two doors down (e.d.)

chapter fifty-five

riley~

"dad, can we talk?"

he looks up from his newspaper and pushes his glasses back on his head.

"what's up?"

i sit on the couch cushion next to him, legs curling up into my sweatshirt.

"it's about ethan." i say

"oh no,"

"it's not... bad. if that's what you're thinking."

he nods, asking me to continue.

"he's just been acting weird and stressed out or agitated recently. like, it'll be over the smallest things and he'll take it out on me or people around him."

"has he hurt you?" he asks, eyes getting serious.

"no," i say, laughing, "definitely not. but, it just makes me sad seeing him different. he's just not been the kid i fell in love with."

"does he know he's been acting different, or is he completely oblivious?"

"he knows. every time he bursts on me, he apologizes right after. i feel like i'm a puppet on a string, being tugged one way or another. do you have any advice?"

"you should try breathing exercises. i've been taking this yoga class with your mom, and it's really helped. at first i made fun of it, but its really helped with stress management."

"great!" my face lights up, "we'll try it tomorrow."

ethan~

"so how is this going to help?" i ask, motioning to the yoga mats on the ground.

the only good thing i see in here is riley in yoga pants.

"just relax and don't worry about it," she laughs freely, "my dad said it works."

"okay," i say, still skeptical.

i sit on the mat and try to cross my legs like the video, but i physically can't.

i immediately start laughing and riley opens her eyes from her mat and giggles.

"focus."

"breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4." the video instructor says.

i do so, and i feel my shoulder relax.

maybe this isn't so bad.

we breathe for a few more rounds, and my mind starts to wander.

how i'm going to be 20 tomorrow, how i have homework due, how tight my headband is...

my leg fidgets, but i refuse to throw another one of my pointless tantrums.

"everything okay?" riley asks softly.

"yeah," i lie, "just thinking."

"that's what gets you in trouble,"

"shut up," i blurt, rolling my eyes.

i immediately regret it, because i didn't say it in a joking tone.

she looks at me with a face of bewilderment and breathes in and out again.

"i don't think this stupid thing is going to work."

my hand forcefully closes the lid of her laptop.

it's happening again. i literally don't have control.