two doors down (e.d.)

chapter forty-two

ethan~

"riley, shhh," i mumble, licking my lips and trying to fall back asleep.

my eyes spring open as i remember why i'm in her bed.

"sorry," i immediately say, "i forgot."

i sit up and see her feet dangling off the edge of the loft bed, eyes teary and phone against her ear.

who is it? i mouth

mom, she mouths back.

i nod and sit quietly through their conversation.

all i hear from the other line is a blubber of sobs and words, mixed together into one.

"mom i don't think i need to come home," riley says, still trembling from earlier, "i just need time. time heals everything."

"i'm just so worried about you," her mom says, "your father and i are coming up first thing tomorrow."

"okay," riley nods her head. i wipe the tear slipping from her eye with my thumb. she closes her eyes tight, stopping any others from leaking out.

"do you think there's any long term damage? ptsd?"

"i don't think so," riley sniffles, "it could've been so much worse."

"i'm so proud of you for being strong."

"thank you," riley says, laughing a small, sad laugh, "ethan's awake, so i'm going to go now."

"ethan stayed with you?"

i get nervous, thinking her mom might start blaming me.

which honestly i would too.

it was my fault.
at least partially.

"yeah," riley says, "i haven't really slept."

"i love you honey, okay? tomorrow is going to be better. i'll see you in a little."

"love you."

riley hangs up and the tears she was holding back make an appearance.

"i had to be strong for my mom," she says in between sobs.

"you don't have to be strong for me," i say in a morning voice, pulling her in for a hug.

i don't know how long we stay like that, her in my arms.

i hold to her tightly, afraid of letting go.

"i love you," i whisper once she's finally asleep.

riley~

"i don't want any food," i say, pushing the breakfast burrito away from my face.

"ry," ethan's face softens, "you have to eat something. please."

"it's just going to come back up."

"that's okay, as long as you get something in you."

i nod. 

just the thought of food in my esophagus makes me nauseas, but i have to do it for ethan.

i take a small bite and chew fast, forcing it down my throat. i take a big sip of water to prevent it from coming back up.

"now another one," ethan coaxes, "bigger this time."

"i'm sorry if i throw up in your lap."

he's sitting cross legged in front of me on my bed.

"riley," he laughs slightly, "i don't care about that. i just want you to eat."

i nod, taking a bigger bite this time. i chug water again, forcing it down.

"riley?" am urgent voice comes from outside my door.

wyatt.

"come in!" i yell hoarsely

"is it true?" he asks, bursting through my door.

"wyatt be careful," ethan warns.

he means i'm fragile. i could break any second.

"yes," i nod my head

"riley," wyatt's face breaks. i've never seen him like this.

i stand up and he engulfs me in a hug only a brother could give.

"was it that quinn guy?" he asks, his voice getting angry.

"i don't want to talk about it now," i say, "maybe when i'm stronger."

"i just got her to eat," ethan says from the floor.

"you," wyatt turns to ethan angrily, "you were supposed to protect her! be there for her!"

"stop," i say, "i don't need this right now. wyatt, leave him alone. ethan is the last person to blame for all this."

ethan stays silent, examining the burrito.

wyatt doesn't give up his tought demeanor.

"wyatt you're stressing me out. i need you to leave, but i'll talk to you later."

he glances at me and his face softens. he nods and closes the door behind him.

"it was my fault, wasn't it?" ethan asks, looking up at me with broken eyes.

i wish i had the pieces to fix them.

"no," i sigh, "it wasn't anybody's but quinn's."

"i was supposed to protect you riley."

"isn't that what you're doing now? protecting me from myself?"

i'm scared of what my thoughts will wander to once ethan leaves.

"i love you riley, and i'm always going to be here for you." ethan stares into my eyes solemnly.

i'm so in love with this kid.