two doors down (e.d.)

chapter fifty

riley~

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i glance at ethan laying on my futon, clearly absorbed into his own world.

"so what do you wanna do?" i ask, picking at my sheets.

"i don't know."

he's been hot and cold recently.

one day he can't stop telling me how much he loves me, and the next he'll be like this.

"well we can't just sit inside all day," i huff

"god riley," he says, a bit louder and firmer, "you're giving me a headache."

i stare down at my lap and count to 10, a trick i learned from paige. she told me that it works for most scenarios.

i take a deep breath and open my eyes, relaxing my shoulders.

"i'm sorry i talked to you like that."

"it's fine," i say dryly, "i don't really want to do anything today, anyway."

lies.

"you know i love you, right?"

"yeah," i mumble, playing with my hands, "i know."

"come here," he sighs.

i climb off the bed and take the place next to ethan on the futon. his eyes look tired and sincere.

he brings me close to his chest and i lay there silently as he strokes my hair.

"it's almost your birthday," i whisper, hoping to get on to happier topics.

"i know," he breathes, "20. i thought i was ready for it, but now i'm not entirely sure."

"it'll be okay."

we sit for a few more minutes and i get lost in my own thoughts.

does peanut butter have a lot of calories?

where's sloane right now?

if a squirrel could drive, would he be good at it?

should i take up golf?

"are you mad at me?" ethan voice interrupts me

"what?" i look up

"are you mad at me? you just seem quiet and tense."

i sit up and face him.

"i'm not mad," i shrug, "i just feel like you've been acting different."

he stays silent and keeps his eyes fixed on the door.

"is there anything you want to tell me...?" i ask

"you think i'm hiding something?" he asks, snapping his head towards me

"n-no i-"

"i can't believe you still don't trust me," he mumbles, shaking his head.

"shut the f*ck up, ethan," i say, pushing myself off him, "you've been acting like an ass recently and i'm tired of it."

"you're tired of it?" he roars with angry laughter, "i'm tired of you not... not..."

"not what?" i spit, "you can't think of anything? oh right, that's because this time, you're in the wrong!"

"maybe i'm just tired of you, riley."

his harsh words pierce my skin. i blink, stepping backwards.

immediately, his face shows that he regrets it.

"i didn't mean that-"

"no," i say, my voice bigger than i feel, "you said what you said. have a good day, ethan."

i point at my door, blinking back tears.

he looks at it desperately and back at me. i turn away from his gaze.

"i said go."

"riley can we talk-"

"i think you've done enough talking for the day. goodbye, ethan."

he looks like he's about to open his stupid mouth and say something else, but i stand tall and point at the door again.

he holds his head low as he walks out, but i stand tall.

"i hope we can talk later," he says softly, the door halfway shut.

i turn away, not wanting to answer. i turn back around when i hear the lock click.

the tears prick my eyes and i push them back once again.

i'm never letting myself cry over ethan dolan ever again.