shotgun and another male buffalo, saying, "Want coffee." The barista says, "Oh, no! I spent the last day cleaning up the mess you made. What's the big deal?" The Native American says, "Want to be a politician. All politicians do this." "Do what?" Asks the barista. The Native American says, "Drink coffee, shoot some bull, and leave a mess for others to clean up."

Chara: Asriel, you've been quiet for so long.
Asriel: Something's just got my goat.
Chara:😡

Asriel: Papyrus, you don't just have to make spaghetti.
Papyrus: REALLY?
Asriel: Really. There's macaroni, tortellini, ravioli, penne, rigatoni... basically, there's loads of pasta-bilities!
Papyrus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Frisk: You put too many stamps on that envelope.
Aria: Dang. Hope it doesn't go too far now!

Sans: i lost my dog recently.
Frisk: Try putting an ad in the newspaper.
Sans: what for? dogs can't read.

Aria: You slept well.
Asriel: I guess I'm a deep Dreemurr!

Asriel: Golly, I ate a lot of food. <Belches> I don't think I could stomach another bite!

Toriel: What's the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?
Aria: What?
Toriel: One baits hook, and the other hates books!

Aria: What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
Frisk: What?
Aria: One has claws at the end of its paws; the other's a pause at the end of a clause!

Asriel: How does a meteorite satisfy others' needs?
Sans: dunno.
Asriel: It craters to them!

Asriel: I'm glad I wasn't born in Spain.
Monster Kid: Why?
Asriel: Because I can't speak Spanish!

MK: I'm glad I wasn't born in France.
Asriel: Because you can't speak French?
MK: How'd you guess?

Asriel: I'm glad I wasn't born in Urehatt.
MK: I didn't know such a place existed! Where is Urehatt?
Asriel: It's on my head! 🤣 Gotcha that time!

Alphys: I find lightning magic cool!
Aria: Really?
Alphys: Yes! Some would say it's rai-teous!"
Aria: 😐
Alphys: The prefix "Rai-" is Japanese for "lightning."

Frisk: Knock, knock.
Toriel: Who's there?
Frisk: Esther.
Tori: Esther who?
Frisk: Esther bunny!
Frisk: Knock, knock.
Tori: Who's there?
Frisk: Notha.
Tori: Notha who?
Frisk: Notha Esther bunny!
Frisk: Knock, knock.
Tori: Who's there?
Frisk: Stella.
Tori: Stella who?
Frisk: Stella Notha Esther bunny!
Frisk: Knock, knock.
Tori: Who's there?
Frisk: Boo.
Tori: Boo who?
Frisk: Don't cry because they're gone. The Esther bunnies will be back next year!

Asgore: I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Sans: knock, knock.
Aria: Who's there?
Sans: knock, knock.
Aria: Who's there?
Sans: knock, knock.
Aria: Who's there?
Sans: knock, knock.
Aria: I'm sorry, my mom told me not to talk to strangers.

Aria: I met a guy with a prosthetic leg named Smith.
Toriel: Did you get the name of his other leg?