two doors down (e.d.)

chapter fifty-one

ethan~

i feel horrible.

i didn't mean the words i said, and i definitely shouldn't have said them.

the hurt on her face made me feel worse then i ever have before. knowing that i made her feel like that makes me sick to my stomach.

me: i'm sorry
me: i shouldn't have said that
me: and i didn't mean it at all
read 2:07 pm

me: please just let me talk
me: we can work it out
me: i'm such an asshole
me: riley kate

riley: dont text me. don't call me. don't dm me. don't facetime me. don't venmo me. don't come to my dorm. i need a break ethan.

break?

me: break from me?

riley: just for tonight
riley: i think we're both really stressed and not thinking properly

me: you did nothing wrong

riley: trust me, i know

me: when you're done with your break, you know where my room is.

..............................

in high school, i promised myself i would never cry over a girl.

i always told myself every girl was replaceable.

every girl except for riley kate romano.

so, here i sit, in my bed huddled under my blankets and pillows, holding a shirt she left here tightly to my chest and silently letting tears slip down my cheeks.

i'm such a baby for her.

can't say i'm not ashamed to be in the situation i am now, because i am.

no guy, toxic masculinity or not, wants to be in their bed crying over a girl.

riley~

"are you okay?" sloane had asked me as i showed up at her apartment, no words said as she opened the door.

the first thing i did was zombie walk to her bed and throw myself on it.

"no," i'd answered.

now she's laying next to me, brushing my hair as i bury my face into a pillow.

"you know," she starts after awhile, "i was in a bad relationship with my last girlfriend. she almost made me straight again," she laughs. i giggle quietly, but i thinks she hears.

"— but i realized that it wasn't where i wanted to be. it was holding me back from things that would benefit me."

"what's the point of that story?" i ask, it being muffled.

"sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go."

"so you're saying i should break up with him?" i ask, turning my back and taking my face out of the pillow.

"no," she says, "not after just one fight. but, keep it in the back if your mind. is he holding you back from your potential?"

i lay there, stumped by her sudden wisdom.

"i don't wanna talk about it anymore." i decide

"and that's okay."

"but i do want to hear about your crazy ex girlfriend," i smirk

"ugh," she rolls her eyes, "i'd only been with guys before, and so maybe that had something to do with it, but she was insane."

"do tell," i say dramatically and flip over so i'm laying on my back.

"okay so..."