two doors down (e.d.)

chapter fifty-three

{riley}

i spend the rest of the week walking on eggshells around ethan. 

it makes me nervous to try and even spark my opinion, fearing it might end in a fight.

he bursts into my dorm, rough, flushed, and tense.

"hey," he mumbles and throws his bag on my floor.

"look, ethan." i say, turning off my tv, "if you're in a pissy mood, i'll try and help, but you can't take it out on me. i'm not your punching bag."

he doesn't say anything and elanor looks at me with a grim expression.

i've let her in on a few of ethan's tantrums.

"you're turning 20 in 3 days, ethan." elanor says, "if you keep getting moody like a teenager then i'll have to put a sign on our door with your face crossed out."

i shoot her a warning glare, but ethan doesn't even seem to register eleanor's words.

"what's wrong?" i ask

"i hate school," he mutters, rifling through my mini fridge.

"lucky for you, tomorrow is the officially start of winter break."

"i know," he runs his hands through his hair.

i think midterms are what's making him stressed, but he has no right to take it out on me.

i'll continue to know my worth, with or without ethan.

but i love him.

"do you want a back scratch?" i ask

"no," he says, hard.

"i'm sorry." i immediately say.

where did that come from?

why did i apologize?

"well..." i say carefully, "do you want to go to dinner?"

he looks up at me and i don't see the ethan i know. he looks different.

"i have work."

"that's okay."

i dip my head down and count my toes just for something to do.

"i think," he breathes, "i think i'm just going to lie down."

"do you need anything?"

before the whole sentence is out, he's left, the door blowing a slight gust of wind.

"my god," elanor gapes, "that is not the ethan from the beginning of the year. what do you think is wrong?"

i don't try to tell her nothing's wrong with him, because there definitely is.

"it's getting close to his dads passing day," i mumble, "maybe that's it."

"i don't know," elanor says, "but he needs to get his ego in check, my god. i'm surprised his head could fit in the doorway."

i laugh slightly and quickly. i regret doing it, because it's like my agreeing with elanor.

"i think i'll hang out with sloane," i sigh

"don't bring her here again. she scares me."

ethan~

my mind is running 20 miles an hour, stressing over the stupidest things.

i've been in such a funk lately and i've been taking it out on my loved ones.

i blew up at grayson today over the phone, wyatt isn't talking to me because of it, and i've been treating riley like absolute garbage.

i don't know why, nor how to fix it.

being like this in front of riley makes me angry at myself, which makes my mood even worse. it's a vicious cycle.

i know the constant and repetitive apologies aren't going to cut it. i'm going to have to change.

i'm certain it's just a temporary feeling, but i hate it.

i feel like the walls are closing in on me and everyone hates me.

i'm going to see my mom, cameron, and grayson tomorrow, so hopefully that'll help.

they always seem to bring me back to reality and a good mental state.

taking deep breaths, i text riley.

me: hey i'm sorry for blowing you off. i was just stressed. forgive me?

riley: i can't keep being the butt joke if your mood swings e
riley: you're worse than me on my period

me: i know, i know. i'm sorry. i don't know what's been wrong with me.

riley: okay.