two doors down (e.d.)

chapter twenty-two

riley~

i'm laying on ethan's futon, my head on his stomach. he's slouched down in his cushion and i'm laying across the small couch.

he starts to scratch the back of his neck, and lick his lips a lot.

"you okay?" i ask, setting my phone down on my stomach.

"yeah," he says, but his voice is clearly strained, "just stressed about a test i have tomorrow."

it's been about a week and a half since we've gone back home.

ethan and i do all the normal couple things, just without the label.

we can't afford a label right now.

too much on the line.

"i can make you feel better," i draw out my voice and sit up, tracing a line from his chest to his cheek.

he leans in with no other words and presses against my lips aggressively.

this kiss seems deeper than all the other ones.

his hands travel from my hair to my waist.

feeling a bit shaky and risky, i straddle him from the front.

he doesn't break the kiss, but places his hands on my thighs, which makes me shudder.

he moves his mouth down to my neck, leaving deep kisses and i'm sure some marks.

"ethan," i struggle to breathe, more flustered than i've ever been.

he doesn't stop, but makes a "hm?" noise.

"i'm not ready."

he pulls his lips away and tilts his head at a downwards angle, breathing a little heavier than normal.

"okay," is all he says

relief flushes over me, but i feel bad.

"i'm sorry for leading you on. i thought i was ready, but i'm not."

"it's okay," he looks me in the eyes, and what i see in them is pure sincerity, "i'm only ready when you are."

god, this man.

he's perfect.

i ruffle my hands through his hair a little, still straddling him.

i kiss his forehead, hoping that it says all the words i'm too flustered to say.

i start to crawl off his lap, but he stops me.

"can you stay, at least?"

i nod and turn so my back is pressed against his chest. he wraps his arms around me and i feel him relax, just like he did when i kissed him.

"what if i fail this?" he asks after a few minutes of silence

"then we try again."

"there are no do overs in college, ry."

"not retest," i say, letting my head fall back into the crook of his neck, "but we try again for the next one."